Me and my history.

[3Xi3X]

Since I was a child, since I could remember I have had a fondness for people. I would see strangers and I would smile. Hoping to brighten their day. I remember doing this when I was still stuck in a stroller.

 

I also remember I was also admiring people. Men or women. I would observe them. Their actions, their mannerisms. I would listen to the tone of their voice, if it was deep or high. Warm or sharp. I remember being captivated by the many different appearances all around me. The incredible height of some men and the elegant beauty of some women.

 

My mom would catch me staring at women with long brown hair often. And she would ask me if I thought they were beautiful. I did.

 

If she had asked me if I thought some men were handsome, I probably would have said yes too. But she didn´t.

 

I grew up an only child until I was 9 years old. And although my mom had a boyfriend when I was 2 who eventually became my step father. I knew that Ï didn´t have two parents¨. In my mind, all I had and all I needed was my mother. I thought for a long time that maybe it was this influence, watching my young beautiful mother at all times that caused me some of the trouble I ran into later on in life. But I don´t think so anymore.

 

This desire to love people stayed with me and has actually helped fuel my resolve to continue forward with my head held high. But at age 12 and 13 when kids started to really hit puberty and explore their bodies and delve into sexual activity. I was of course, like many asexuals, not on the band wagon, at all.

 

I remember asking my good friend at the time to clarify what some of these words meant that kids started to use. And why were girls going over to boys houses?

 

I remember friends telling me that there were girls who were flirting with me and had the ¨hots¨ for me. I was clueless. I didn´t understand. We were just talking. We were just polite to one another. There was no way that those gorgeous girls wanted to waste spending their time with me. Haha.

 

I was insecure about my weight at the time and I didn´t have any particular reason to think I was attractive. I wasn´t into sports... I wasn´t popular. It didn´t make sense.

 

I did admit that girls were beautiful. I would tell them directly if I had the chance. Still, once I got to know someone I would decide if I liked spending time with them or not. I would pick their brains and really learn about them. That’s when I would ask girls out. And they always said yes. I was lucky.

 

I tended to talk to girls easily. I hung out with them during school hours. I found them to be more understanding and sensitive. I thought those qualities were important. Guys got very jealous and insecure about me and started to target me for their verbal barbs. I was accused of being in the closet. I was called terrible names, blah, blah, blah.

 

I went to the only person I could and the only person I needed to.  My mom. I told her what was happening in school and I remember her calmly sitting down beside me and asking. ¨Well son, what do you think? Do you like girls?¨ “Yes.” Was my answer. But I wasn´t thinking sexually. I wasn´t thinking about touching them or ... well, you know. “And, do you want to kiss a boy?” She asked. I was stunned. “Kiss? No.” I said. But that didn´t mean I didn´t want to have guy friends and hang out. I saw a lot of guys play sports and seem to bond. Why didn´t I have more guy friends like that? So, based off my answers we concluded that I was straight. I did however have some feminisms. (Mannerisms).

 

Turns out all the girls (and many guys) agreed I was the “nice” guy. I was a gentleman. As I got older my body changed. I turned out to be quite tall and my weight problem swung the other way. Now I was that super skinny guy that could eat as much as he wanted. Still I had girls in High School vying for me. I didn´t know what to think or how to feel.

 

I skipped all the sex opportunities and I became the “scaredy cat”, the “high school virgin”, the “prude”. Luckily those words didn´t bother me. It isn´t a crime to wait. It isn´t taboo to avoid the possibility of becoming or being too promiscuous. I just kept going to school and doing my thing. Being myself. But I admit I kept the excuse of “I don’t want to accidentally have kids” up like a shield.

 

Then there were times when I did decide to go along with things, I experimented with male and female to see if that would change how I felt. It didn´t matter. I had no interest no matter what. And in some cases I would end up stopping altogether. 

 

I know now that I can partake in any activity but I am definitely asexual. And because I care for people in general, male or female I have decided that I should consider myself biromantic. But who really knows on the romantic side of life? I am learning that’s a grey area for most.

 

Sorry for having such a long intro story, but that’s me. I like to write by the way so you´ll see me in the Open Mic area soon. Haha.

 

Now, let´s party!

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

Thanks for sharing your story, it was a great intro! Welcome!

 

[3Xi3X]

Thanks. And that is my kind of cake.

[•◡•]

Welcome, thank you for sharing your story

 

Have some cake,

[3Xi3X]

Thank you. I was going to write more but I also wanted to avoid any uncomfortable topics, haha.

 

That cake is magical.

[jo20701]

Thanks for sharing! And welcome! I find it interesting how easy it is to assume we're straight.

[NickyTannock]

@3Xi3X Welcome to AVEN!

 

Thank you for sharing your story.

When you say that you care for people in general, male or female, do you want Romantic Relationships or Platonic Friendships?

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Johnphibius Cake,

[3Xi3X]

4 hours ago, jo20701 said:

Thanks for sharing! And welcome! I find it interesting how easy it is to assume we're straight.

True. I guess “ace” isn’t an option for most people still.

 

@MichaelTannock I am in a romantic relationship with a girl now. But I think I could have the same thing with a guy too.

 

I also could be very happy with a platonic one.

 

*Let me clarify something. To me, I can hug and “touch” my friends without being in a relationship. But outside of that, or should I say, any more than that and I feel a romantic relationship and a platonic one aren’t really different.

[Lichley]

Welcome! I’d recommend checking out this sketchcomic on the types of attraction, I find that it really helps to clarify things for a lot of people (myself included)  

https://www.deviantart.com/secondlina/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729 <<<

[Goonie]

welcome 3xix3

 

I hope to see some of your stuff in Open Mic soon when you are comfortable enough sharing.

[will123]

Welcome to AVEN!  

 

I can relate to your 'gentleman' comment. I came out as asexual to a friend earlier this year. She made a similar comment about me not acting like a (fill in the blank) like most guys, which in her books was nice (we've known each other for about 15 years).

[Guest]

 It sounds as if you are finding your feet with all of this. 😊

 

 it's interesting that even though your mom was trying to help you to find out about yourself, she didn't know about asexuality either. Maybe the next generation will have better advice!

 

Your mom sounds really lovely by the way!

[Strange-quark]

Welcome welcome!

Here's some more cake, even if you've had some quite cool ones already