Question for Sexuals

[arfty]

This has probably been asked before, but ...

I was curious if sexual stuff (for lack of a better term) is innate, or is it learned?

[BunnyK.]

Do you mean innate as in

A) It is something you naturally start wanting on your own without outside influence

B) The physical actions come naturally and you automatically know what to do in sexual situations

or

C) The physical actions automatically feel good even at the very first

or D) something else?

Then A) in my experience yes, B) oh hell no, C) depends, but not always.

Clarify your question and I can clarify my answer. :)

[arfty]

A) Something you naturally start wanting on your own without outside influence.

[BunnyK.]

From what I remember, though I didn't really desire sexual intercourse as such until fairly late (and I was probably having sex before I truly desired it for its own sake), I did have a definite interest in the opposite sex from the time I was 11 or so.

By interest I mean dreams, wanting to stare at them all day, etc., progressing into the girly squealing "I want to kiss him!" stage.

While I think that there was a definite element of curiosity and keeping up with the Joneses in the development of my sexuality, I think at the core of it the feelings and urges were real, just maybe sped up a bit by the influence of society.

[Hallucigenia]

Sex (for sexuals, at least) is an innate drive. Animals desire sex even when they are removed from the opportunity to socialize with others of their species who could concievably be teaching them this stuff. However, how to go about seeking sex is (at least partially) learned. For example, kissing isn't innate - some cultures do something else instead, such as rubbing noses. For another example, some people on the autistic spectrum desire sex but fail to learn some of the proper structures around it because of their difficulties, and begin to act in sexually inappropriate ways. Is that what you were asking?

[susieblue]

I was having sex before I desired it. It was not something I would have chosen to do, I did it because everybody did it, and I wanted to be like everybody else. ------Beat me up for this statement, but that's the way I felt back then.

I am a 41 year old sexual women, and slept with 4 men. First Love, 2 Boyfriends, husband.

I really desired sexual intercourse after I was content with myself and got to know myself. You can say, after I learned to love myself?!

I was in my end of twenties when I started to "really" want Sex, purely for the enjoyment it brings to my body and soul. Before that it was to please and feel the pleasure my body and my moves would bring to another person, a person I loved at the time.

As to your question is Sex something you naturally start wanting on your own without outside influence, I would say YES.

My opinion is not intended to hurt/offend anybody's sexy or asexy feelings.

[sonofzeal]

A) Something you naturally start wanting on your own without outside influence.

There's still a lot of disagreement in the field of psychology about this. I know one popular viewpoint is that there are certain biological tendancies, but a large portion of sexuality is made up from conditioning influences early in life. The theory goes that homosexuals likely had experiences early in life connecting the ideas of their own gender with sexual pleasure. Basically, according to that model, sex drive is innate but sexual attraction is learned subconsciously in the same way as phobias are.

[Zeph]

I would say for me personally...curiousity is what started my interest in sex. It wasn't until I started having sex on a regular basis that I desired it.

I also find the more I have sex the more I want it. The less I have sex, the less I feel the desire to stir.

I feel that it is an innate desire in all animals.

[Brodertun]

Basically, according to that model, sex drive is innate but sexual attraction is learned subconsciously in the same way as phobias are

then why aren't children raised by gays in gay societies likely to be gay themselves?

[Parth]

The theory goes that homosexuals likely had experiences early in life connecting the ideas of their own gender with sexual pleasure. Basically, according to that model, sex drive is innate but sexual attraction is learned subconsciously in the same way as phobias are.

Yikes, I don't agree with that at all :(

[ghosts]

There's so many nature vs. nurture arguments, though. I don't think it's bad to theorize that sexual orientation could be more "nurture" than "nature", but I think people can be afraid of that explanation because it could lead to others telling them they can "fix" themselves if it's not all biological. However, the idea that something is natural, that someone was born that way- hasn't that argument been used before to discriminate against others, like gender, race...? I wonder if it could ever be used with sexual orientation.

