What type(s) of attraction do you experience?

[Anonymous Axolotl]

Definitions of some of the attraction types:

• Aesthetic: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aesthetic_Attraction
• Alterous: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Alterous_Attraction
• Platonic: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Platonic_Attraction
• Queerplatonic: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic_Attraction
• Sensual: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Sensual_Attraction
• Sexual, romantic, emotional attractions, and additional definitions for aesthetic attraction and sensual attraction: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/terms-of-attraction

 

 

Personally, I experience aesthetic attraction very strongly, easily the strongest out of all of the attraction forms. With regards to the others listed, I also experience platonic and I'm almost certain about queerplatonic. I'm really unsure about alterous, and when it comes to sensual, I don't really experience it with people, but I guess I experience it with non-human things such as animals, stuffed toys, certain fabrics/materials, etc. For example, if I see a fluffy cat I immediately have a strong urge to cuddle it, and it's hard to resist that. I don't experience Sexual or romantic attraction, and due to past trauma, I struggle to experience emotional attraction.

[NickyTannock]

In my case, I don't experience any attraction.

[RakshaTheCat]

I'm attracted to trust and fun interactions (together), so I don't think it counts as proper attraction? Most people fail the first one anyway 😸

Could say I'm attracted to cute behavior, but people don't seem to be capable of that (I've seen many who try to fake it or just want to be perceived as cute). So this is another thing I have to do on my own, it's fun to be cute to myself 😺

[Anonymous Axolotl]

6 minutes ago, Marcin said:

Could say I'm attracted to cute behavior, but people don't seem to be capable of that (I've seen many who try to fake it or just want to be perceived as cute).

I would say I'm attracted to cute behavior as well, but I guess it depends on what you define as "cute" behavior. For me, at least, the example that immediately comes to mind is that I think it's cute when people are self-conscious and are embarrassed over their height or some other feature that they don't have any control over. Faking that is really hard, I would think.

 

But if you're talking about a general sense of someone radiating "cuteness," then I also think that it's not really possible to be completely genuine with regards to that.

[Guest]

Aesthetic attraction. It's rare, like once every few years or less, but it has happened.

 

The other ones I honestly don't think I've ever experienced. I've never really desired to be close to anyone.

[RakshaTheCat]

7 minutes ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

I would say I'm attracted to cute behavior as well, but I guess it depends on what you define as "cute" behavior.

For me, cuteness is being vulnerable in trusting environment. Both conditions have to be true for that though, which is annoyingly rare with hoomans.

[venetau]

I find I'll sometimes want to be friends with people and I can find people beautiful, but that's the extent of it.

 

Like the OP, my sense of aesthetic attraction is strongest by far - I've always been a sucker for beautiful things, people, places etc. Platonic attraction is kind of uncommon for me. I tend to be attracted by personality traits more than anything. I find a lot of people interesting, but my 'type' friendship-wise seems to be super specific. I'd say my sensual attraction is strong for everything except people, but I feel nothing in the alterous, sexual or romantic attraction departments.

[Homer]

Food  

[Grumpy Alien]

I don’t understand most of the terms so I just answered sexual and romantic

[RakshaTheCat]

19 minutes ago, Homer said:

Food  

Won't it fall under romantic attraction? Female feeding male seems to be part of standard human mating rituals, that's how many cis females establish long term ownership of their cis male partners, by feeding them 😺

[Guest]

Romantic, sensual and aesthetic (the last one happens the most often)

[Alawyn-Aebt]

What if you are attracted to someone because you can (or think you can) have an intellectual conversation about a (or many) topic(s) of mutual interest?

 

I do not know about anyone else but as someone who prefers conversations about the Philosophy of Ethics, did the globalized world fall into a liquidity trap post-2008, can Marxist economics be rescued for the 21st Century, etc.; if I find someone who either I think is interested in similar topics or I know they are interested I seem to have a 'pull'/attraction towards being friendly with them.

I cannot explain it, and sometimes I feel bad saying it, but being able to discuss major topics is important for me. I want people to listen to my ideas, critique my ideas, and I want to listen to theirs and critique their ideas. Sadly there are not too many people I can find who like discussing such topics so when I find someone who does I feel attracted, in a way, to them.

[RakshaTheCat]

11 minutes ago, Aebt said:

What if you are attracted to someone because you can (or think you can) have an intellectual conversation about a (or many) topic(s) of mutual interest?

