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oof001

Long Distance Help

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oof001

I am very very desperate for help right now, because I've been contemplating and having thoughts about breaking up with my girlfriend. Her asexuality has really affected our mixed relationship, but I'm trying so hard to find reasons why I should stay. It doesn't help that we are now long distance, and the lack of communication makes me start to think she's showing disinterest me. I don't even know if I want to or know how to initiate sex, because I know she does want to. I've told her before that I'm uncomfortable with initiating for the time being. It doesn't help that I've just started a new life in a new town with my first job, and I'm still in the adjustment phase. 

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Tanoshii

you should talk with her about everything and be honest with each other, find where you both stand on things and ultimately if you still want to break up i wouldn't force a relationship you no longer want to be in

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Telecaster68

It sounds like you're coming out of a time of upheaval and not sure about what direction you're going, and given you have reservations about your relationship, it's one of the things you're wondering about. Maybe hold off doing anything till the 'moving' dust has settled a bit, and if you still feel unsure about your relationship, open up the conversation. Being in a mixed relationship is hard, and so is long distance (I've done both but not at the same time). There's no shame in saying actually it's not meeting your needs and you'd prefer to have be in a relationship where you were desired by someone who could actually do something about it...

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CBC

If you're at the point of trying hard to find reasons why you should stay... that's not a great sign. In all honesty, this doesn't sound like a very workable relationship.

 

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anisotrophic

Yes but I think tele's advice to wait a bit was sound, given changes...

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anamikanon

Time of upheaval is a bad time to make life altering decisions that could be postponed to a more thoughtful time.

 

That said, if you need reaons to stay, have you considered you may be better off not finding them?

 

As a sexual in a relationship of sorts with an ace, and we have also been long distance for the first half of it... I can confidently tell you the long distance was the BETTER half of it, even when stressed with multiple issues. Health, travel, travel expenses, exhaustion, job stress... and still, because we met briefly, it worked. the visits ended before he could OD from sex and recoil.

 

Living together 24/7... turned into a stress fest of incompatibility that never really resolved. We only learned to keep safe distance. Because while together 24/7, there is no escaping that you want sex and she doesn't. And it becomes all.the.time the more frustrated you get and the pressured she feels (whether you pressure her or not)

 

If you have an option to not be in an incompatible relationship, it is always a good idea to TAKE it. This is my opinion.

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