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Period-havers: How to Hide it at Work?


Zosia

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Fighting_For_Us
On 7/17/2019 at 12:04 PM, Philip027 said:

The sooner you start regarding this as a perfectly normal bodily function (and expect others to do the same) rather than something to be shamed/hidden, the sooner you'll stop feeling as self-conscious about it.  I understand it's something easier said than done, though.

^^^ In agreement with this for sure. It's something I'm still working on for myself though. I'm lucky because, since I use tampons, those can easily be tucked in a sleeve (or even just palmed if it's a compact one), but they still make the dreaded crinkling when unwrapped. It's helped me a lot to have a friend who's super chill about discussing the topic, and it's helped me normalize it - since it had been kind of taboo in my house growing up; my dad still refuses to say the words 'pad' or 'tampon' even though he's had a wife and three girls for 20+ years.

For sneaking around pads, one thing I used to do was tuck one in my waistband - that way there was no noticeable pocket bulge and no need for a bag (I don't carry a bag/purse usually). Don't hide it away until right before you're heading to the bathroom though, otherwise it'll wiggle loose as you move and fall our your pant cuff. 

 

Stay strong friend! Someday we'll all figure out this whole 'period' thing

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Instead of buying regular "period" pads, go to the section of the store where they have pads for people who've gone through menopause and are experiencing inability to hold pee in.  The pads are thicker and will cut down on the number of times you have to change pads.  

 

BTW, IUDs don't stop  periods.

 

 

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everywhere and nowhere
18 minutes ago, Sally said:

nstead of buying regular "period" pads, go to the section of the store where they have pads for people who've gone through menopause and are experiencing inability to hold pee in.  The pads are thicker and will cut down on the number of times you have to change pads.  

Could you show some photo? Because I have never heard of such a thing and probably never seen it.

However, ordinary pads come in different thicknesses. Thin pads (something about 2-3 mm thick?) have been advertised as more comfortable, myself I definitely prefer thicker pads. Partially exactly because thay absorb better. I don't worry about them being visible - I don't wear tight pants, I prefer top clothing (shirts, tunics, T-shirts, robes etc.) which reach at least to the bottom of the butt (and I have nothing against knee-long tunics or even dresses worn with pants :)), so there's no possibility of my pad being visible through my clothes.

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Grumpy Alien
1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Could you show some photo? Because I have never heard of such a thing and probably never seen it.

However, ordinary pads come in different thicknesses. Thin pads (something about 2-3 mm thick?) have been advertised as more comfortable, myself I definitely prefer thicker pads. Partially exactly because thay absorb better. I don't worry about them being visible - I don't wear tight pants, I prefer top clothing (shirts, tunics, T-shirts, robes etc.) which reach at least to the bottom of the butt (and I have nothing against knee-long tunics or even dresses worn with pants :)), so there's no possibility of my pad being visible through my clothes.

They’re a type of “adult diapers.” (But they’re really just puffier pads with extra ability to hold liquid.) They’re for incontinence but should work for heavy periods just fine.

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1 hour ago, disGraceful said:

They’re a type of “adult diapers.” (But they’re really just puffier pads with extra ability to hold liquid.) They’re for incontinence but should work for heavy periods just fine.

They're not really diapers; they're just thick pads that stick to your underpantes, like regular pads.  In the US, they're probably found in grocery store rows that say "incontinence products" or something like that.  

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Grumpy Alien
5 minutes ago, Sally said:

They're not really diapers; they're just thick pads that stick to your underpantes, like regular pads.  In the US, they're probably found in grocery store rows that say "incontinence products" or something like that.  

Hence the air quotes 😜

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Pockets, purse, sometimes just a hand :)

 

In my current workplace we have a set of period & hygiene stuff in each restroom. Even dry shampoo.

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You could try doubling up. Go to work wearing both a tampon and a pad. Take the tampon out at lunch and you've got the pad to last you until home time. (Obvs it doesn't work if your flow is really heavy).

 

I know we should all be more relaxed about periods, and it's something I'm trying to be less self-conscious about. If anyone has any advice other than "Just get over it", I'm eager to hear it!

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thequietplace
On 7/17/2019 at 6:31 PM, Zosia said:

So, I guess I’m just looking for tips or something, or maybe how you got over feeling self-conscious about people knowing you’re on your period at work?

