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Frustrated Asexual Furry


GenderfluidCatLover

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GenderfluidCatLover

Note for people who may have misconceptions about the furry community: It is not about beastiality or specifically acting like animals. It’s more about art and expressing yourself creatively through an animalistic medium. Almost all the groups I’ve participated in are completely PG and non-sexual. That one CSI episode, Fur and Loathing, is extremely wrong.

 

It’s very frustrating being asexual in the furry community.

The actual people in the community are awesome. I never get any issues from them and they’re super accepting of almost everything.

But the trolls/people outside the community are such a pain.

People who think that being a furry means you have a kink for animals or doing it in a suit or something. They’re the worst. Not only do they harass us for being “deviants” they like deny my claims that I’m ace? Even though I don’t even like to be touched?

Its just so annoying.

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andreas1033

Its what everyone does, ie project there own rubbish into your life.

 

I find the more sexually driven the person is, the more they do this. They seem to think, everyone can only be like they are, and driven for sex.

 

Totally agree its annoying, about how they always want to project sexual stuff into anything, or everything you do.

 

Your not alone in having to live with such nonsense.

 

Never heard of furry, but remember, alot of people are like the trolls you talk about, and you know it.

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NylaTheWolf

I'm in the same boat, buddy

 

...which is pretty obvious considering my username

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GreyGirlofMeta

I dunno, I'm not really against furries but isn't it mostly a kink for people? I absolutely understand that it must be really frustrating though, seeing that most furry communities are at least avid in relationships.

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rainbowocollie
9 minutes ago, GreyGirlofMeta said:

I dunno, I'm not really against furries but isn't it mostly a kink for people?

Hi! Furry here. Kink can be involved & the community is very accepting of kink and fetish stuff, but it isn't inherently a kink. It's primarily a hobby.

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rainbowocollie

There with you friendo. Like, I feel like I should be able to just do me and not care what others think, but like....the hate gets to me.

And I'm in a Christian facebook group called Geeks Under Grace, which until recently the admin team has let furries post since our hobby is just as geeky as the rest of 'em. I say until recently, cuz last time I tried to submit a post they told me to hold off for a bit & they're working on a way for us to express ourselves without the group going into hysterics every time someone makes a positive furry post....which leads to my frustrations, I can't post my hobby in the group without getting rude af comments, angry reacts, people reporting my post to the admins thinking it's something kinky & therefore inappropriate..... le sigh

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Furry is a hobby, with thousands put into the suits and a carefully crafted fursona... and kids go the cons cause it can just be fun.

 

But... it is also a kink. There are people who like sex in their suits and all that. 

 

So, when you mix the two and the only one that hits mainstream (iZombie, CSI, etc all feature furries who are into the sexual side) is the sexual one, plus if you search for images of furry you get bombarded with pornographic drawings (or, if you just search furry, the first image caption is "what its like to have sex as a furry") , then the people unfamiliar are going to assume it is sexual. 

 

Which, can't really blame them. The overwhelming public image of furries is sexual. The documentary fursonas, made by a furry, includes his personal story (interest started with porn, finds the hobby sexual) and an interview with a sex toy maker who markets their sex toys to furries specifically. It includes the fact there are others with less sexual interest, but it is heavily there within the community as well. And people who already think its a bit out of their comfort zones will latch onto the sexual bits more so than the non-sexual ones. 

 

So, I get it can be annoying. Not everyone is into the sexual side. But, it is understandable why so many people think of it as sexual. And, until there are more resources and representations that aren't as sexual, it will remain pretty taboo. So, maybe the community needs to put out more family friendly documentaries and such to combat the sexual reputation. If its something the community as a whole dislikes, maybe a group effort could get another documentary like fursonas... but without the sexual focus that would make most conservative people squirm seeing animal dildos. 

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rainbowocollie

CNN put out a documentary that focused on the G rated side last year. I cried when I watched it.

