Meeting other Aces can sometimes be Awkward

[Lordyloo]

SO,

I tend to do risky stuff every now and then and finding other aces is one of them.

 

I don't think I talked about it on here but I usually walk around somewhere with a sign saying:

"Im Asexual" or "Looking for Asexuals" or "Support Asexuality"

 

Because the internet has only been helpful as far as information gathering.

Anyways, of course one in every 100 people seems to come up to me revealing their ace nature and while some are happy about it and we both are freaking out sometimes one of the others doesn't.

And that's the awkward part. Ill be all excited and they'll be like "Oh yeah? Kay." 

End. Period. Finito.

Then I'm confused and a little hurt.

 

THUS, MY QUESTION IS:

How do you feel when you meet other aces?

And if that hasn't happened to you yet, how do you imagine meeting another ace would be like?

 

[- Saph -]

I have never met any aces/aros that are out of the closet irl. We will see what happens if I do get this opportunity 🙂 .

 

I don't expect to see glitters, rainbows and unicorns on our first meeting just because of their orientation. Not a very social person, I would honestly feel more confortable meeting people who share the same hobbies or taste in art than me. Sharing an absence of sexuality is not a very deep bond for starters.

I guess that this experience will depend on the people themselves. Hopefully I can meet that way great people that value honnesty and respect.

[RakshaTheCat]

56 minutes ago, Lordyloo said:

And that's the awkward part. Ill be all excited and they'll be like "Oh yeah? Kay." 

End. Period. Finito.

What would you like to happen instead?

 

 

56 minutes ago, Lordyloo said:

How do you feel when you meet other aces?

I'm disappointed that they are just as terrible as allos 😺

 

 

22 minutes ago, Saphoune said:

Hopefully I can meet that way great people that value honnesty and respect.

Hmm, do people like that even exist? How do you find them? 😺

[monokuro]

i've met plenty of aces irl, just as nice, awkward, annoying, etc as anyone else. shitty people exist, regardless of what they identify as. maybe your expectations are high?

[Chris Zulas]

ive never ever met another aspec person irl and ive tried to use this site to meet locals but the one time it seemed like it had to happen they liked my comment and ended it there with silence, rip. doesnt help nearest city is not in walking distance, i have no transportation, and my town is a uniquely awful hick redneck thug hate city. and by city i mean theres 11000 people, so by the 1/100 people are ace rule there should be over a hundred fellow aces, right? theres 5 a friend told me she knows but theyre all closeted. soooo she wont and shouldnt tell me who they are. plus, being the same sexuality doesnt mean well be compatible or theyll be not shit. most people are good, but idk how true that is of niles michigans population, and theres just a lotta sadness there.

id imagine, also, that since im bad at meeting new people and ive never done it without school, social media, or other friends bringing them to me, even meeting someone would be tough, and becoming friends has never happened to me non naturally - im around you a lot, u dont upset me, were cool, now were friends

people are generally good, thats just a fact, but thats not true in all parts of the world unfortunately

[ben8884]

I've met a few aces now in a few cities and I have had a good time. Honestly, we don't tend to talk about asexuality. In some ways, this is nice because its nice to be with a group of people where its not a factor. Like, everyone knows I am ace and its fine. Sometimes we do talk a little about it and that is also good too. We mostly discuss Dr Who at least, at the meet ups I have been too! 

[rawersace]

i’ve never met another ace before but i always hoped it’d be an interesting experience, kinda like coming home to another person.

 

to me, asexuality is such a big part of life, just as sexuality is a big part of life for a good majority of the world. so i always hoped i’d share similar experiences with people who are asexual and then bond over that. i just don’t know how i’d get into conversation with someone and somehow find out they’re asexual. maybe i’ve already met an asexual, who knows. but when i do know i’m speaking to an ace, i hope it’ll be a great bonding experience.

[Skycaptain]

Meeting asexuals is exactly the same as meeting anyone else, just everyone knows what the end of the day won't involve 

 

[AceMissBehaving]

The other people I know in person who are ace I became friends with before finding out we had that in common. Afterwards I felt an extra level of comfort and acceptance around them.

[Purple Wanderer]

Yet to encounter another wild ace. 

 

We are a wily and elusive people. 

 

I've tried leaving cake out under a net but so far I've only caught the homeless and none of them have been ace yet

[kiaroskuro]

On 7/15/2019 at 12:24 AM, Saphoune said:

Not a very social person, I would honestly feel more confortable meeting people who share the same hobbies or taste in art than me. Sharing an absence of sexuality is not a very deep bond for starters.

