ykwvn Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 So an acquaintance asked me out (very awkardly, and I kind of awkwardly didn't actually respond). I am not like particularly out as ace/aro, people just tend to eventually notice I never date anyone and kinda catch on without having to have a conversation about it. Would it be bad of me to text him saying something to the effect of "I'm not straight/I don't date men"? I would rather not have to go into the whole ace thing cause I feel like people don't get it, and I've really only talked about it with my absolute closest friends. But I feel like that may misleading? I also feel bad for not saying something when he asked and feel like the truth will probably make things less awkward between us (we work together too) then just saying I'm not interested. Does shit like this ever get easier? Has anyone managed to build a don't ask me out aura around them and how can I get one?? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Just say "Sorry. I am not interested in dating you" and move on. Happens every day and he should be able to take a no with grace. You dont need to come out to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
ykwvn Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 @Serran thanks, yeah I know that is an option, it just feels very uncomfortable to me. I think I have previously always been able to manipulate situations to just avoid getting asked out in the first place so I have less experience then the average teenager (I'm in my mid 20s) with rejecting people. Maybe I'm partially just thinking I would rather be more out, just don't want to actually have conversations to do so, and this is an opportunity to bring it up organically. Link to post Share on other sites
- Saph - Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Lying is not a good idea. The world is small and it comes back to you like karma. You don't have to give excuses for rejecting somebody. If you were not ace/aro you would still have the right to reject somebody. "I don't date if I don't have feelings. I don't have feelings. I respect you too much to lead you on so I won't date you. Take care of yourself and bye." Link to post Share on other sites
Touchofinsight Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 On 7/20/2019 at 12:39 PM, Moonman said: Look, I'm a man, I just wish that women would tell me that they aren't interested and the answer is no instead of leaving anything to the imagination. This whole vague excuses thing, these mental gymnastics, we cotton on that the answer is no but all we do is lose respect when you skirt around the issue instead of being assertive and honest. I absolutely agree with this. Just state the facts: your not interested. Okay. You don't have to explain your self (even if they ask) it wont be the last time they are rejected it helps you grow. Link to post Share on other sites
acematt Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 On 7/20/2019 at 2:39 PM, Moonman said: Look, I'm a man, I just wish that women would tell me that they aren't interested and the answer is no instead of leaving anything to the imagination. This whole vague excuses thing, these mental gymnastics, we cotton on that the answer is no but all we do is lose respect when you skirt around the issue instead of being assertive and honest. It is quite ok for men to reject women. Give them a dose of their own medicine. Personally I LOVE to reject women. Of course I am talking about sexual women not asexual so the ladies in here won't get upset by this. That is one good thing about MGTOW. Men should go their own way and not worry about what women think. Be their own person. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 Just tell him that you don't date at all (I'm assuming you don't since you're aro). Then he won't feel it's because you don't like him, but he'll understand that it's no good to ask you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Ringmaster04 Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 You can be honest without actually coming out. "I'm really flattered you think that highly of me, but I'm honestly not really interested in dating anyone right now." And then of course if you're friends / hang out from time to time you can always add that you think he's really fun to hang out with or fun around the office or whatever and appreciate his friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
AnimeGirlA Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 On 7/27/2019 at 9:24 AM, Ringmaster04 said: You can be honest without actually coming out. "I'm really flattered you think that highly of me, but I'm honestly not really interested in dating anyone right now." And then of course if you're friends / hang out from time to time you can always add that you think he's really fun to hang out with or fun around the office or whatever and appreciate his friendship. “I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.” That’s my life excuse to certain family members lol. Then I might follow up with “I’m only 18, there’s no rush.” <— ‘number changes though years haha’ I’m nearly 20 now and still saying it even though I want to have a family, get married and have kids. I always feel like that will be so hard for me because so many people are usually brought together by attraction in some form. Does anyone else feel like they want a relationship but at the same time don’t? Link to post Share on other sites
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