 

Going by twitter posts at least, there is a vocal part of the community that doesn't want us to be accepted by the mainstream, their view being that that would mean the community would be less safe for LGBT people (a huge portion of the fanbase is LGBT), and that people who make a living selling  fursuits and other things would no longer be able to do that because corporations can make those things a lot cheaper. Another concern I saw expressed would be that sites like furaffinity would be pressured to no longer allow kink and fetish art.

 

I just want to be able to enjoy my hobby without people thinking I'm some freak who wants to diddle animals, I don't want the fandom to become mainstream per se, I just want better press.

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I think that most fandoms have a weird sexual side, honestly.  Just look at An Archive of Our Own...

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Anthracite_Impreza

Conservatives especially focus on the sexual parts of non-straight relationships, because they seem to be obsessed with what others' genitals are doing. The general populace do the same thing with anything unusual, so furries, bdsm, objectum orientations (as an asexual objectum, I feel your pain)... People are obsessed with the most "extreme" parts of anything.

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abandoned-account

It's a shame, really. It's the "weirder" side of the fandom/culture that seems to get the most attention outside and has become the token stereotype for furries. I'm not really "furry" myself, but I do have a lot of appreciation for the skill that goes into (non-sexual) anthropomorphic art and designs, as well as with fursuits. I think a lot of them look cute and well-made! I think as with similar big interest-communities like cartoon/anime, movie, book etc. fandoms there will be those who will make it sexual, but it certainly doesn't have to be.

 

Idk if it's been done already, but maybe a thread on here dedicated to ace furries could be a cool idea!

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It is always disappointing how quickly everyone makes sexual connections with anything. You can barely state liking anything without having it reflect on sexuality. It holds back people.

 

I'm in a social clique that would generally be pretty quick to condemn furries, but I really don't know why that reaction is so strong. I guess it is just human nature to be critical of something odd.

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Honestly, every fandom has a dark and sexual side. I literally can't google a normal picture of any character without seeing porn of it. Also, as somebody who actually really enjoys most aspects of the furry fandom (other than the sexual side), I can understand your pain. The reason I don't call myself furry is because I don't want the baggage that comes with it. Literally anything can be a kink. Anything. That's why Rule 34 is a thing. It just depends on how you treat it for you. I don't see it as a kink at all for myself. For me, it's just a fun thing where I create fun cartoon animals and get to perform for people. Unfortunately, you can't control what other people think. The fandom looks weird from the outside, so some people will always think it's weird. You just kind of have to make sure that those people don't get in the way of you enjoying your hobby.

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abandoned-account
21 hours ago, questdrivencollie said:

I just want to be able to enjoy my hobby without people thinking I'm some freak who wants to diddle animals, I don't want the fandom to become mainstream per se, I just want better press.

That thing about going mainstream actually sounds... kind of smart. Reminds me of how (IMO) many online communities like YouTube used to feel more fun and creative before the big cooperate stuff took over...

 

I agree with wanting better press too. I'm sick of seeing people hating on furries and wishing them horrible deaths simply because "it's weird" (If that's the best argument you can come up with, I don't have any more time to waste talking to you).

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Being sex repulsed I've been uneasy around furries for a long time but my SO has been educating me that they're not all like that.

I even met some at the con in Atlanta Georgia recently. They were nice.

 

Thanks Vee!

 

Also in response to all the porn that comes up when you look it up unfortunately...

 

I think of philosoraptor


TRIGGER WARNING

Spoiler

"If it exists there's porn of it, if there is no porn of it can it exist?"

I think my answer would be yes! Look at asexuals! They are fine without it.

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I got into the furry fandom back in the late 90s, and what I initially found was that it was fanfics, fanart, cosplay and roleplay. Great for escaping my boring / stressful life (at the time, exams & coursework!). I wrote, I made artwork and animations, I met other furries online and off. Great fun. 

