Demiromantic? Crushing on my best friend? Send help pls

[AmorphousBlob]

So apparently I'm demiromantic, whoops? I've been best friends with this one girl for 6 1/2 years now, and now I have a crush on her. I want to tell her how I feel. But not only am I afraid of ruining what we have, I also live in a different state and I dunno anything about making a long distance relationship work. Heck, I don't know anything about making any relationship work. Neither of us have ever dated anyone before (but I know she's panromantic). I guess I'm just looking for advice on telling someone you like them, or maybe some pros and cons of dating your best friend / being in a long distance relationship. Anything really. Send help pls

[Guest]

Woah woah you're gonna be ok, take a deep breathe. I was in an online relationship for nearly two years and believe me it's manageable. Cons are you don't see them unless you visit. Not a whole lot of pros. Just be honest with her and clearly say what comes to mind, even if it's a bunch of flustered nonsense.

[abandoned-account]

I'd say it's a little hard for me to "advise" here since I don't know too much about you or this other person or what your relationship with them is currently like. I've felt in a similar situation before, but now I am in an LDR and it's worked very well with us since it "officially(?)" began back in March. You may have heard this before but as in any close interpersonal relationship I'd say communication is important, as well as mutual respect and understanding for one another. Where you can comfortably be yourself around the other person and don't feel the need to hide things or put on an act for them. My SO and I like to come to each other when we're feeling down, insecure, afraid, etc. and it helps us a lot, and we also just like to spend time together playing games and chatting about stuff we like. LDRs can be hard when you wish you could be near the other person, but perhaps you can look for opportunities to meet up and spend time together, yeah? I'd say we were very lucky to get that at a comic con recently, and while there was some anxiety at first we ended up having a lot of fun! (I also feel fortunate that we aren't VERY far away, either.)

 

As far as "beginning" the relationship and admitting to the person, it's much more difficult what to say with my little knowledge about you guys. Just try to be sure if your ready to say you want to be with them, even in their worst moments. Understand possible problems that could arise, and know what you can handle. I think it's also very important to be aware of sexuality, From what I hear, "mixed" relationships can often get very difficult when one person desires sex and the other doesn't, and there is often some kind of compromise or it just doesn't work. My SO and I are ace + ace where no one wants sex so that works perfectly for us.

 

Please excuse my rambling. Hope I could help a little!

[Guest]

And believe me, no one really knows what their doing in a relationship. You just gotta wing it and learn from mistakes. Communication is important as well as compromise. 

[AmorphousBlob]

1 minute ago, KrystalLost said:

Woah woah you're gonna be ok, take a deep breathe. I was in an online relationship for nearly two years and believe me it's manageable. Cons are you don't see them unless you visit. Not a whole lot of pros. Just be honest with her and clearly say what comes to mind, even if it's a bunch of flustered nonsense.

I'm visiting her in a little over a week, and thinking about telling her then. Maybe it's a little naive, but I think that our friendship's only gonna be more strained if I try to hide it. I'm not good at hiding emotions.

[AmorphousBlob]

3 minutes ago, Vee. said:

I think it's also very important to be aware of sexuality, From what I hear, "mixed" relationships can often get very difficult when one person desires sex and the other doesn't, and there is often some kind of compromise or it just doesn't work. 

Not gonna say exact age 'cause I'm paranoid, but both of us are kinda too young for that anyways.

[abandoned-account]

2 hours ago, AmorphousBlob said:

Not gonna say exact age 'cause I'm paranoid, but both of us are kinda too young for that anyways.

Oh.

Yeah, I understand. At least it's something to be wary of for the future.

[wirewalker]

I don't really have anything on whether or not to tell her/start a relationship/etc, but I have quite a bit of experience with long distance relationships at this point. I won't go too deep because you're not actually in a relationship for now, but I'll give you my top thing. Communication is extra important. Obviously it's always important in a relationship, but when it's long-distance it's a lot harder for your partner to tell if something is bothering you (and vice versa). Talking about uncomfortable things or less-than-awesome things can be hard, especially if you don't get a lot of time to spend with each other, but having the conversation will help a lot.

[abandoned-account]

2 hours ago, yyy said:

If you say both of you are too young for an adult-kind of relationship and interactions, it is super important  that you  are aware of what your hormones can have you doing spontaneously without thought. 

A friendship is better than  sex.  In fact, sex can ruin it all including the rest of your lives. 

This, precisely!

[AmorphousBlob]

So I've been doing some more thinking/reflecting/researching and whatnot and now I believe that there might actually be something else going on here. I'm like, 99% sure that I'm touch-starved and this girl is the person I am closest to emotionally other than maybe my parents. I've been sensually attracted to her for a while and I think that not seeing her in so long along with being me being touch-starved since I moved to another state (that's a story for another time) made that attraction a lot stronger. I say that because I realized that a) I don't really want to date her, though I do want to be closer to her physically and emotionally, and b) my newer feelings for her revolve around things like cuddling, holding hands, and just close physical contact in general. I guess the kind of relationship I want is more in line with what a QPR is, I just mistook it for romantic because I haven't felt any sort of attraction at this intensity before. I really do appreciate all the advice I got though, the things you guys said helped me reflect further on what I was feeling. Plus, it's always nice to know that someone cares. Thanks for the support 😁