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I hate romance


grazingsheep

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grazingsheep

I probably shouldn't be posting this, since I get so angry about everything. but god im so peeved right now

 

I have a room mate who goes on dates with rich men because ' women and men love differently, and women will always put more work into the relationship than men so men have to provide money'. we argued about this but shes a psych major so all of her opinions were right, its a transaction yatta yatta bull shit. gay couples dont count or whatever for some reason. 

 

I'm so sick of romance. I'm so sick of the disgusting ways people see eachother and treat eachother. all the sexism, the rape, STDs, shitty unwanted babies that ruin womens lives. I'm so sick of how DUMB love makes people, how hurtful and disgusting people can be. I see it all the time. But this is ultimatly pointless. I am mad about something that cannot be changed, I'm mad about humanity.

 

I feel like a flower talking to a cat. "how can you eat !! its flesh! you have to kill other creatures to make it." "yeah but it tastes good!" "You're destroying rain forest, causing all this pollution. the animals you factory farm live horrible lives! you should just photosynthisize and live off the rain :D"  " yeah well, I cant do that, I need  to eat to survie"

 

My only hope is for allos to start being less shitty, for sexism and racism and all that to end so relationships can be more equal. but uh... good fucking luck

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grazingsheep

I know there are Ace people who are romantic. and I really hope you guys find happiness.

 

I'm just fighting against human nature, desperatly hoping we evolve past something that NO ONE BUT ME sees as a problem lol. I'm in my own little corner. this is so frustrating.  romance is full of such imbalance, so much sexism. It just makes me sick

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@)->--> -

 

I murdered a rose for you @grazingsheep😁.  I hope your rant made you feel better.  Wait are we in Tea and Sympathy? 

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BlakeTheNightowl~

I feel ya I am romance repulsed and I totally agree with this romance can go to hell and the std’s  and unwanted babies and shit it can all go to hell for all I care it’s just bs I mean to each their own just don’t involve me in it it’s disgusting 

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RoseGoesToYale
12 minutes ago, grazingsheep said:

' women and men love differently, and women will always put more work into the relationship than men so men have to provide money'

This is a very old and sexist view of romantic relationships. This, to me, is the reason why feminism hasn't made nearly the strides it should have in the US. A lot of women still want material gains from men in relationships because they've been taught that men are providers, and men still see it as their duty to provide for the woman, at all costs, and to fail is seen as a complete failure of manhood. Especially in the capitalist system, women and men are seen as competitors for the same resource, love, and so long as they see each other that way, gender inequality will hold firm.

 

I can guarantee as long as she holds to that ideal, your roommate will be unfulfilled in relationships. And social scientists still can't pinpoint why the divorce rate is so high.

 

It happens to platonic relationships, too. Friends that are just in it for popularity, prestige, connections, an on-demand emotional outlet, or self-inflation? These friendships are doomed to failure. And I see more and more of them every day with the rise of social media. People only want to be friends if they can get something out of you. It's the same stupid competition... competing for love and not finding any because they treat love like a pile of bottled water stored up for the hurricane.

 

That said, not everyone is competing. Good, wholesome romantic and platonic relationships are founded on mutual respect, enjoyment of each other's company, and working together. Just ask Aamu Song and Johan Olin.

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58 minutes ago, grazingsheep said:

shes a psych major so all of her opinions were right, its a transaction yatta yatta bull shit. gay couples dont count or whatever for some reason. 

lol oh those Psych majors. read a couple of books. take some years in classes and given a piece of paper saying congrats you can read and take tests you so smart tee hee :3 and suddenly they think they know everything that has to do with life never mind the fact that psychology is constantly evolving and changes everyday with so many researches done on relationships are outdated or done horribly wrong. and then theres the fact that there are old cultures and traditions that are still around even to this day. being Mexican and growing up in a Spanish speaking home. its been deeply rooted in the way women talk and react to males that males are the bread winners that a male needs to be masculine so as to provide for a female at all times and females need to clean and do all the house work. my dad try to ingrain that mindset right from the beginning but i saw through that horrible mess. but others unfortunately take it too heart both males and females. where i once knew a guy who had deep toxic masculinity born from a traditional Mexican home and felt he always had to fight and show off just so women can love and adore him. even if you where his friend make one comment about how he might be weak or he should tone down and he want to fight right on the spot. and never talk about his momma cause he will put you in the hospital even if it was a joke.
and i once knew a girl in my class back in high school who felt she didnt need to get good grades or do homework cause all she had to do was find a man to take care of her and she will be set for life. which angered the teachers assisted whom she was arguing with and im like oh god what are you and why!?

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firewallflower

I hear (well, read) your frustration here, and I'm sorry and empathize with some of it. 😕 However, I think the issue here isn't the romance itself, per se. People can, unfortunately, be dumb, and hurtful, and disgusting, and all manner of other unpleasant things—and yes, these things definitely affect romantic relationships all too much all too often. And I do think recognizing these issues (and doing one's best to avoid perpetuating them) is important.

 

But... the fact that some people enter unequal or otherwise negative romantic relationships, and that "romance" can have harmful manifestations, doesn't mean that romance is inherently bad, any more than the reality of selfish, disloyal or otherwise not-so-great friends means that friendships are inherently bad. Neither is the case; it's just that humans have problems, so anything we do or get involved in is liable to be overtaken by our humanness.

 

Your roommate's view of romance is obviously problematic in ways I don't need to explain. (The layers of wrongness that I could peel apart... but I shan't go there.) But just because she approaches dating this way, just because sexism is a thing, just because unwanted pregnancies and STDs happen, just because there are horrible people out there... doesn't define romance. What about love that is actually about love, not just "he's rich" or "she's sexy"? What about the give and take of mutual trust, caring, and respect that characterizes a healthy relationship? What about the genuinely positive, mutually beneficial relationships that bring out the best in both parties involved? (And yes, these relationships do exist!)

