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Genderflux/genderfluid or tomboy?


NylaTheWolf

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NylaTheWolf

I haven't been putting much thought into this until a few weeks ago when I started going on Tumblr, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

 

I don't know if I'm a cis-female who's simply a tomboy, or genderflux.

 

I mean, ever since I was little, I was always a bit of a tomboy. I never liked makeup or dresses or anything like that. I never had dolls or wanted to be a princess or anything like that. I also liked being called a tomboy and identified myself as one.

 

But as of late, sometimes I feel 100% female but other times I feel mostly female, or at least I think I do. I use she/her pronouns, I like to label myself as a female, I also often call myself a woman, but there are some days where I feel like a demigirl?

 

Before I discovered genderflux, I entertained the idea of being a genderfluid demigirl, as in I switch between being a female and a demigirl. The thing is though is that sometimes it felt right, but other times not quite?

 

Sometimes it feels foreign to label myself as genderflux/genderfluid/demigirl, but other times I feel okay towards it?

 

2 days ago when I discovered genderflux, it was a mix of "that's what I'm feeling? that's my possible identity?!" and feeling really intimidated by it. Like, I felt stressed about it. It made sense but it also feels kind of scary? I'd even say it felt wrong?

 

So I don't know if that means I'm cis, or if it's just me being afraid of the idea of being nonbinary and being in that minority.

 

It feels intimidating for me, to be completely honest. Like, I feel like it would be weird to identify as such or something. Like I would stick out like a sore thumb amongst others.

 

And I'll be honest, sometimes I feel intimidated by this because the people I look up to and admire (my favorite YouTubers, artists, etc) are cis as far as I know and for some reason the idea of being something else scares me?

 

I mean I'm already asexual so I'm apart of LGBT I think, so I guess it wouldn't make much of a difference.

 

I wanna say that I should wait and give it time and not worry about it and eventually I'll realize my identity.

 

But I'm really impatient.

 

I also had a few moments of me feeling like a guy, I think, so maybe it's genderfluid?

 

The thing is with being afab is that I don't know if I disagree with being a female, or disagree with the stereotype of being a female. I hate the word gender roles with a passion because I feel like it's telling me I'm expected to be the ancient world view of what a woman should be. You know, being submissive to men, taking care of the household, never going outside, having kids, being a mother...the idea of it makes me want to vomit my guts out.

 

And the thing is also is that I don't believe that all feminine men are nonbinary or gay, or all tomboys are nonbinary. 

 

And honestly, I'm really really worried that I want to be nonbinary just to get attention and support or something.

 

It's also worth noting that I have OCD so maybe these are just symptoms of it?

 

Maybe I should take a break from looking at gender stuff so I could see if I'm actually feeling this way?

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I do agree with you. And I understand where you’re coming from.

 

I do believe that people can just be male or female and still have some moments where they feel a little more masculine or feminine without having to be another gender.

 

youre right that all these gender identities and labels can get confusing. Personally i consider myself a male in touch with my feminine side.

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DuranDuranfan

Like you, I’m cis female who’s okay with feminine pronouns, but I’ve been a tomboy all my life. I’ve always had more action figures than Barbie dolls, I hated it whenever I’ve had to wear a dress, I never expressed an interest in experimenting with makeup, I sit like a guy, and I prefer wearing men’s jeans, shorts, t-shirts and overalls. I even wear boxer shorts or boxer briefs. And I taught myself how to take a leak standing up.

 

Some days when the mood strikes I’ll wear my feminine clothes, but for now, the only things feminine about me are my hair and my body shape. I still like my purses(hello Coach and Michael Kors!), and I have a wide selection of shoes. So I’m a paradox. 

 

But there are days where I wish my hips and breasts weren’t big and wide. I’m contemplating trying a binder to give me a flatter appearance when I wear my Men’s clothes, and also considering getting my hair cut and styled the way John Taylor has his hair done on the front cover of “Notorious”. Not too short, not too long.

 

I call myself gender nonconforming, because I don’t experience the dysphoria other people mentioned here. I just do things that society doesn’t think a cis female would do. And if they think it’s, ‘not lady-like’, zero fucks given.

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Notajellyfan

I'm just GenderQueer cause I don't feel like any other labels fit me cause some feel similar but not quite right. I would just be patient with yourself and go through all the options and if they don't feel right try another till it feels right.

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Just Somebody

Take this into consideration:

 

 

 

-Gender identities are just the words people might feel more like to call themselves at a given moment. You can also view them as boxes of social groups or the box/social group you feel more comfortable and represented as being a part of at a given moment.

 

 

 

 

-Gender expression is what people can noticed about you, including your clothes,  behaviors, body type, name and pronouns, gender roles and gender stereotypes in general,  etc.

 

 

 

 

Having an gender non-conforming (gnc) gender expression doesn't make someone have an gender non-conforming Transgender identity. 

 

 

 

 

 

Having an masculine gender expression doesn't make someone a man, having a feminine gender expression doesn't make someone a woman , having an genderqueer gender expression doesn't make someone non-binary. 