I think so, too, hence I'm not very keen on going to ace meetups and such.

[SupercalifragilisticNugget]

  I don’t usually make a habit of meeting new people, except at work because I’m getting paid for it, and obviously asking everyone who walks through the door if they’re ace or not might not go too smoothly with the higher ups. 

 

  In my mind, I guess I would rather become friends with a person first because of our similar hobbies, tastes, or opinions and then find out they’re ace as an added bonus later on. 

[Janus the Fox]

Though I don’t parade around with a sign who I am, social communications is not a natural thing for me to do, it’s slightly easier being talked to first, that’s about it.  I’m often pleasant to talk to, if eccentric or clueless on communicative flow, thus the nature of my own social disability.  I do have the odd Ace badge among others when I’m attending a social meet based on other interests.

 

Wonder if a sign that says “I know a bit about computers” could do me well in talking to others 😲

[RakshaTheCat]

7 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Wonder if a sign that says “I know a bit about computers” could do me well in talking to others 😲

It might, because people will use you to fix their computers (which can be fun) instead of trying to use you for sex 😺
 

[Phantasmal Fingers]

On Monday, July 15, 2019 at 7:41 AM, Skycaptain said:

Meeting asexuals is exactly the same as meeting anyone else, just everyone knows what the end of the day won't involve 

 

Exactly.  

 

Such as half a soda water in The Parcel Yard, for example! 

[Janus the Fox]

1 hour ago, Marcin said:

It might, because people will use you to fix their computers (which can be fun) instead of trying to use you for sex 😺
 

I’m more useful this way in any case 🦊

[katinthehat]

It hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm hoping it will happen soon. I feel like since realizing I'm ace, I've become more withdrawn due to some people in my life reacting poorly to my disinterest in dating. Plus I feel awkward going out with my friends when they bring their SOs which is 90% of the time.

[ColeHW34]

Being the only ace that I know of in this old hick town is boring and I want to meet another Ace.

[Guest]

On 7/15/2019 at 3:38 PM, Purple Wanderer said:

Yet to encounter another wild ace. 

 

We are a wily and elusive people. 

 

I've tried leaving cake out under a net but so far I've only caught the homeless and none of them have been ace yet

Ah ha ha ha... 🤣 

 

Oh, crap. That does sound like something that I'd fall for... 😳

[ColeHW34]

On 7/15/2019 at 5:38 PM, Purple Wanderer said:

Yet to encounter another wild ace. 

 

We are a wily and elusive people. 

 

I've tried leaving cake out under a net but so far I've only caught the homeless and none of them have been ace yet

Agreed

[Jinkx]

I've met two other aces (that I know of) offline. One of them was a classmate and I learned about their being ace on like the last day of class and it was chill. The other was also a classmate, now a friend of mine, and that plus both of us being enby were two conversation points we picked up as we were getting to know each other in the earlier days of our friendship. Overall it's been cool, just kind of chill. Like we can relate on some points that I can't with others because we're both ace, but otherwise they're cool because they're cool.

[will123]

On 7/14/2019 at 5:50 PM, Lordyloo said:

 

 

THUS, MY QUESTION IS:

How do you feel when you meet other aces?

And if that hasn't happened to you yet, how do you imagine meeting another ace would be like?

 

I haven't really felt that nervous before any of my meetups. It has surprised me as when I was 'straight', I went on a couple of blind dates over the years and one pretty much was a disaster (just awkward for both of us).

On 7/14/2019 at 9:23 PM, ben8884 said:

I've met a few aces now in a few cities and I have had a good time. Honestly, we don't tend to talk about asexuality. In some ways, this is nice because its nice to be with a group of people where its not a factor. Like, everyone knows I am ace and its fine. Sometimes we do talk a little about it and that is also good too. We mostly discuss Dr Who at least, at the meet ups I have been too! 

Yes I have enjoyed them. In the four meet ups I've been involved with, I was the first ace the other person had ever met. Our chats have been kind of 50/50. partially talking about our asexuality, how we figured/found out and how we were dealing with it. And some chatting about just general stuff. The person I met later on Monday was so happy to meet me. It proved to herself that she wasn't alone and other aces existed 

On 7/15/2019 at 2:41 AM, Skycaptain said:

Meeting asexuals is exactly the same as meeting anyone else, just everyone knows what the end of the day won't involve 

 

I was wondering if this is why my meetups, four in the past year, including two this past Monday have been enjoyable as opposed to a 'date'? Nobody is trying to impress anyone. Yes, we have something in common and whether or not a lot is discussed about it, our asexuality could be considered an 'icebreaker' for the conversation. 

