Help with Gender Identity

[PhantomHare]

Hello everyone. Since discovering I'm asexual and probably aromantic, I've been learning more about sexualities and genders. Now, my gender identity isn't something I had thought much about and it's really not that big of a deal, but I am curious. I know my physical sex is female and I've accepted that. It's fine. I have no real strong emotions about it most of the time. But I think my acceptance of it has gotten in the way of discovering my gender identity. I'm far from the most girly girl, but I'm not exactly the most tomboy-ish either. Mostly gender-neutral clothing and the like. If given the option between being male or female, I would choose male, but I don't feel strongly enough to call myself or come out as trans or go through transitioning. Sometimes I care more than others. Usually it varies between not caring at all and wishing I were a male, but I don't typically connect with being female. I just don't mind being female that much. I'm not a huge fan of being called a woman or lady as they feel too feminine for me, but once again it's not that much of a problem. Honestly, it's hard to describe because it's usually so muted unless I'm going through a phase of wishing I was a male, but even then transitioning seems like more work than it's worth to me. 

 

Again, I'm really just curious. Also, I want to get a better feel for the different genders. I've only just started really researching them, but they get a bit confusing. I'd like to hear about what other people think about them. Maybe hear a few different explanations.

[Karst]

It seems to me like the label "gender non-conforming" might suit you.  It means exactly what you think- presenting and behaving outside of traditional gender norms.

[south paw]

hello there!

I'm totally picking up what your putting down. I was female at birth too but don't really like being called a "lady" or "woman" or "girl". That's why I just describe myself as "nonbinary" which is my way of saying "I don't know what I am but it's not female or male" lol. It just encapsulates how I may feel any day. It is the broad umbrella term that includes agender (without a particular gender), genderfluid (changing genders), or pangender (having many gender identities). I made the safe choice of a broad label and I'm comfortable with it. If I feel a little different one day I can still be nonbinary! 

Since you seem to be somewhere in between girly and tomboy-ish one of these broader labels may make you comfortable.

I also have heard the term "demiguy" being used for people assigned female-at-birth who feel masculine but not masculine enough to transition as you mentioned before....maybe that's a good label. 

Honestly it's just a big game of tossing around terms until you find one that makes you smile and makes you proud

[PhantomHare]

Thanks for the responses! It seems like I still have quite a bit of researching to do still. There's so many subtleties to consider that it gets rather complicated quickly. I don't particularly care what I am, but I am curious and would like to know just for the sake of knowing.  Honestly, it's information I'll probably keep to myself anyway. I just recently started identifying as ace and told my mom, so I don't see a point in adding anything else to that. Gender non-conforming or non-binary seem like the best options for now. I don't mind going by female pronouns or anything, but maybe I'm just used to it and accepted it. I didn't really have an issue with society's norms confusing me when it came to identifying as asexual, but I feel there may be some of those issues concerning my gender identity.

[RakshaTheCat]

I don't really get binary genders, these feel stupid and useless, and often toxic due to gender roles or stereotypes, so I just slap agender label on myself to tell people to keep their binary gendered nonsense away from me. Hopefully it will scare away girly girls and manly men, I don't like tribalism that those genders encourage.

Sadly, in real life, there is no 'keep me out your binary gender mess' option available that is practical, so like you, I just go by my assigned one whenever I'm being forced to pick one.

 

[PhantomHare]

21 minutes ago, Marcin said:

I don't really get binary genders, these feel stupid and useless, and often toxic due to gender roles or stereotypes, so I just slap agender label on myself to tell people to keep their binary gendered nonsense away from me. Hopefully it will scare away girly girls and manly men, I don't like tribalism that those genders encourage.

Sadly, in real life, there is no 'keep me out your binary gender mess' option available that is practical, so like you, I just go by my assigned one whenever I'm being forced to pick one.