 

Obviously / inevitably I became aware / was exposed to the sordid side of furry, which didn't ruin everything for me - it's just variety, and some folks like that sort of thing. 

 

In my opinion (and apologies if this winds anyone up), furry is as niche as you want it to be - it can be a kink, it can be a lifestyle, and every other variety of everything. The same sort of thing as being a goth - it's a weekend fashion choice, it's a decision to decorate your house in leather and spikes, it's an excuse to play 'vampire'. I could even go as far as likening it to crossdressing (again, conscious lifestyle decision to change your gender versus something naughty to do at the weekends). Etc. and blah. 

 

As for the 'animal' accusations, it's a petty-minded person who would lump furries into that category by simple association of "They look the same". I once read somewhere that some members of the furry fandom are into that sort of thing, in the same way that some members of the church are into that sort of thing - don't tar everyone with the same brush because you don't have all of the information. 

 

Back to asexuality in the fandom - we're a niche inside a niche! Come to the ace side! We have cake! :3 

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GenderfluidCatLover
On 7/18/2019 at 6:03 PM, GreyGirlofMeta said:

I dunno, I'm not really against furries but isn't it mostly a kink for people? I absolutely understand that it must be really frustrating though, seeing that most furry communities are at least avid in relationships.

Actually less than 20% of the community sees it as a kink, and I’m betting the number is a lot lower.

as I mentioned in the post most of the groups I participate in are completely PG and actually frown on sexual content. And these aren’t hand picked groups.

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GenderfluidCatLover
On 7/18/2019 at 7:47 PM, Serran said:

Furry is a hobby, with thousands put into the suits and a carefully crafted fursona... and kids go the cons cause it can just be fun.

 

But... it is also a kink. There are people who like sex in their suits and all that. 

 

So, when you mix the two and the only one that hits mainstream (iZombie, CSI, etc all feature furries who are into the sexual side) is the sexual one, plus if you search for images of furry you get bombarded with pornographic drawings (or, if you just search furry, the first image caption is "what its like to have sex as a furry") , then the people unfamiliar are going to assume it is sexual. 

 

Which, can't really blame them. The overwhelming public image of furries is sexual. The documentary fursonas, made by a furry, includes his personal story (interest started with porn, finds the hobby sexual) and an interview with a sex toy maker who markets their sex toys to furries specifically. It includes the fact there are others with less sexual interest, but it is heavily there within the community as well. And people who already think its a bit out of their comfort zones will latch onto the sexual bits more so than the non-sexual ones. 

 

So, I get it can be annoying. Not everyone is into the sexual side. But, it is understandable why so many people think of it as sexual. And, until there are more resources and representations that aren't as sexual, it will remain pretty taboo. So, maybe the community needs to put out more family friendly documentaries and such to combat the sexual reputation. If its something the community as a whole dislikes, maybe a group effort could get another documentary like fursonas... but without the sexual focus that would make most conservative people squirm seeing animal dildos. 

Thanks for the idea. I’ll definitely pitch it to my furry friends in my area and see if they’d be interested.

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I'm always impressed with the skill and dedication that goes into making and performing in fursuits.

 

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  • 1 month later...
Spades&Hearts
On 7/18/2019 at 5:09 PM, GenderfluidCatLover said:

Note for people who may have misconceptions about the furry community: It is not about beastiality or specifically acting like animals. It’s more about art and expressing yourself creatively through an animalistic medium. Almost all the groups I’ve participated in are completely PG and non-sexual. That one CSI episode, Fur and Loathing, is extremely wrong.

 

It’s very frustrating being asexual in the furry community.

The actual people in the community are awesome. I never get any issues from them and they’re super accepting of almost everything.

But the trolls/people outside the community are such a pain.

People who think that being a furry means you have a kink for animals or doing it in a suit or something. They’re the worst. Not only do they harass us for being “deviants” they like deny my claims that I’m ace? Even though I don’t even like to be touched?

Its just so annoying.