 

TMI I suppose: For all of my period-having years, I’ve done the whole hiding-a-pad-in-my-shoes thing so when I’d have to change it at school or work, I wouldn’t have to carry anything to the bathroom and nobody would notice. I was never comfortable with tampons (and I’m a little paranoid about menstrual cups now...I’m worried about them getting stuck, but I’d maybe be tempted enough to try them?). I switched over to period undies in December, and I don’t particularly want to switch back to pads because these are more comfy and eco friendlier. Back in winter, I could easily hide the period undies in a coat pocket when I went to the bathroom at work. But, now that it’s summer, it seems impossible to hide those under my clothes to change in the bathroom. So, the only solution seems to be carrying a bag into the bathroom, which I’ve never done before (pretty self-conscious about it since I was totally discreet with pads before and now this seems like an advertisement that I’m on my period to carry a bag). The thing about my job is that I have to call someone to cover my shift so that I can leave my position to go to the bathroom, and oftentimes who covers are men who are twice as old as I am...and I don’t exactly want to advertise to them that I’m on my period, you know?

 

So, if anybody has any creative ideas about how to hide period undies that don’t involve carrying a bag, or about your experiences with menstrual cups, or about how to get over being self-conscious about periods (especially around men), that would be great!

I hide mine in my bra, I use the med sized pads though. Waistband works too. I wonder if you feel you know if anyone else is on their period and if it bothers you? I shouldnt think it is an issue i.e. people dont care/notice but I can understand about feeling self conscious if you are irregular.

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I always felt a bit weird taking a pouch with me to the bathroom when I was younger, but as you get older you get over it and do what you need to do. I have a heavy flow so I use the double-up technique. I wear a pad, keep one or two in my makeup pouch as a spare, and alternate tampons throughout the day. Tampons are a heaven-sent, honestly. They're tiny, discrete, they don't bulk up your pockets or make-up bag like pads do. Although I've heard in the US you have applicators???? For me, tampons keep me feeling clean and dry, like I'm not swimming in blood. Until they fill up, that is haha. However, I don't think they're necessary for someone with a light flow. It might be easier for someone to forget they're wearing a tampon in this case. And you don't want to wear them for longer than 8hrs at a time. I also have a menstrual cup, but I haven't mastered the art of removing, and re-inserting anywhere other than the safety of my own home haha.

 

Also, I've never tried period undies. Are these a new thing? They probably won't work for me, but colour me intrigued.

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Luftschlosseule

I don't know if that's an option for you, but I take pills that make me have a long cycle, meaning that I have my period twice yearly instead of every month. I do this for health reasons to prevent migraine, but a friend of mine did this purely for convenience. Of course, not everybody does fine on the pill, and I don't know where you live and if you have health insurance, I just wanted to throw this out there.

 

Another idea would be to say you go to touch up your make-up now and then so people assume you're doing that if they see you go to the bathroom with a purse. Or you could look out for a tin box that's big enough to fit just one pad/ tampon/ whatever and take that to the bathroom instead of your whole purse. Again, I don't know if that will work for you because it depends on the products you use.

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Celyn: The Lutening
On 7/24/2019 at 11:33 PM, Sally said:

BTW, IUDs don't stop  periods

Hormone based ones like the Mirena do.

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Custard Cream
5 hours ago, Celyn said:

Hormone based ones like the Mirena do.

OMG Mirena was a total nightmare for me...  

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Celyn: The Lutening
2 hours ago, CustardCream said:

OMG Mirena was a total nightmare for me...  

Dang that's a shame. My aunt had a great experience with hers but everybody's different. 

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Custard Cream
11 minutes ago, Zosia said:

How so, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m considering getting an IUD.

Spoilered for TMI:

 

Spoiler

I basically suffered permanent light bleeding plus some discharge, and I felt uncomfortable inside. They kept checking it was positioned correctly, and kept telling me it was all fine and it would 'settle down', but after 6 months the problem wasn't going away, so I had it removed again and was instantly better.

 

But don't let my experience put you off. I think I was unlucky.

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I don't think anybody is paying that much attention to anybody else to be thinking about why you're bringing a purse to the bathroom. Even if it did occur to them, periods are something every biological female has to deal with (unless they're on birth control) and not something any of them are going to be weirded out by.

