16 and never felt attracted to anyone. Am I asexual?

[Confused16]

I'm 16 and a girl. I've never felt sexual attraction towards either gender and it makes me confused. I don't think I'm asexual because I want to do those things, and I want to feel it towards someone, but it just hasn't happened and I dont know why. 

 

I've looked up "what does sexual attraction feel like?" and the responses are foreign to me, I've never felt such a thing as "the hots" or "electricity" but it feels like I'm missing out on the best feeling in the world. People are attracted to random strangers on the street...how is that possible?? 

 

I identify as a lesbian and I've had 3 romantic crushes on girls in 6th grade, they felt so "right" and intense, but they never became sexual. I never had a single crush since then. I'm kind of scared it's never going to happen again, it's been so long and I cant remember what it feels like. I miss that feeling. 

 

I hit puberty when I was 10 so I cant be a late bloomer. I dont understand why I don't like anybody. I just don't "click" with anyone I meet. 

 

I'm scared that I'm turning straight or was straight all along, and my "liking girls" thing was just a phase. After all, what if the reason I'm not attracted to others is because I'm looking in the wrong place? But I don't want to be straight. I loved being romantically attracted to girls and I'm grossed out by the physical bodies of men. But the more I try to think about "hot / cute" women, I don't feel a thing no matter what, and I'm scared I'm going to end up with a guy because I feel like I'm not capable of liking girls anymore, which makes me sad because I really want to. (I also have diagnosed OCD, and one of my obsessions is sexual orientation OCD, so that screws me up even more.) 

 

I've asked ace people about this before. Some have told me I'm ace because even though I have a drive, I don't experience attraction. Lots more have told me I'm not asexual because the fact I want to have sex at all cancels the possibility out even if I haven't had attraction. All I know is that I don't want to be ace, but I've been waiting 6 years to have that "spark" and its not showing up.

 

What's up with me? 

[Alawyn-Aebt]

I am not experienced enough to give you concrete ideas, but I do have some things that might help.

36 minutes ago, Confused16 said:

I don't think I'm asexual because I want to do those things

What do you want to do? If so or even to what extent are only things you can define

37 minutes ago, Confused16 said:

People are attracted to random strangers on the street...how is that possible?? 

This seems to be a common misconception. Yes, there are people who feel sexually attracted to random people, however many sexual people do not.

38 minutes ago, Confused16 said:

I'm scared that I'm turning straight or was straight all along

Don't worry, you are yourself and no one else. Even if you turn out to be asexual or straight or something else do not let it constrain you. Labels only are an easy way to describe yourself, they are not you.

40 minutes ago, Confused16 said:

All I know is that I don't want to be ace, but I've been waiting 6 years to have that "spark" and its not showing up.

Statistically speaking nearly everyone experiences sexual attraction by the age of 18 (98%, if 1% is asexual then 1% would be late bloomers). At the age of 16 it is already well over 50% (I forget the exact percentage off the top of my head). Depending on what exactly you desire to do with people (your first quote I used) would help determine if you are asexual or not, but if you are asexual do not panic, asexuality is not this horrible case of loneliness.

 

Anyways, Wecome to AVEN🍰!

Since you are a teenager you might want to check out the Teen Corner.

 

[gisiebob]

get yourself a Chinese finger trap. if you torture yourself over this stuff then you will have successfully tortured yourself.

this all really isn't a big deal. I know being  told something isn't a big deal doesn't help much, but I'm required to. by  law. =^,^=

 

just try to keep in mind that you are looking for words that fit you, not words that you can fit yourself into.

[Guest]

15 hours ago, CBC said:

Some sexual people definitely aren't attracted to random strangers on the street. And for some, it can take falling for someone who has reciprocal feelings in order to experience what's identifiable to them as sexual desire/attraction. There are lots of different ways of experiencing one's sexuality; if you want to have sex with other people, you're sexual.

 

At 16, I'd suggest just keeping an open mind. There's no rush to label yourself.

Yeah.. 

 

I don't feel hots or electricity or anything of the sort. I could never look at a person I don't know well and feel... anything. 

 

So, don't fall into thinking that hollywood stereotype is the only form of being sexual. It is but one form. 

 

I didn't experience anything sexual until I was 30 and in love with my wife, personally. 

 

You could be ace and only feel romantic feelings. You could be sexual and just need  a real connection before you feel it. You will have to decide for yourself. But, don't cling to labels. Let yourself feel what you feel and use the labels to describe that, rather than define you. 

[Karst]

It sounds to me like you're ace, or possibly demisexual. That doesn't mean that you're necessarily disinterested in romance.  Sex and love can be separate things for some of us.

I know this is easier said than done, but don't panic about not knowing every aspect of your identity.  I was older than you are now when I realized I was asexual and aromantic.