 

 

 

 

I would say gender non-comforming  (gnc) is like the most vague and broad option when it comes to gender as its an umbrella term-word-identity-concept that includes both cisgender identities, the Transgender and the Intersex umbrellas.

 

 

Many people aren't ware of it but cisgender women can suffer from gender dysphoria as they may feel uncomfortable or distressed with how cultures of societies view  and treat them or with the pains that comes with a typical feminine body. In this case, they don't feel uncomfortable identifying with the word-term-concept-identity-box-social group of Woman,  They Feel Uncomfortable With the struggles that they face living in sexist societies as women and having feminine bodies during their lives.

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NylaTheWolf
18 hours ago, DuranDuranfan said:

Like you, I’m cis female who’s okay with feminine pronouns, but I’ve been a tomboy all my life. I’ve always had more action figures than Barbie dolls, I hated it whenever I’ve had to wear a dress, I never expressed an interest in experimenting with makeup, I sit like a guy, and I prefer wearing men’s jeans, shorts, t-shirts and overalls. I even wear boxer shorts or boxer briefs. And I taught myself how to take a leak standing up.

 

Some days when the mood strikes I’ll wear my feminine clothes, but for now, the only things feminine about me are my hair and my body shape. I still like my purses(hello Coach and Michael Kors!), and I have a wide selection of shoes. So I’m a paradox. 

 

But there are days where I wish my hips and breasts weren’t big and wide. I’m contemplating trying a binder to give me a flatter appearance when I wear my Men’s clothes, and also considering getting my hair cut and styled the way John Taylor has his hair done on the front cover of “Notorious”. Not too short, not too long.

 

I call myself gender nonconforming, because I don’t experience the dysphoria other people mentioned here. I just do things that society doesn’t think a cis female would do. And if they think it’s, ‘not lady-like’, zero fucks given.

 

Same boat here (perhaps, like I said I'm still questioning)

 

However, a lot of people say that you don't have to experience dysphoria to be trans/nonbinary, so that makes me a bit more confused. I don't usually feel very distressed about it, it's more of just...confusion, you know?

 

Also, I despise it when people say "that's not lady-like"!

 

16 hours ago, AceQuinn said:

I'm just GenderQueer cause I don't feel like any other labels fit me cause some feel similar but not quite right. I would just be patient with yourself and go through all the options and if they don't feel right try another till it feels right.

Oh, because none of the other gender identities feel right to you! That makes sense!

 

Yeah, I know I should just be patient, but I'm an impatient person. Also I'm not sure how to exactly try a label.

 

Do you have any tips for having more patience with this stuff? Perhaps not thinking about it too much?

 

13 hours ago, Just Somebody said:

Take this into consideration:

 

 

 

-Gender identities are just the words people might feel more like to call themselves at a given moment. You can also view them as boxes of social groups or the box/social group you feel more comfortable and represented as being a part of at a given moment.

 

 

 

 

-Gender expression is what people can noticed about you, including your clothes,  behaviors, body type, name and pronouns, gender roles and gender stereotypes,  etc.

 

 

 

 

Having an gender non-conforming (gnc) gender expression doesn't make someone have an gender non-conforming Transgender identity. 

 

 

 

 

 

Having an masculine gender expression doesn't make someone a man, having a feminine gender expression doesn't make someone a woman , having an genderqueer gender expression doesn't make someone non-binary. 

 

 

 

 

I would say gender non-comforming  (gnc) is like the most vague and broad option when it comes to gender as its an umbrella term-word-identity-concept that includes both cisgender identities, the Transgender and the Intersex umbrellas.

 

 

Many people aren't ware of it but cisgender women can suffer from gender dysphoria as they may feel uncomfortable or distressed with how cultures of societies view  and treat them or with the pains that comes with a typical feminine body. In this case, they don't feel uncomfortable identifying with the word-term-concept-identity Woman,  They Feel Uncomfortable With the struggles that they face living in sexist societies as women and having feminine bodies during their lives.

That makes sense! Thank you!

 

Oh, I haven't thought of it like that before!

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Notajellyfan
 
 
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8 hours ago, NylaTheWolf said:

Yeah, I know I should just be patient, but I'm an impatient person. Also I'm not sure how to exactly try a label.

 

Do you have any tips for having more patience with this stuff? Perhaps not thinking about it too much?

I wasn't really patient myself but I didn't worry too much about what people said I was and I just tried to find what fit. When I said 'try them out' I meant for you, and anyone else,  to use a label for a bit until you change your mind, if you do. You don't need to stay with the first orientation that you might be. I personally tried Non-binary and Genderfluid, and I still identify as these but I use the GenderQueer label cause it is easy to explain to others and it is an umbrella term for all the orientations I could be. 

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NylaTheWolf
On 7/22/2019 at 12:24 AM, AceQuinn said:

I wasn't really patient myself but I didn't worry too much about what people said I was and I just tried to find what fit. When I said 'try them out' I meant for you, and anyone else,  to use a label for a bit until you change your mind, if you do. You don't need to stay with the first orientation that you might be. I personally tried Non-binary and Genderfluid, and I still identify as these but I use the GenderQueer label cause it is easy to explain to others and it is an umbrella term for all the orientations I could be. 

Thank you!

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