Romantic vs Aesthetic/Sensual Attraction

[Daragh]

I've been getting confused lately as I don't know the attractions I'm experiencing. Late last year, I started developing an intense aesthetic attraction on a girl a year below me, but there wasn't really a desire to do anything and I had no sensual attraction. Around her, I experienced butterflies in my stomach and a warm fuzzy feeling, and when she looked at me and interpreted her liking me, I liked that feeling. However, over the past couple of months, I started developing sensual attraction and it was like an urge to cuddle and maybe kiss alongside holding hands, but there was no desire for me to actually seek a relationship with her out interlinked with them, nor could I imagine spending time with her. We have also never spoken before and I never knew even her name until I started searching for her social media. On her social media, I only imagine myself holding hands, cuddling and kissing (pecking) when she looks cute. It might be worth adding that although I have no romantic desires except having an urge to cuddle and hold hands, I dislike the idea of her being in a relationship with someone else.

 

I've been wondering whether this was a squish or a crush, maybe neither, because I have had the symptoms of both but there's no desire to actually seek out a platonic/romantic relationship with her at all. I also have no desires for marriage, but I believe they would develop if I were friends with her and still found her aesthetically attractive. I also think to myself that it could turn into a romantic relationship even if it is a squish or purely aesthetic and sensual attraction. So I have a few questions:

 

- Is this a squish, a crush or neither?

- Can you experience romantic attraction to someone you've never spoken to and don't know a lot about?

- Does Aesthetic and Sensual attraction (including kissing and holding hands) always mean it's romantic attraction, even if it's purely based on looks? 

 

Might be worth noting that I am asexual and these urges have nothing to do with me having any sexual desires.

[MoraDollie]

Honestly you are the only one who can figure out what title fits the person in mind best.

 

To answer your questions:

Yes you absolutely can experience romantic attraction to strangers or people you barely know.

 

Aesthetic attraction just means "Oh, you're pretty to me." Like, for lack of better comparison, I can love the looks of a painting or say a piece of machinery or animal, but that doesn't I want to do anything to them or with them. It's just "Oh, you look good. My brain says I like the general shape/color/whatever."

 

Sensual attraction is wanting to get a little physical with someone (hold hands, caressing, playful kisses, playful nips, etc.) but that doesn't exactly mean you want a relationship of any kind with them. Romantic attraction generally (in my eyes at least) means you want to pursue a romantic relationship with them and ride the waves of everything that comes with a romantic relationship with them (be with them through hard times, go on fun dates together, be there for them when a great thing happens to them, support them after a hard day at work or school, etc.). 

[Daragh]

I'm confused now because it seems like everyone has different perceptions of what romantic attraction is. Some people say it's an emotional bond that develops when you get to know someone and it's also their personality. I also thought romantic attraction was a feeling that makes you desire a romantic relationship not just wanting to do something because I can do most of the things you stated that were romance in a friendship and I can desire them in just a friendship. 

 

Also, you stated that romantic attraction can be experienced to strangers. How does this work? Does the aesthetic/sensual attraction result in a romantic desire for some people? 

[maybeimamazed]

I relate a lot to what you just described. I've had a handful of "crushes" that worked in a similar way. I enjoyed looking at them, got butterflies in my stomach and all that. In fact, those crushes were the only reason why I struggled a lot to identify as ace, even though I had already claimed the aromantic label.

 

To me, those weren't romantic feelings because I had never spoken to or gotten to know those people. But I'm still unsure. I tend to describe these experiences as simply aesthetic attraction that were slightly more intense due to hormones (I was a teenager back then. The last crush I had was about 10 years ago).