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What does it meant to say “my everything”


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IDK who I am tho

Why do people say their partner is their everything? What do they mean? 

 

I dont understand it because, every person should care about themselves. And any family and friends. And hopefully they’re passionate about their career and hobbies. So it doesn’t make sense when I hear people say their partner is their everything? 

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Alawyn-Aebt
7 minutes ago, reimagine stardust said:

And any family and friends.

Right here is the answer; partners for many people become effectively family, and if they are not they are effectively friends. Saying they are "my everything" is just a shorthand way of expressing it.

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every person should care about themselves. And any family and friends. And hopefully they’re passionate about their career and hobbies.

That would be ideal, but the world isn't always an ideal place.

 

Some people don't like themselves, some people have shit for family, some people can feel estranged even from their "friends" (just look at a number of accounts here from asexuals who face scorn, ridicule, and invalidation from people they thought to be their friends), and a lot of people are working dead end jobs they don't necessarily like because their choices are either that or living on the street, if living at all.

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RakshaTheCat
31 minutes ago, reimagine stardust said:

Why do people say their partner is their everything? What do they mean?

Isn't it classic sign of codependency? I treat it like huge red light, since I don't like codependent behavior.

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I say that my crush is my everything cause like, he literally is my everything. If I suddenly lost him somehow, I would have nothing to live for. He's the only thing that matters. He's more important than anything else. I just don't care about anything else. He's the only thing I'm interested in, the only thing that gives me true feelings of joy. Without him I just have nothing, everything is meaningless. I make all my decisions while thinking about him, I schedule my whole life around him. It's all about him. My whole life, all my thoughts and feelings, my actions, everything, are controlled by him. It's not good since I neglect every other aspect of my life cause I'm always focusing on my crush and thinking of him. If I'm doing something that isn't related to him, I'm at the same time thinking about the next time I will see him. All I do is devote all my time for him. 

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Anthracite_Impreza

I suppose I'm one of those odd romantics for whom my partner is not my everything. He is at the top, but he is equal to my other car and I would never sacrifice one for the other. Everyone and everything else is below them though in the hierarchy.

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RoseGoesToYale

I always thought that was just a term of endearment, a way of saying "this person is very special and important to me, without them my life wouldn't be the same". After all, they couldn't literally be their "everything". A partner couldn't be your toothbrush and your spleen and your coworkers and your next door neighbor Bob and your cat all at once. That would be awkward...

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Someone being my everything? That sounds like a lot of responsibility that I wouldn’t want to put anyone through.

 

But if I go off of @RoseGoesToYale‘s definition I’ve never felt that way even with platonic relationships.

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29 minutes ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

I always thought that was just a term of endearment, a way of saying "this person is very special and important to me, without them my life wouldn't be the same". After all, they couldn't literally be their "everything". A partner couldn't be your toothbrush and your spleen and your coworkers and your next door neighbor Bob and your cat all at once. That would be awkward...

Exactly. This is what I've always thought. To me it's a way of expressing how important someone is to you, and yes, a term of endearment. If I were to ever say it about someone, it would be synonymous with "I love you so very much". Kind of the same way I have multiple people who I call my best friends. "Best" implies only one, but for me it's shorthand for "very very close friend".

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I've never felt that I had one Strongest Bond in my life.  Even though I'm aromantic, I can relate to what I've heard from polyamorous people about not wanting to just pick one person as the most important.  I need to have a variety of friendships of varying intensities to feel fulfilled.

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Purple Wanderer

I get it. You become obsessed when you fall in love. Your the no1 fan of this person. Always on your mind etc 

 

Its primarily a way of telling other people how much you like your partner etc...    ive never said it, theres other stuff going on in my world. 

 

Me being bitter, all I hear is "I'm not interesting enough on my own"

 

 I sound so jaded. 

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Grey-Ace Ventura
On 7/17/2019 at 5:10 PM, reimagine stardust said:

Why do people say their partner is their everything? What do they mean? 

 

I dont understand it because, every person should care about themselves. And any family and friends. And hopefully they’re passionate about their career and hobbies. So it doesn’t make sense when I hear people say their partner is their everything? 

Well yeah, as @RoseGoesToYale said, someone's partner isn't literally everything. That's just impossible.

 

I take it to mean "I love you so much that losing you would feel like losing everything." Personally, I haven't felt this way about anyone romantically, but I do feel this way about my best friend. I would say he's my everything.

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Member131995

I hear this all time. It's not something I'd ever say because it will never be true. 

 

Of course there's the literal, you're partner can't be your everything because they can't take the place of a car or a job or shoes or clothes or whatever.

 

But then there's the metaphorical, where I take it to mean, when people say it, that their partner means a lot to them but of course the extend varies from person to person. Then again, as some other posters have pointed out depending on the extent when some people say it, could indicate codependency.

 

The latter being something that frustrates me immensely. I've never had a partner where I felt if I lost them somehow that I'd have nothing to live for. I know that no partner I have will ever be my everything. But again, I'm my own person, I'm very independent, I don't like being held down or feeling like I'm trapped, so any partner who feels like I'm their everything, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate that. I've tried to before but I've never been able to. So, I think I get it when I hear people say that, but I also think that what it means can vary vastly from person to person. If I was to say it, I would mean that they're very important to me but I wouldn't mean that without them my life would be meaningless. 

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When you live with someone or share your life with someone, when you are very close to them, its hard to differentiate which part is you and which is them. Their ideas are yours, your wishes are theirs etc. All this happens naturally without anyone asking you to do this. Thats why people say "My partner is everything".

