Help-imconfused Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I would consider myself aro/ace, but everytime I consider this I think back to two instances: 1) In class, a friend (female, like me) was laying across my lap (as you do). Another classmate asked if we were a couple. My friend immediately went “no, no I’m very affectionate” and etc. I just sat there smiling like an idiot because the possibility of me having a girlfriend made me so happy. 2) I read a Tumblr post about wanting to bake cookies and cuddle with a girl and all that. I legit cried. I was sobbing. It was three in the morning. The thing is, I’ve never had a crush on anyone, I don’t think. But I just feel that i love girls too much to be aromantic. I’ve seen girls and have instantly fallen in love, but never wanted to date anyone. I think I’ve experienced alterous attraction with some really close friends, where I would totally date them but didn’t care if we were just friends either. Help would be much, much appreciated. I just want to be able to actually tell someone what my sexuality is and have it accurately describe how I feel. I’m not comfortable with calling myself gay/aro/demi because I’m afraid of people not understanding. Like I said, if you can help I owe you a gray debt and will love you forever ok that’s all bye 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Hey there! First off, here's a traditional cake welcome to AVEN: Second, I really relate to your post because I felt the same way about a year ago, when I started questioning my sexuality. In my case, at the time I identified as aro/ace after I realized I wasn't attracted to guys, and I really just wanted non-sexual physical intimacy (cuddling, hugging, etc.) from friends. Later though, I felt like I didn't want to be aro, even though a person's (a)sexuality isn't their choice, because I felt like I'd be lonely while everyone I knew had someone to make them happy. That's when I questioned if I was really aro, and at this point, I hadn't considered that I could be attracted to girls, but I did recall having crushes on two girls in 9th grade and 10th. Basically, I realized that my concept of romance wasn't realistic. I expected that romance would be solely based more on sex than on companionship and being attracted to someone else's personality, which was why I identified as ace in the first place. Having redefined romance in a more realistic way, I identified then as gay because I knew I wanted romance with girls, and as grey. In your case, you could be thinking of romance similar to how I did in the past, or you could just want a close friend you can be affectionate with. I guess the best advice I have for you is to define romance for yourself and determine if that's what you want. Hope my story helped! Best of luck! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
3Xi3X Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 The first question I would ask myself in your case is: Would I prefer to date a girl or a guy? That might help narrow down on the homoromantic, heteroromantic or biromantic possibilities. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LilacJay Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Hi there! So, I think the issue at hand boils down to your romantic feelings. Romantic attraction deals with whether you desire a romantic relationship with another person. To me, it sounds like you might be romantically attracted to girls/women, so I think it makes sense to call yourself "homoromantic," which is much like homosexual, just without the need to have sex. It's also fairly easy to understand. As @3Xi3X points out, if you also feel attracted to boys, you can also call yourself "biromantic," even when the level of attraction varies. Hope that helps a bit. Welcome at AVEN and enjoy the cake. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Help-imconfused Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 Ahhh— thank you so much for sharing your experience/s and for the advice! I really understand not wanting to identify as aro for the same reason. I think the label grey/homoromantic is the best I’ve considered, and one I feel comfortable identifying with. You’re story DID help, thank you so much! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Yay! I'm really glad I could help and that you've found a label you're comfortable with. I also think it's cool that that's pretty much the same label I use. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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