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What Sexuality am I?


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Hello! I've been questioning my sexuality for awhile and I still can't seem to find it on my own. It's about time I asked for a lending hand.

 

Sorry if this gets long, because I have a bit to say, but it's been bugging me for awhile so here's me barfing my mind out XD

 

When I was young (elementary school) I've always been hanging out with boys. I like them more than females, but I never thought of actually falling in love with them. They were just far better friends and I didn't seem to fit into how girls acted in my small school community. (Also so you know, I am born a female)

 

But as I grew older, I wanted to be next to boys more and be good friend with them, talk, have lots of fun. It's soon I started to shy off from them after realizing that it looked like I was falling in love with them, which I hoped was not what I was feeling.

 

Then I got a crush going into middle school (I don't know if it's because of his looks or how he acts, but I think it's due to his looks) I get really nervous around him  and feel all what sexually attracted people do (I think?), except that I hated the feeling, and never wanted to actually be next to them. I wish the feeling would go away and that I didn't have to feel it, so that I could be normal like in the old days. It feels like pain to me and I dislike it so much (not because the person is bad at all, but because I hate the feeling only). I just want to treat them like any other classmate, even as distant friends is fine, but this feeling just blocked out everything. I felt that I was overreacting about all of this too, and I still do think so.

 

I don't know why. Everyone else and even my friends get crushes and do get nervous and all the hots, but the thing is they want to be with them and do all the dating, but I don't. 

 

I had imagined my life fine alone too; I didn't need a partner to be satisfied. Nor do I need to have sex, I think. But I am only going into high school for the first time and I am still quite young/new to all of this. But it's been bugging me heavily and I felt the need to ask what I was feeling and if all this is normal. My closest guess for my sexuality was straight but too scared for some reason, or akoisexual, but it feels these labels both fit and don't fit at the same time.

 

Thanks for reading and taking your time to see this! I wish luck and love for all of you out there. 

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A lot of people hate crushes because of how they feel. I'm an example, though I've really only had one 1-2 official crushes in my life. I hated the feeling and found it pesky. At your age I had the same opinion a out sex, I don't need nor desire it from (real) people. Though I'm maybe demi. Just avoid the dude, crushes are unrealistic and give you stupid highs and lows. 

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9 hours ago, KrystalLost said:

A lot of people hate crushes because of how they feel. I'm an example, though I've really only had one 1-2 official crushes in my life. I hated the feeling and found it pesky. At your age I had the same opinion a out sex, I don't need nor desire it from (real) people. Though I'm maybe demi. Just avoid the dude, crushes are unrealistic and give you stupid highs and lows. 

True, thank you. I thought I was alone on it but this really helps! And yeah, crushes are quite unrealistic and to me unessesary.

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NickyTannock

A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

I've never experienced a Crush, or the Aromantic version of a Crush called a Squish, so I can't say what you experienced.

But you might find this page helpful: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Romantic_attraction

And this often posted image if you haven't seen it already:

zlo2z.jpg

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Treehouse Cake,

iov7xvpehgje1i1damsk.jpg

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