A person in one of my classes was telling me about a girl she knows who was raised in an all-lesbian family, and just came out as a lesbian herself. On the other hand, you have my family where everyone is pretty much heterosexual (ha, wonder if they learned that?), but I am asexual.

Anyway, I can see what Hallu and sonofzeal are saying. It's probably a mix of nature and nurture- that's a nice compromise...

[Chiaroscuro]

Yes. Sexual since my first erection (which was pretty early). Even when I had no idea what was involved, I wanted to find out. Once I did find out, I wanted to find out more.

I also have to say that my sexual desires went hand in hand with my desire for a soul-mate. Cindy Lennon, third grade, long hair. I wanted her with the heat of a thousand suns (Sunset, my wife, is rolling her eyes right now.... "Cinnnndy Lennnnon, here we go again").

Society certainly had its effect on me, but the sexual "bug" was implanted by my hairy, knuckle-dragging ancestors.

-Chiaroscuro

[Arukei]

It's impossible to truly tell. We exist (most of us anyways) in a society where we are all constantly bombarded by sexual themes. You find this everywhere, in adds, tv, Disney, movies, even in schools. So as we develop we grow up under this influence. To see if it's learned or innate you would have to have a controll experiment where you raise one (or more) child whithout any sexual suggestions at all, other wise you don't really know for sure if it was learned or not... do you???

[Chiaroscuro]

you don't really know for sure if it was learned or not

No, you can't really know for sure.

But as the parent of two children, I can argue with some certainty that both nature and nurture are involved in human development, on most issues. Including sex. Yes, sex is a big deal in our culture. Sex is a big deal in every culture on earth. I'd argue that there's some nature in there prompting all of those different cultures to procreate and celebrate doing it. Society tends to bend the natural function into odd shapes (like bondage, foot-fetishes and chastity), but that doesn't mean the root cause isn't "nature".

-Chiaroscuro

[spinneret]

Well, I'd think the fact that most asexuals never "learned" sexuality is a sign that it's not completely learned.

I grew up in just as sexualized a society as my peers, but I'm asexual.

[starrysky]

It's impossible to truly tell. We exist (most of us anyways) in a society where we are all constantly bombarded by sexual themes. You find this everywhere, in adds, tv, movies, even in schools. So as we develop we grow up under this influence. To see if it's learned or innate you would have to have a controll experiment where you raise one (or more) child whithout any sexual suggestions at all, other wise you don't really know for sure if it was learned or not... do you???

How about thousands of years ago when there were no ads, TV, movies, schools, when all people had was the primitive urge to stay alive while they lived in caves and ate fruits and berries? The fact that we're all here zillions of years later tells me it's nature. The animals outside in my yard didn't need TV or movies to tell them to attempt to reproduce... it's an instinctual drive.

[Arukei]

^ That depends on if the question was posed was reffering strictly to the act of sex, or all of the sexual things leading up to and including sex. I'm pretty sure thousands of years ago they didn't have a romantic dinner and flowers before getting laid. And the question wasn't really that specific, it simply asks about "sexual stuff".

[scamper]

Tough but interesting question! In my experience (as a sexual woman), I would tend to say that the sexual stuff was innate.

I say this because my sexuality developed when I was extremely young (6 or 7). I didn't really have any contact with sex at that age - didn't watch TV at the time or have access to any sex-heavy media / popular entertainments, and I was too young for my parents to sit me down for a talk about the "birds & bees".

I started feeling physical sensations and desires that I had no name for, but they were very strong. In fact, I didn't realise these things were related to "sex" until many years later. By the time I figured out what "sexuality" even meant, I was 14 years old and had already been masturbating for 7 or 8 years. I was actually kind of shocked when I realised what I'd been doing all that time was actually masturbation, because masturbation has so many embarrassing and negative connotations in our society. To me, it was just another normal bodily function, like going to the bathroom.

I didn't have any sexual contact with a partner until a few years later, but the desires / drives / need to fulfill them were a part of me for as long as I can remember.