This is something I really needed to see. I identify along the asexual spectrum and have recently been becoming more comfortable in accepting myself in the furry community. I think the reason I haven't been able to accept myself as a furry in the first place is because everyone around me shames the furry community and makes cruel jokes about them. It's never been a sexual thing for me - I just love the art and the costumes people create (personally I'm a big fan of lizard furries). 

 

But recently things have gotten really bad in my friend group. Since I've been a part of this friend group (it's been almost 2 years now), they have always made fun of furries and associated them to beastiality. I've always tried to defend the furry community, but all my friends always shut me down. What's gotten so bad recently is that a lot of my friends seem to have figured out that I am actually a furry (even though I haven't outright said "yes" because I'm scared to tell them). They shame me for potentially being a furry and saying that I "like animals" in a way that sounds like beastiality to me, which really hurts coming from these people who are supposed to be my friends. I love animals because I'm an animal person, which has nothing to do with being a furry. Part of the appeal of the furry community to me is that they are sentient creatures on the same intellectual level as humans. It disgusts me that my friends insinuate I "like animals" in a beastiality way. It absolutely disgusts me to my core. I went to dinner last night with my friends and they basically shamed me at the table for being a furry and told me I "don't know what I'm talking about". I beg to differ because they CLEARLY don't understand the furry community. As someone who has done their research and struggled with their sexuality since eighth grade, I have researched the furry community extensively and watched videos of people explaining their furry experiences. I think I know a lot better than my friends what furry culture can be, however, they have always refused to listen to me and continuously told me I don't know what I'm talking about and that I better not identify that way.

 

After everything at dinner last night, I ended up crying and calling a hotline just to have someone to talk to who wouldn't shame me for who I am and what I'm feeling. I don't think friends are supposed to make you feel this way. Another friend from that group also said that a marriage/relationship could never be successful without sex, which for me, I would be perfectly content in a relationship that never has sex. I'm sex-repulsed. So basically, my friend made me feel that I'll never find a partner in life unless I have sex with someone and I'm scared to be forced in a relationship with someone one day just so I'm not alone and then be made to have sex. I'm scared to be alone in life and I just feel with all my friends' comments lately that no one will ever want a furry, sex-repulsed asexual to be around them.

 

I'm sorry that is a lot to read, but if you read all of that thank you so much. I'm just so scared recently of what to do because I don't feel like I can trust any of my friends with who I really am because they'll make fun of me and hate me. I'm so terrified of being rejected and having no one I can trust and I just don't know what to do. I've felt more and more alone recently and I want a relationship someday, but with how my friends act I don't feel like anyone will ever be able to love me for what I am. Thank you for reading this and I hope you won't shame me too like my friends do. The teasing is getting worse and I just can't listen to the hate the furry community and the ace community get anymore. I'm glad there's at least a few people who understand me.

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Yeah, I know how that is. My brother is a furry and when my mom found out she had the same misconceptions as a lot of people. It's a shame, he dies a lot of art and it's really good, he only posts it on Twitter. I also have an interest in the community and love following artists and suit makers.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

@Spades&Hearts They don't sound like friends at all. My friends may not understand my orientation on an instinctive level, but they're happy for us and that's how friends should be.

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That was a tough read, @Spades&Hearts - but thank you for sharing it with us. 

And I'll agree wholeheartedly with @Anthracite_Impreza above, as your 'so-called' friends either need to get a clue or need to take a long walk off a short pier (preferably the first option). 

Having experienced some negative peer-feedback myself in respect of my furry interests, I will offer a nugget of advice though - don't rely wholly on finding friends only inside the fandom. 

I found out that the hard way by ditching those 'friends' that had made fun / made accusations of me and the fandom, and instead I focused on making friends with random furry-folk online solely. And whilst I did make some genuine friends, needless to say time-zones / distances, computer issues and general drama eventually left me without anyone to turn to, furry or not. 

