Feeling Alone

[robertjay]

Hi everyone. I've visited AVEN for a couple of years now but never had an account. I'm having a rough time and feeling alone due to all of my friends, including my best friend, being in relationships. I've hit a low today and am just not feeling the best so I decided to make an account, sign up, and introduce myself.

 

I am a 25-year-old male and I have confidently known I am asexual for about 4 years now. Growing up, when all of my friends had crushes, I used to just pretend to fit in. As I grew up, I realized I never felt any sexual or romantic attraction, and found myself feeling fulfilled from my platonic relationships. I noticed that I would click with one person, more than others, at all points of my life. This person would be my best friend. I was never romantically or sexually interested in them, but just having them in my life, as close as we were, fulfilled my needs. It also did not matter if they were male or female. I just always had someone who was my person I guess, but not in a romantic or sexual way. Of course, as you can imagine, this doesn't stay the same and I lost many of my "best friends" to their significant others. 

 

I didn't understand any of this until the past few years, but after doing some research and soul searching I realized I was asexual. I finally felt like I understood who I was and found a community of people that understood how I felt. I was too shy to create an account, but just knowing that there were others out there, who were just like me, made me feel secure, and confident in who I was. 

 

I guess I'm here because, for the last 7 years, my "person" has been the same person. He became a brother to me and my family and I really took him in as one of our own. We even live together now. He actually knows that I am asexual and that I hold our platonic bond in such high regard. Last year, we even got matching tattoos to solidify that bond. For a while, it felt like I finally found the perfect set up; I had a best friend, who accepted my asexuality and knew that our friendship was special but completely platonic. We even crossed the bridge of him dating and talking to girls. I knew that he needed to be fulfilled in ways that I did not and totally understood it. 

 

When he stopped talking to the last girl he was talking to, we had a long chat, about where we saw our lives going. Surprisingly, we were on the same page. We both felt like we were family, and that our bond and friendship was something that would last through everything. We talked about how wherever life takes us, even when we both have our own families, (I do see myself having a family someday. I don't know what that means or how I get there, but I will cross that bridge when I get there), that we would be a part of each other's families.

 

Anyway, I noticed for the past few weeks or so, he's been acting differently. He was distant, always on his phone, and not being present. He was being rude to me, and it got to a point where I felt like I no longer knew this person who I considered a brother. He finally came out and told me that he had been seeing this girl for the past few weeks but didn't want to tell me because he didn't know how I'd react. This broke me because I thought that he was someone who I could trust with my asexuality. I thought he knew that I would understand and that just because I don't have those feelings, doesn't mean he couldn't come to me about it. Instead, he hid it from me, lied when I asked what was wrong, and cut me out for weeks. 

 

Now, I look like the bad guy because I am hurt and not sure how to respond; not because he is seeing someone, but because he felt the need to hide and lie to me for weeks, all while being rude, and distant. I don't know if anyone has ever gone through something like this, but I just feel like I'm lost. I don't know how to respond. I feel somewhat betrayed, and it causes me to overthink. 

 

This is quite a long post for my first one so I'm sorry about that, and I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong place. It just felt like the best way to introduce myself and explain what brought me to here today. Do I talk to him about this? Do I just suck it up and try to move on before he gets the chance to leave me behind?  Any advice is greatly appreciated, but thank you regardless if you took the time to read this. 

[Lichley]

Welcome! Definitely talk to him about this. He might feel like your upset about him dating rather than that he didn't tell you. Sit down and talk about how you feel - I know it's hard but communication is the key to every relationship regardless of its nature. He's still your brother he was just worried about making you upset and went about it the wrong way, the relationship isn't in tatters and there's still plenty of time to fix things. Don't give up now  

[Ess-Kat]

Hello there. Welcome to AVEN first off as a member. I would suggest to talk to him, he is your friend ( for awhile as i have read). I can't speak for him but maybe he thought he was protecting you or waiting for the right moment to say something. If he understood your asexuality and accepted you then I am sure a good talk will do good. When you do talk be in an area you feel safe and be calm and just talk. I hope everything works out. 

🎂☺

[NickyTannock]

@robertjay A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

I also joined the community due to feelings of loneliness, as I didn't know any other Asexuals in real life.
I'm sorry that your friend lied to you.
I know it's no consolation, but it sounds like they do care about your feelings or they wouldn't have been afraid to tell you.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Best Friend's Cake,