 

So while I agree that the examples you listed are saddening and in some cases even sickening—and I can't blame you for "hating" some of these things!—what I don't agree with is that the romance factor is the key issue. The problems you are talking about are more more general than that. Like any human relationship, romantic ones have the potential for both great positive and great negative.

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RakshaTheCat
2 hours ago, grazingsheep said:

I'm so sick of romance. I'm so sick of the disgusting ways people see eachother and treat eachother. all the sexism, the rape, STDs, shitty unwanted babies that ruin womens lives. I'm so sick of how DUMB love makes people, how hurtful and disgusting people can be. I see it all the time. But this is ultimatly pointless. I am mad about something that cannot be changed, I'm mad about humanity.

Romance seems to be just a kink like any other. Problem is, it became privileged, so random people get caught in that all the time without giving consent. If all those annoying  romancers got pushed into BDSM world where they belong, whole concept would stop harming people who are not interested. Romancers could use some lessons about consent and negotiations from other kinksters anyway 😺

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Anthracite_Impreza

Like others have said, romance isn't the problem here, people are. People are often problematic, thus so is everything they're involved in. Friendships can also be toxic, parents (in my experience) are the absolute worst for it.

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SupercalifragilisticNugget

  In the rare instances of a romantic relationship where the two people involved have respect for one another and aren’t in it to gain something for themselves, the results can be something nice. I may not be able to understand the attraction side of it, but I can see how their care for one another makes them a good.. team, in a sense. 

  Unfortunately those kind of relationships have been replaced with quick, let-me-satisfy-me ones more often than not, and because of that, the latter are the ones we see mostly anymore. 

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DuranDuranfan

I remember for the longest time when I was younger, I was put off by romance and hated anything to do it. Especially Valentines Day! I hated a lot of the people at school because of the bullying, I also had no crushes, again it was from being bullied. None of the guys in school seemed to have nothing in common with me. So I was convinced I’d be alone without someone even for companionship(I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone at school, and not even after I graduated).

 

Then I met this guy(not my husband) at work in late 2000. We had the same interests in music groups, and he seemed to have a nice personality, so I was majorly attracted to him, esthetically, romantically, and sexually. Especially sexually. I wanted to jump his bone! Before this, the only other sexual attraction I had was to a fictional character(Billy Cranston). Every time we went our separate ways home I was missing him loads. That’s how intense this crush was. But there were things I was blind to. His mom seemed a little too protective of him, he had this weird obsession with celebrities, and he never stayed at job for a long time. Like he couldn’t make up his mind about his career goals. His obsession with celebrities gave me doubts about my own appearance(like I didn’t measure up). They say love is blind, and there is truth to this statement. 

 

For a while, we didn’t see each other(he had college, I got busy with work). Then I contacted him on Facebook in 2008. It seemed promising because he said he had been thinking about me too. We messaged back and forth for a while then we set up a date for Valentines Day(of all days) in 2009. Things went great, at least I thought they did. Although I was soooo tempted to sleep with him, I didn’t want to give in to the urge. And I’m glad I didn’t. Afterwards, he ghosted me. I phoned him, texted him, and Facebook messaged him to find out what the hell was up. I mean, I thought we still had a connection. And I thought he was attracted to me too. I remember this one time long before(in 2001), we were at this concert, slow dancing and he was sucking and nibbling on my ear, which he didn’t know at the time is an erogenous zone for me. It drove me wild. This is one reason I thought he was attracted to me. We’ve also kissed and I thought he seemed into it. Anyway, he finally contacts me, says sorry that he didn’t message or text for while, and it turned out he was never really into me. Naturally I was devastated but I said, okay could we still get together occasionally but as friends? I said I’d be cool with that. But, I couldn’t seem to get a straight answer. Then I get a Facebook message, not from him, but from another one of his friends(another girl of all people), saying to leave him alone he’s not interested blah blah blah, when I clearly stated before, to him, that I’m cool with hanging out as friends and wouldn’t put any moves on him beyond that, as much as it hurt. I never replied to this girl. Instead this incident opened my eyes to his true colours, that he was a coward who needed someone else to do the talking for him. I email him, saying we are no longer friends either. I remove him from my Facebook contacts, box up every memento that reminded me of him, and delete his number from my phone. That was in late 2009. And I haven’t talked to him since. 

 

When I did that, it was like a weight lifted off me, and I felt at peace. But I was disgusted that I wasted so much energy on him. 

 

But, now I’m married. And it’s different because it’s not an infatuation like with that other guy. He has  a stable job(the same one he’s been at for 18 years now), and no weird celebrity obsession! Plus I get along with his mom no problem. 

 

I guess what I’m saying is, yeah, experiences do cloud your judgement whether for good or bad. And maybe you have to kiss a few frogs before the prince. I sure did!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Touchofinsight

I hate the concept of "romance" because it is so loaded with unrealistic expectations for both sexes which generally reinforces a ton of terrible behaviors especially in communication.

 

 

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On 7/18/2019 at 9:13 PM, RoseGoesToYale said:

 A lot of women still want material gains from men in relationships because they've been taught that men are providers, and men still see it as their duty to provide for the woman, at all costs, and to fail is seen as a complete failure of manhood.

I really, really doubt that young girls are still being taught that men will be providers for them.  In the US, that changed at least 40 years ago.  Those who go to university more likely start their own careers, and those who don't go to university get other training or get jobs wherever they can.  

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