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Janus the Fox

Um yeah, totally agree, often the people’s and media perceptions put a sexual spin on anything socially or lifestyle unusual.  The actual people in Furry communities are majority not what the media or people think at all.

 

I've been out as part Furry, Fox, Asexual and Agender in my local furmeet, I’ve never had any problems, I have never been propositioned for sex (ie yiff) at any point from anybody for being a Fox a Vixen or a Femboy at any point, despite the ‘clearly obvious stereotype’ as such being all out sexual pervs.

 

Thats IRL in virtual space I did try to get into that in role play and creative fantasy, the background of Janus is often sexually exaggerated to a point, ‘if there’s money in it’ as Janus says at the end of the day.  I haven’t done very much for a few years managing, moderating and administrating a furry yiff fetish community/RP and escorting service on Second Life.

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I’m not a furry myself, but some of my friends are. They are very kind and welcoming, and I love them to bits!

As an artist, I draw furries as well because I like to polish up my drawing skills and also it’s really fun to draw them; there are a lot of good artists out there in the furry community. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with liking and/or drawing furries. It’s just an animal that stands with their legs, kinda like most cartoon characters. The problem is the negative connotation that the community has, which is that they engage in weird sex stuff (since I don’t want to say the latter word) It’s unfortunate that the minority of the community that does weird sex stuff is seen as the representative of the entire community.

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I never understood the amount of hate you guys get and from the anime community as a whole of all places. Literally the most rejected humans in all social settings would reject another ... I knew 3 people who were furries and one of them was an old ex of mine from years ago. Mostly its a 2D complex, nothing more or less really.

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  • 2 months later...
GenderfluidCatLover
On 9/2/2019 at 12:13 PM, Spades&Hearts said:

This is something I really needed to see. I identify along the asexual spectrum and have recently been becoming more comfortable in accepting myself in the furry community. I think the reason I haven't been able to accept myself as a furry in the first place is because everyone around me shames the furry community and makes cruel jokes about them. It's never been a sexual thing for me - I just love the art and the costumes people create (personally I'm a big fan of lizard furries). 

 

But recently things have gotten really bad in my friend group. Since I've been a part of this friend group (it's been almost 2 years now), they have always made fun of furries and associated them to beastiality. I've always tried to defend the furry community, but all my friends always shut me down. What's gotten so bad recently is that a lot of my friends seem to have figured out that I am actually a furry (even though I haven't outright said "yes" because I'm scared to tell them). They shame me for potentially being a furry and saying that I "like animals" in a way that sounds like beastiality to me, which really hurts coming from these people who are supposed to be my friends. I love animals because I'm an animal person, which has nothing to do with being a furry. Part of the appeal of the furry community to me is that they are sentient creatures on the same intellectual level as humans. It disgusts me that my friends insinuate I "like animals" in a beastiality way. It absolutely disgusts me to my core. I went to dinner last night with my friends and they basically shamed me at the table for being a furry and told me I "don't know what I'm talking about". I beg to differ because they CLEARLY don't understand the furry community. As someone who has done their research and struggled with their sexuality since eighth grade, I have researched the furry community extensively and watched videos of people explaining their furry experiences. I think I know a lot better than my friends what furry culture can be, however, they have always refused to listen to me and continuously told me I don't know what I'm talking about and that I better not identify that way.

 

After everything at dinner last night, I ended up crying and calling a hotline just to have someone to talk to who wouldn't shame me for who I am and what I'm feeling. I don't think friends are supposed to make you feel this way. Another friend from that group also said that a marriage/relationship could never be successful without sex, which for me, I would be perfectly content in a relationship that never has sex. I'm sex-repulsed. So basically, my friend made me feel that I'll never find a partner in life unless I have sex with someone and I'm scared to be forced in a relationship with someone one day just so I'm not alone and then be made to have sex. I'm scared to be alone in life and I just feel with all my friends' comments lately that no one will ever want a furry, sex-repulsed asexual to be around them.