 

Normally I'm a bit of an introvert and won't really approach people out of the blue. Considering in both cases we had only exchanged a few brief texts or emails, making arrangements, I was really surprised how engaged our chats became.

 

I can see why some of the AVENites, really look forward to meeting others.

 

 

[Chihiro]

On 7/15/2019 at 3:20 AM, Lordyloo said:

How do you feel when you meet other aces?

All my ace meetups have been awkward. I was friends with aces online and knew them well, yet it was awkward. I am an introvert and most aces are introverts and this might have been a contributing factor. I dont think anything of it, I would love to meet them again if I could despite the awkwardness.... maybe we wont be awkward next time

 

Quote

And if that hasn't happened to you yet, how do you imagine meeting another ace would be like? 

I dont jump and get excited when I see another ace. Asexuality is only a small part of my identity, I don't like making a big deal of it. Thankfully, none of my ace friends (AVENites) make a big deal of it. And if anyone gets over excited because I am asexual, eww, I would be embarrassed and stay away from them.

 

On 7/16/2019 at 4:08 AM, Purple Wanderer said:

I've tried leaving cake out under a net but so far I've only caught the homeless and none of them have been ace yet

Try hunting for cakes instead. One day you will find yourself trapped by another asexual 

[gisiebob]

sometimes a good friend is someone who sails up just close enough to tip yer hat to each other and then lets the current take 'em on by.

I got nothing against shared sea shanties from two boom's width apart, but sometimes a knowin' nod says more, y'know.

[Fighting_For_Us]

On 7/15/2019 at 4:38 PM, Purple Wanderer said:

Yet to encounter another wild ace. 

 

We are a wily and elusive people. 

 

I've tried leaving cake out under a net but so far I've only caught the homeless and none of them have been ace yet

 ^^^^This is perfect 😆

 

 

I've met...5 other aces? (I've seen more from a distance but never interacted with them).

 

>One was a pan-romantic asexual, who I'm like 99% sure was crushing on me and flirting, even though we'd been chatting and he knew I'm also aro and not interested. Genuinely sweet guy though, I wouldn't mind talking to him again.

>Another was a girl at comic-con. She was pretty socially awkward and we didn't mesh well personality-wise, but again a sweet human.

>Two others were vendors and different comic cons. Both were super exited to hear I was ace. One was running an lgbtq+ booth, the other an art booth but she had aro and ace pins, and was super exited to see the aro/ace pins I was already proudly wearing. 😄

>And last but definitely not least, my best friend is ace! She's actually the first ace I ever encountered, and was the one who introduced me to asexuality. She answered a lot of questions when I was first figuring the whole 'ace' thing out, and has been massively supportive of me both in my sexuality and the rest of my life. Not to brag, but she's pretty great. 😊

[Sally]

Years ago after I'd got on AVEN I met with a bunch of asexuals.  I was excited beforehand, but then once we said a few things about being asexual, we all just looked at each otherawkwardly, because it didn't see we had anything else in common.  It's only one part of who we are.  

[Cryowolf]

ive only met one aro ace combo and one demisexual in my whole life but this was before i knew i was aro ace. so i didnt much talk about asexuality with my friends as i didnt think it pertain to me. really the aro ace only told me she was when she was super drunk and wanted me to know that shes not a lesbian. lol so i was like ok fam thanks? we did have a good time though as we where doing superhero pub crawl that night. she also was an ok friend but things didnt go so well.... well anyways now that i know i was like her. i feel the next time i meet another aro ace or maybe just an ace. i feel like ill be the one jumping for joy then maybe they would be. ill be like omg its my people! ive been alone for so long ever since i escaped our planet after the evil allosexuals blew it up with there heat death rays of lust and sex. if they laugh at my joke then i know there good people but if they look at me weird ill be like never mind i thought you where cool. i make terrible jokes and i dont need judgement from a stranger. so good day to you sir or madam..... i said good day!

[Homer]

It's not any different than meeting any other random bunch of folks. Particularly so since asexuality is based on the absence of something rather than the presence of something active you have in common, like being into cars or supporting a sports team or whatever.

[Lipbalm]

I've met aces at meets and I've not had any issues at all. Everyone has always been chatty and friendly.

 

 

[Duke Memphis]

Meeting someone else in real life who's also ace is pretty thrilling. Unfortunately, the number of them I've encountered can be counted on less than a hand.