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anisotrophic

So far with my mirena is still on and off like @CustardCream's experience, but no discomfort (I'm a couple months in) ... I'm hoping starting T will finish the job, lol (gimme all the hormones, yay! sorry that's unhelpful for almost everybody). But yeah: it's not like continuous pill, which always worked fine for me.

 

Continuous nuvaring worked great for me in the past, it's like the pill but I didn't have to remember so much. Hm. Maybe that difference isn't so important if you're not having any danger of pregnancy.

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I can't see why periods still need to be something to be self conscious about. Having said that, 95% of my colleagues are women so it's never a problem for one of them to take a handbag to the loo.

 

If it is a problem for you, make it a habit to always take a handbag to the loo, so others are oblivious as they know that's what you do. I don't think others would notice anyway, or care.

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Deep pockets for me! (And stashes for backups, so I don't have to fill my pockets like chipmunk cheeks.)

 

I also find that the older I get, the better I manage the embarrassment. For me, it was buying the feminine products that bothered me the most, so practicing that part helped me with the lesser discomfort of work bathrooms. Now I've even stopped caring about the crinkling noises I make in the stall when changing things out. Success!

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Wearing a maternity pad so I don't have to change it until the end of the day 😕 

 

8 hours ago, Acing It said:

I can't see why periods still need to be something to be self conscious about.

Some of us have pretty bad dysphoria surrounding that time of the month sadly. I'm not even trans, but it's a very upsetting and stressful thing for me, and the idea of other people knowing about it disgusts me. It feels like a weakness or flaw in my body; a way that it betrayed me and continues to betray me. I hate the P word to the extent I'm unable to say/type it, let alone having people know I actually have that thing 😧 I'm not sure if that's why other people are self-conscious about it, but I  can imagine some transfolks feeling similar to me!!

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Obviously, as a bio-"male" I don't have any direct involvement in this, but surely it's normal to take your handbag or whatever with you? From the opposite perspective I wouldn't leave my phone and wallet lying around when nature calls, so why would anyone else? 

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Custard Cream
4 hours ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

Obviously, as a bio-"male" I don't have any direct involvement in this, but surely it's normal to take your handbag or whatever with you? From the opposite perspective I wouldn't leave my phone and wallet lying around when nature calls, so why would anyone else? 

In a public place I would usually take my bag to the bathroom, even if among good friends. I don't do that at work though.

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14 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Wearing a maternity pad so I don't have to change it until the end of the day 😕 

 

Some of us have pretty bad dysphoria surrounding that time of the month sadly. I'm not even trans, but it's a very upsetting and stressful thing for me, and the idea of other people knowing about it disgusts me. It feels like a weakness or flaw in my body; a way that it betrayed me and continues to betray me. I hate the P word to the extent I'm unable to say/type it, let alone having people know I actually have that thing 😧 I'm not sure if that's why other people are self-conscious about it, but I  can imagine some transfolks feeling similar to me!!

Youre right. I hadn't thought about that from that angle.

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Why be ashamed of people suspecting you are on your period? Why care if you take a bag to the bathroom? They don't know what you need from that bag- for all they know you could have makeup to touch up (if you wear it) or you need a deodorant top up or something. What you carry inside your bag and your reasons for bringing it with you to the bathroom is no one's business but your own.

 

Think of it this way- do you hide the fact that you go to the bathroom? Are you ashamed when people know you're going to the bathroom or see you walking into one?

 

Then why be afraid of people assuming you're taking care of something that happens to anyone with a functioning female reproductive system?

 

Men (biological ones I mean) should become used to the fact that some people bleed uncontrollably every month and have to keep up appropriate hygiene. There's no reason to hide it (nor is there a reason to announce it)- it's your own darned business and you live your life.

 

Gotta do what you gotta do.

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1 hour ago, Anony-moose said:

Why be ashamed of people suspecting you are on your period?