 

I can see that being true. I have nothing against the binary genders, but I do believe gender and sex have become two different things. We can't think of them as the same thing. I'm fine with people referring to me by my physical sex, but I can't say I connect with it. It's just normal and overall easier. But I agree when it comes to stereotypes. That's an issue with a lot of things.

[PhantomHare]

Just thought I'd post a little update. I hadn't heard of the demiguy label before, so I've been looking into that. It seems pretty fitting, honestly. I'm still researching and figuring things out, so nothing is official yet, but doing the research has kind of made me realize how little I really connect with being female. I sort of wish I could test things and see if I'd be more comfortable if I came across as more masculine, but at the same time I'm nowhere near ready to come out as demiboy or anything. I did take some gender identity quizzes just for the heck of it. I know they can't answer my question, but I was curious and wanted to learn about what other people thought made someone a certain identity. I got genderfluid, demiboy, trans male, and cis male. I guess it says something that none of my results were female? I'm not sure what to think about getting cis male...

[Just Somebody]

On 7/20/2019 at 4:44 PM, Ardoise said:

It seems to me like the label "gender non-conforming" might suit you.  It means exactly what you think- presenting and behaving outside of traditional gender norms.

I would say gender non-comforming  (gnc) is like the most vague and broad option when it comes to gender as its an umbrella term-word-identity-concept that includes both cisgender identities, the Transgender and the Intersex umbrellas.

 

[Guest]

Does gender non-conforming seriously have to be a thing? People can just do whatever the fuck they want. Tomboys existed for a reason. Very few people actually stay within the "stereotypes".  Much of it is actually social, us connecting feminine things to whatnot or masculine to wHATEver. Hence you just have to not care so much about the social things. I stripped my dysphoria down to my biology. Having boobs and the biology of being female bothered me, hence my dysphoria. I do experience social dysphoria as well though like pronouns and all that. (oooo i can hear the people screaming I'm a gatekeeper, even if I know dysphoria and euphoria are complex) There's nothing wrong with being apathetic to being female or not having pride in it. To many it's just a meat sack that helps you get around. People like labels but there's a point to where the boxes are too much. Do not worry about things such as gender identity and just focus on being you. Do what you want in life. It's just my personal belief but if gender seriously doesn't affect you in life, don't sweat it and worry about labels. If you are a masculine bio female good for you. Gotta run, the Avenites are gonna shred me.

; )

[PhantomHare]

2 hours ago, KrystalLost said:

Does gender non-conforming seriously have to be a thing? People can just do whatever the fuck they want. Tomboys existed for a reason. Very few people actually stay within the "stereotypes".  Much of it is actually social, us connecting feminine things to whatnot or masculine to wHATEver. Hence you just have to not care so much about the social things. I stripped my dysphoria down to my biology. Having boobs and the biology of being female bothered me, hence my dysphoria. I do experience social dysphoria as well though like pronouns and all that. (oooo i can hear the people screaming I'm a gatekeeper, even if I know dysphoria and euphoria are complex) There's nothing wrong with being apathetic to being female or not having pride in it. To many it's just a meat sack that helps you get around. People like labels but there's a point to where the boxes are too much. Do not worry about things such as gender identity and just focus on being you. Do what you want in life. It's just my personal belief but if gender seriously doesn't affect you in life, don't sweat it and worry about labels. If you are a masculine bio female good for you. Gotta run, the Avenites are gonna shred me.

; )

Thanks for the reply. I agree, stereotypes are really too specific for anyone to be able to stay within them. What the label is doesn't really matter to me, but I do like knowing what it is. I don't know. I'm just a very curious person and I guess I might have a bit of an obsession with learning new words and the like. I am finding that I think I've dealt with more dysphoria than I thought, but it's mild enough that it isn't a huge deal. I'm going to try not to worry too much about the labels because I know I let the wanting to know get to me more than I should. Doesn't matter what it turns out to be, but I just want to know. Thank you though! I'm not sure I've every heard of anyone else using the word "whatnot," so I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.