 

I'm sorry that is a lot to read, but if you read all of that thank you so much. I'm just so scared recently of what to do because I don't feel like I can trust any of my friends with who I really am because they'll make fun of me and hate me. I'm so terrified of being rejected and having no one I can trust and I just don't know what to do. I've felt more and more alone recently and I want a relationship someday, but with how my friends act I don't feel like anyone will ever be able to love me for what I am. Thank you for reading this and I hope you won't shame me too like my friends do. The teasing is getting worse and I just can't listen to the hate the furry community and the ace community get anymore. I'm glad there's at least a few people who understand me.

 

On 9/2/2019 at 4:57 PM, Raire said:

That was a tough read, @Spades&Hearts - but thank you for sharing it with us. 

And I'll agree wholeheartedly with @Anthracite_Impreza above, as your 'so-called' friends either need to get a clue or need to take a long walk off a short pier (preferably the first option). 

Having experienced some negative peer-feedback myself in respect of my furry interests, I will offer a nugget of advice though - don't rely wholly on finding friends only inside the fandom. 

I found out that the hard way by ditching those 'friends' that had made fun / made accusations of me and the fandom, and instead I focused on making friends with random furry-folk online solely. And whilst I did make some genuine friends, needless to say time-zones / distances, computer issues and general drama eventually left me without anyone to turn to, furry or not. 

SpadesandHearts I’m really sorry the people you trusted have been hurting you like that. I agree with Raire that they either need to change their attitude or

get out of your life because no friend should drive you to needing to call a hotline.

 

While making friends with other furs online can be very helpful (as I have done as well) it also has its limitations like Raire mentioned.

 

If you can find in person groups near you it can be really beneficial. I live in CT, USA and we have a nerd convention called Connecticon where there is almost always a meetup for furries and a parade. I met a lot of people there and I talk to them regularly on discord now. Small things like that can really help.

Id love to talk to you more on something other than a forum if you would like since this isn’t the best talking method

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  • 1 month later...
On 7/19/2019 at 12:21 AM, questdrivencollie said:

There with you friendo. Like, I feel like I should be able to just do me and not care what others think, but like....the hate gets to me.

And I'm in a Christian facebook group called Geeks Under Grace, which until recently the admin team has let furries post since our hobby is just as geeky as the rest of 'em. I say until recently, cuz last time I tried to submit a post they told me to hold off for a bit & they're working on a way for us to express ourselves without the group going into hysterics every time someone makes a positive furry post....which leads to my frustrations, I can't post my hobby in the group without getting rude af comments, angry reacts, people reporting my post to the admins thinking it's something kinky & therefore inappropriate..... le sigh

I hate such hypocrites. I’m christian myself and love furries. But its not like a kink to me but more like a hobby to create your own characters. I don’t care what people say about me and my interests. I just do what i do. I don’t understand why some people are so judgmental about it.

I post bee furries on my instagram(cause i love bees). My family doesn’t fully understand why i love bees and make arts of them. But they accept it. 

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  • 9 months later...

I know this post is from a long time ago but I'm just happy to see you said this. I saw another girl called weescottishlass on Youtube who also brought up what you said, the misconceptions about the Furry culture, people mistaking it as beastiality. And omg I remember that CSI episode! I saw that as a kid and it was scarring 😂. I was actually kind of scared to draw any furry type characters for a long time after seeing that. I couldn't even watch animated shows with furry characters because of that episode. 

I've gotten over the fear somewhat and have gotten back into it and my drawing skills have improved as a result. People are quick to condemn the community but meanwhile people are getting better at art and honing their skills by expressing themselves in this way. So there is a benefit to this culture. My favourite non-human characters to draw are bats, gargoyle, demon or mythical humanoid characters like goblins, fauns and merpeople, and dragons. Sadly I have been harshly judged on one occasion by my sister's ex who was a jerk. My family also is baffled by why I draw these characters but I do it anyway.

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