Some of us have pretty bad dysphoria surrounding that time of the month sadly. I'm not even trans, but it's a very upsetting and stressful thing for me, and the idea of other people knowing about it disgusts me. It feels like a weakness or flaw in my body; a way that it betrayed me and continues to betray me. I hate the P word to the extent I'm unable to say/type it, let alone having people know I actually have that thing 😧 I'm not sure if that's why other people are self-conscious about it, but I  can imagine some transfolks feeling similar to me!! (I copy/pasted my explanation to  Acing It above about why some people feel so bad about that time of the month)

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I think time is the best way to get used to it; I think you just stop caring after putting in the effort to hide it. Honestly most guys are still flustered enough over the subject that they won't say anything and would be more embarrassed than you might be if it ever came up (and therefore they'll usually stay quiet even if they do know).

 

Hmm, that's harder to hide than pads or tampons... I didn't see if you have a regular schedule or not; if you do I'd just wear them in advance. If not can you stick them in a jacket pocket? Grabbing a jacket before you run to the bathroom shouldn't look strange if you have one of those jobs where you're never near your bag.

 

As other have said, people rarely question why women bring bags or purses into the bathroom but I know certain jobs make it awkward to go grab your bag.

 

Some TMI for the menstrual cups:

Spoiler

 

I like the menstrual cups so far; it leaks less often and is less messy when it does than tampons, seems to be safer, and lasts at least as long as tampons did if not longer in many cases. I feel the most normal and clean when managing periods by using the cups out of all the options I've tried so far.
It can be messy to change sometimes but that can also be part of the timing or general learning curve to them. It's strange to get used to the insertion/removal at first because it's more involved than any other option. I think it's easier to start with tampons first because I'd think there's the same discomfort at first but I've heard others didn't have a problem going from pad type solutions to the cup.

 

 

 

On 7/18/2019 at 11:24 AM, pma01 said:

So this may sound like a dumb question, but if you are using a cup and have long fingernails how do you not scratch yourself putting it in or taking it out?

Sometimes you do if they're too long. Otherwise, it can just make it more difficult than it needs to be. Trimming your fingernails a little shorter (especially on the couple main fingers) helps though; you can still have a nice nail without it causing a problem just not very long ones.

 

 

On 8/11/2019 at 3:30 AM, teags said:

Tampons are a heaven-sent, honestly. They're tiny, discrete, they don't bulk up your pockets or make-up bag like pads do. Although I've heard in the US you have applicators???? For me, tampons keep me feeling clean and dry, like I'm not swimming in blood.

You don't have applicators? :o I don't know if I would have used tampons regularly without applicators, I was very squicked out by it all originally and would probably never have got it positioned correctly. The plastic ones are heaven-sent; there are still some cardboard ones on the market that are terrible.

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I wear an apron at work so during that time of the month, I just put a tampon on one of the apron pockets. 

 

Also, I agree with the other posters who recommend addressing the self-consciousness & anxiety about people knowing you're on your period. That train of thinking only makes your life harder & more stressful.  

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19 hours ago, RedSheep2 said:

Also, I agree with the other posters who recommend addressing the self-consciousness & anxiety about people knowing you're on your period. That train of thinking only makes your life harder & more stressful.  

Yeah it just sucks when it's related to dysphoria so you're trapped with it.

 

(in response to the topic in general) Part of the fear isn't just taking stuff into a stall (not everyone can use tampons due to either dysphoria or pain, but pads can still be hidden!), it's the terror of people hearing the plastic wrapping crunching etc and knowing exactly what that means Y_Y

 

I hid that time of the month from my mum for years, and would sneak out at night to go down to the river to discard bloodied underwear if I'd had an accident. I would sneak rolls of loo paper from school and go into the woods to try to deal with the mess. Even being able to use proper products at all is a huge step up, but changing them in a public restroom still isn't something I think I could ever be comfortable with!

 

When these things are related to dysphoria surrounding ones gender or body, it's not a simple fix sadly.

 

But yeah, to re-iterate my initial answer: the best way to hide it if you're hardcore dysphoric is to wear a maternity pad that doesn't need to be changed until you get home. I have heard cups are good and can last up to 12 hours without needing to be changed, but some people (myself included) are unable to insert anything up there so yeah, maternity pad to the rescue in those situations! 

 

also @RedSheep2 I like your avatar :)

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I keep a spare pad in my bag. If needed I will discretely put it into my pocket then go to the bathroom. One place I used to work kept spare pads and tampons in bathrooms for employees. Where I work now some of the girls have their own pad and tampon bags (like in a little make-up type bag) that stays on a shelf in the bathroom.

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