Age difference in partners

[briones]

My parents were 18 years apart and they probably stood out as an inappropriate couple. My dad was way taller, noticeably older, and had a much darker skin tone. Although they were very different personality-wise and had lots of arguments about money, they were a good team. There's no such thing as an "equal" relationship imo - otherwise we'd be dating a carbon copy of ourselves. There's gotta be a partner who is wealthier, or healthier, or somehow has more advantages than the other.

 

Same-sex couples seem more likely to have bigger age gaps than hetero ones. Is that because there's way fewer options in terms of partners? Or are they simply more comfortable with living outside of society's norms? I was talking to a gay friend about his relationship with someone twenty years older and was surprised he said he had hardly noticed the age difference. They just got along (though they broke up for other reasons). If he had to nurse his boyfriend in old age, he would have happily done it.

 

Life is so unpredictable. I'm not practical enough to speculate what would happen if I picked a partner much older or much younger than me. The younger person might get run over by a car tomorrow, or develop some health condition. Who knows?

 

I'm surprised at the discomfort of some of the posters in this thread about seeing couples with big age differences. Society teaches us that some couples look appropriate (i.e. similar in income, looks, age) and others might get substandard treatment if they're out of the norm (e.g. if they're interracial, have a big age gap). Ugh! I personally think that if both partners are financially and emotionally independent enough to choose a partner, they should be free to pick each other.

 

I love this relevant James Baldwin quote: "Nobody, no man and no woman, is precisely what they think they are, love is where you find it, and you don't know where it will carry you."

[daveb]

My dad's last partner (long time girlfriend, eventual wife) was around 20 years younger than him. But she eventually died of cancer and he's still around. Being younger is definitely no guarantee that they will outlive the older partner.

 

Anyway, I think age differences are less important than compatibility, common interests and viewpoints and other factors. I think life stages can be more important, too. That is, if 2 people who are at similar life stages but years apart in age they might be more compatible than 2 people at different life stages but the same age. Also, maturity makes a difference, in my opinion.

[south paw]

l would say 10 years is a good max age gap for me personally.

In the end it doesn't really matter tho.  I used to think it was off-putting to see wayy younger women date older men or vice versa but love is love and they are living their best life so 🤷‍♂️

 

 

 

{my only exception is for minors of course...anyone under 18 (or legal age) seeing someone really older is not right. }