 

For some, their partner gives them a purpose to live. Perhaps the partner motivates them, gives them new ideas or just is besides them and supports them. Without all this things, an individual cant live. Hence they may say "My partner is everything".

 

Everyone needs motivation, support, fun etc from someone else. Its very rare for human beings to live completely without another human contact. The difference is, you are getting all these things from different sources- teachers, friends, family etc. But someone saying "My partner is everything" is getting all this from one source- their partner. Its not codependency. Their partner is like Amazon or Walmart, they can find everything they need in one place. So why bother getting these same things from different stores?

 

Lastly, its very common to find people say their "family is everything", "kids are everything". Its because their family or kids give them the drive needed to live their life, improve their life, achieve their goals etc.

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On 7/18/2019 at 4:30 AM, RoseGoesToYale said:

I always thought that was just a term of endearment, a way of saying "this person is very special and important to me, without them my life wouldn't be the same". After all, they couldn't literally be their "everything". A partner couldn't be your toothbrush and your spleen and your coworkers and your next door neighbor Bob and your cat all at once. That would be awkward...

IMO, it translates to "Everything thats meaningful to me in my life now, is due to my partner".

 

On 7/18/2019 at 4:37 AM, N8LV3y said:

Someone being my everything? That sounds like a lot of responsibility that I wouldn’t want to put anyone through.

Lots of people carry loads of responsibility. Not because someone asked them, its because they want to. President of a country for instance. One wrong word can send a country to war and kill millions of people. Or business owners- if the business closes, then all the employees will be in trouble. You should look up stories of small business owners, they truly care for their employees well beings and treat them like families. I have heard of workers falling on their knees and pledging their life (although the job didnt require giving up life, it was blue collar job like janitorial work) because their employer gave them tremendous opportunity and improved their life so much. All these people say "X is their everything".

 

Someone is taking care of you in this society in ways you wont realize. Just because you dont have emotional connection with someone, doesnt mean they are not bearing your responsibility. The only difference is, you wont have immediate impact when these people stop being responsible for you. And they are not your everything (because like I explained in above post, you are getting your needs met from different people)

 

21 hours ago, Arhriy said:

But again, I'm my own person, I'm very independent, I don't like being held down or feeling like I'm trapped, so any partner who feels like I'm their everything, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate that.

How a person feels varies. You may do something simple and it may have tremendous impact on someone. For example, you may tell someone few positive words and you may never interact with them again. But that person will be like "Arhriy is everything to me, their positive words saved my life, their Instagram posts inspires me everyday, I wouldnt be here without them". My point is, making someone feel "X is everything" doesnt need constant interaction or any effort from you.

Another example is religion. Think of how devout religious people are, and how many have died for the sake of their religion. The person who created the religion isn't even alive, yet it means everything to them.

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13 hours ago, Chihiro said:

Lots of people carry loads of responsibility. Not because someone asked them, its because they want to. President of a country for instance. One wrong word can send a country to war and kill millions of people. Or business owners- if the business closes, then all the employees will be in trouble. You should look up stories of small business owners, they truly care for their employees well beings and treat them like families. I have heard of workers falling on their knees and pledging their life (although the job didnt require giving up life, it was blue collar job like janitorial work) because their employer gave them tremendous opportunity and improved their life so much. All these people say "X is their everything".

 

Someone is taking care of you in this society in ways you wont realize. Just because you dont have emotional connection with someone, doesnt mean they are not bearing your responsibility. The only difference is, you wont have immediate impact when these people stop being responsible for you. And they are not your everything (because like I explained in above post, you are getting your needs met from different people)

Um I am one of those small business owners that treats the workers really well, I actually just took them all out to the lake yesterday and took out my boat and jet skis so everyone could do something and in a few weeks I’m renting out a charter boat and taking them all out salmon fishing, but this is all a “business “ relationship. 

 

What this thread is talking about is “romantic” relationships and I personally think if you treat a relationship like it work it’s probably an unhealthy one.

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2 hours ago, N8LV3y said:

but this is all a “business “ relationship

Its all "business" is how you feel. You can't control how others feel. I remember reading about this person who ended up in jail for sometime due to non violent crime and after getting out he was unemployable for a long time. And when he finally found a job, he felt like his boss was everything. Without that job he couldnt imagine having the life that he had. Are you going to call this "business" relationship unhealthy just because of his feelings? You cant call a relationship unhealthy just because a person feels a certain way *internally* and when in no way affects anything in your life. If they ask/expect *you* to change due to their internal feelings, then thats a whole another story

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35 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

Its all "business" is how you feel. You can't control how others feel. I remember reading about this person who ended up in jail for sometime due to non violent crime and after getting out he was unemployable for a long time. And when he finally found a job, he felt like his boss was everything. Without that job he couldnt imagine having the life that he had. Are you going to call this "business" relationship unhealthy just because of his feelings? You cant call a relationship unhealthy just because a person feels a certain way *internally* and when in no way affects anything in your life. If they ask/expect *you* to change due to their internal feelings, then thats a whole another story

Yes business is business to me, if you want you’re business to succeed you don’t mix business with personal feelings or relationships. 

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7 hours ago, N8LV3y said:

Yes business is business to me, if you want you’re business to succeed you don’t mix business with personal feelings or relationships. 

Again you are not getting my point. You are thinking of only your own feelings. I am talking about employees feelings towards their employer. Big difference.

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