cl128 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Hi everyone, I'm glad to be here because I could always relate to asexual people. But I'm not actually sure if I am asexual or if I have some kind of issue. I have heard people here claim that they are so sex-repulsed that sexual things make them feel sick or want to pass out. But for me, not all sexual things make me feel that way. It's only in certain contexts. But I also have never heard of a non-asexual person experiencing repulsion like I do. For me it is so bad that I avoid relationships. Does this mean that I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 The only thing that matters is whether you desire sex or not. Not all aces are repulsed; some are indifferent, some are ok with it. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Asexuality isn’t a spectrum because asexuals don’t experience desires towards anyone for partnered sexual activity. You can still desire sex with someone despite being repulsed by it but it doesn’t make you asexual. If you have no desire to be involved with anyone sexually, then you’re asexual. If you do desire that, then you aren’t. You can be grey-sexual if you have that desire but only sometimes or only under certain circumstances, an inhibiting situation different from the majority population Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cl128 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Thank you guys for responding. I just thought that asexuality was a spectrum because of terms like "grey ace" and stuff like that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 6 minutes ago, cl128 said: Thank you guys for responding. I just thought that asexuality was a spectrum because of terms like "grey ace" and stuff like that. Doesn't surprise me that it confuse people since a lot of people will call it a spectrum despite it not being one. Sexuality is a spectrum, asexuality is not (more of a dot in a corner). Greysexuals are somewhere between that dot and what is considered "normal" on the sexual spectrum. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Asexuality is a spectrum because no two people who could be described as "asexual" feel the same (and in general, no two people feel the same). It's not just whether 5 second of sexual attraction still qualify as "asexual" etc. - it's also about the great variance in attitudes towards sex. As @Anthracite_Impreza pointed out, some asexuals are more sex-indifferent, some more sex-averse... I see no reason not to treat it as a spectrum, apart from some people's aversion to he word "spectrum". (Just to make it clear, I believe that being "0,01% sexual" can still count as "pretty much asexual".) More seriously, for me sex aversion is a kind of spectrum too. Really, when will people realise that labels are only labels and that it's next to impossible for two people who describe themselves as "sex-averse" to experience what they call "aversion" in the same way? Sex aversion can be differentiated along different axes: Whether it's generalised (known as "sex-repulsed") or limited to the possibility of personally having sex ("sex-averse"). (I still use the phrase "spectrum of sex aversion", not "spectrum of sex repulsion", because if we define sex repulsion as generalised and sex aversion as non-generalised - every sex-repulsed person is sex-averse, but not every sex-averse person is sex-repulsed: sex aversion : sex repulsion = rectangle : square.) What kind of negative feelings is predominant: disgust, anxiety, discomfort etc. For example, for me sex seems much more frightening than disgusting. People may also have different reactions to different kinds of sexual content, stimuli, situations... For example, I've read someone mention that they feel most repulsed by sounds of people having sex. Which aspects of sex are disgusting, frightening, off-putting, distressing etc. to a particular person - for example nudity, loss of control, body fluids, inequality, risk of STDs and/or pregnancy, just a nagging feeling that "this is not for me"... 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 I'm rather undecided on the whole spectrum v. non-spectrum thing (though I lean towards the latter)... but as far as I'm concerned - if you aren't interested or have any sexual attraction... don't have sex. If you're sex repulsed, absolutely don't do it. The rest is communication shortcuts. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 IMO, asexuality is a spectrum. While sexuality itself is a spectrum, I see asexuality as its own on the one end of it. Sure, semantics, if you don't feel sexuality, then that's that, it's the furthers dot on the end of the sexuality spectrum...but it's really helpful to view it as its own within the vast expanse of spectrumness. Going from asexuality to gray-sexuality to demisexuality. : ) And anything in between!! You don't have to be super sex-averse to be ace, but it also doesn't mean that you might not be because you are. Sex-repulsion differs for everyone. You don't have to be repulsed by sex in every single context. : ) You can be sex-repulsed, but only if you're involved in some way (in the thought/discussion etc.), you can be if it's only in movies, or anything else. Take your time exploring. The main thing about being ace is not feeling sexual attraction, and if you haven't felt it--repulsion or no--then you probably are aspec! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 A lot also feel sexuality is not a spectrum “like you’re sexual or you’re not” type argument. What seems to be is that there is a black and white that Asexuality and Sexuality is and it is not, while within the black and white there’s extreme variance, either with other attractions or how one determines desire. Often the grey area is difficult to determine as one can experience both aspects of Asexuality and Sexuality, while in black and white terms, being neither. I don’t or not able to determine labels the further grey it gets. Repulsion is independent of sexuality identity, plenty are repulsed by sex in some way or another, every persons repulsion is different, nearly everyone has some form of sex repulsion or another when accounting for sex’ wide and extreme forms. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 A very belated welcome to AVEN! Sex-repulsion varies, so you could be Asexual. Asexuality is not a lack of libido, but a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning an Asexual could have sex, but if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Mini-Fairy-Garden Cake (all edible), Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I am Demisexual. Up to the age of 35 yrs my behaviour, actions, feelings, thoughts etc were those of an Asexual person. Then one day I did became sexually attracted to one person and now, at aged 63 yrs I am still attracted to that same person, but to her only I still do not get attracted to anybody other than my wife. I do not fantasize about other people. I have no interest in porn. I struggle to understand flirting. I do not have celebrity crushes and so on I am clearly not Asexual, because I can in this specific circumstance experience attraction. The other things that go on for me can occur for either Asexuals or Allosexuals, but usually I don't think most Sexual people would say that they have all these things happening, some Asexuals might I think it may have been an error calling it the Asexual Spectrum. May have been more useful to call it the Sexual Spectrum with a zero at the end for folk that never experience sexual attraction. And maybe instead of just labels, grey, demi etc, maybe other factors like ability to understand flirting, if folk can fantasize etc could be taken into account It is important that we understand ourselves and why we do what we do. In my case learning about Asexuality, Demisexuality etc helped me whilst recovering from a head injury, and helped my wife and I restore our marriage. This kind of information is not really available on other sites. Generally Sexual people are not really interested in this stuff, whereas folk like me that can only experience sexual attraction in very specific circumstances do benefit from learning about Asexuality and so on Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Of Hugs Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 As you may have noticed, opinions differ. To some, orientation is a multi-dimensional spectrum, with at LEAST two axes. Personally, I think of mine as more of a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, touchy-feely stuff. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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