JamesTAG Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Hello there, For quite some time I thought I was gray-a because even though I relate to most of the asexual traits, I would still like to have sex with girls I develop a deeper connection with, along with trust and close friendships and stuff like that (I can only feel a connection with one person at a time btw). However, I was thinking recently about this with my current love interest (we are not in a relationship, we are just very close friends) and I realized that even though I would like to have sex with them, I don’t feel the need to. Like it is more of a rational thought (she looks good, I love her in some way, It would feel special etc) than a need/urge. Also, since she doesn’t want a sexual relationship with me, I don’t feel frustrated about this and she even talks to me sometimes about her sexual experiences and I don’t think “damn wish I could have sex with her too”. However, if she told me something like “we can have sex if you want”, I would want to, but if she told me “we can have a romantic relationship, but without ever having sex or sex related activities” I would be ok with it, without ever feeling a need to have sex with her or feeling frustrated that we don’t have sex. Moreover, I figure that being gray-a would mean that I would feel towards her (in a sexual context) as sexual guys feel towards random girls they find atractive, but I don’t really believe I feel that way. I would be glad if you could offer some advice or opinions on this, that would make me understand wether I am asexual or gray-a. Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
3Xi3X Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Hello. Have you considered demisexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 I agree with @3Xi3X You might be demisexual which would explain the part about wanting to have sex with girls you have a deep connection with. I don't think the fact that you'd be okay without sex necessarily makes you completely ace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JamesTAG Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 I considered demisexuality, but my confusion stems from the fact that the sexual attraction I would feel if I were a demisexual should make me want to act on it and it would be a matter of me deciding wether to try and act on it or not. However, there’s no feeling inside me that I am acting against. Like if I were sexually attracted to her, but she doesn’t want to have sex with me, I should feel like I am abstaining from my feelings. But I feel nothing to abstain from. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JamesTAG Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 To put it a little bit more into perspective, I feel romantically attracted to her and I feel like hugging her or cuddling with her and stuff like that, but I abstain from that, because she wouldn’t be ok with it. However, regarding the sexual aspect, I don’t feel like doing something Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Ahh, I see. In that case it sounds more like demiromantic? And maybe sex-indifferent asexual? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JamesTAG Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 I think it sounds about right, thank you! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
3Xi3X Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Glad that worked out James. 😎 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Maybe not quite what you’re experiencing but this thread might help you work yourself out. I was roughly in the same place as you when I was working out my orientation and this thread helped me immensely: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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