Intellectual? Some kind of platonic one? I do have something like that too, it's not too strong since I know we are usually completely different in any other way, but there is little bit.

 

11 minutes ago, Aebt said:

I cannot explain it, and sometimes I feel bad saying it, but being able to discuss major topics is important for me. I want people to listen to my ideas, critique my ideas, and I want to listen to theirs and critique their ideas. Sadly there are not too many people I can find who like discussing such topics so when I find someone who does I feel attracted, in a way, to them. 

What do you think about internet forums (even this one), wouldn't they be good for that kind of thing? You can just post a topic and see who will be interested. Might be easier than trying them on random people you talk to in f2f setting.

[NordicNoir]

Romantic, sensual (Those two always go together, I don’t experience sensual attraction towards friends etc). Aesthetic too, but rarely. 

[Alawyn-Aebt]

5 minutes ago, Marcin said:

What do you think about internet forums (even this one), wouldn't they be good for that kind of thing? You can just post a topic and see who will be interested. Might be easier than trying them on random people you talk to in f2f setting.

Maybe, the problem is it can be hard to read people through the internet; I am someone who people can critique my thoughts as much as they like without it compromising my sense of who I am (unless they decide on personal attacks or make it more of a formal debate-type setting, as opposed to a friendly discussion). I guess I mentally distance myself. Many others are not like that it can be hard to tell how far to push a discussion without being able to read body language or vocal intonations. (Unless they explode on you; then you know you have gone too far and you kind of ruined that experience for all parties involved.)

[RakshaTheCat]

12 minutes ago, Aebt said:

Maybe, the problem is it can be hard to read people through the internet;

Wow, you actually can read people? I mean, maybe I can too, it's just in real life, I always feel like they are going to explode any moment if I say something they don't agree with, so I don't even try to discuss things. Feels way too dangerous... 😺
 

2 minutes ago, Aebt said:

Many others are not like that it can be hard to tell how far to push a discussion without being able to read body language or vocal intonations. (Unless they explode on you; then you know you have gone too far and you kind of ruined that experience for all parties involved.)

Definitely true, but, hmm, why do you blame yourself for ruining it, when it was them who 'exploded'? Isn't it their job to not get angry even if they are feeling insecure about things they are discussing? I mean, it's not like you are forcing them to discuss things with you... 😺

[Alawyn-Aebt]

1 minute ago, Marcin said:

Wow, you actually can read people? I mean, maybe I can too, it's just in real life, I always feel like they are going to explode any moment if I say something they don't agree with, so I don't even try to discuss things. Feels way too dangerous... 😺

Yeah, I am actually pretty good at reading people, I probably make up for the fact I am horrible at expressing myself. When I read people I can usually know how much I can get away with disagreeing with them and how much, at a minimum, I should say that I agree with them. It puts them at ease because I am not against everything they say, rather I just differ in opinion in a few areas (sometimes I do lie and say I agree with them more than I do, but sometimes lying for the sake of kindness is the best of the available options. Also allows you to see it though their eyes).

2 minutes ago, Marcin said:

Definitely true, but, hmm, why do you blame yourself for ruining it, when it was them who 'exploded'? Isn't it their job to not get angry even if they are feeling insecure about things they are discussing? I mean, it's not like you are forcing them to discuss things with you... 😺

I know, but when they blow up then not only are they sad, the conversation instantly stops regardless of how much fun it was for me. I usually do not feel bad for my actions (unless I do see where I went maybe a bit too far), rather I feel bad that the conversations which I was enjoying ended on such a bad note and that the other parties involved probably hate me now.

 

Wow, I sound like a psychopath now that I read those sentences I typed out, I assure you I am not.

[iff]

Aesthetic and romantic

[RakshaTheCat]

34 minutes ago, Aebt said:

Also allows you to see it though their eyes

Hmm, what kind of things have you learned that way? For me, seeing things through other peoples' eyes just makes me realize how much I should stay away from them... 😺
 

15 minutes ago, Aebt said:

Wow, I sound like a psychopath now that I read those sentences I typed out, I assure you I am not.

Hmm, on the contrary, you sound like you care about others a lot even if they seem to be too stupid to handle discussions. For me, exploding people are no fun to be around so I'm perfectly fine to get rid of them. I'm not trying specifically to annoy them, and I do prefer to end it peacefully, but if something does annoy them, well, good riddance. So looks like I'm the psychopath here 😸 Good though, it will hopefully keep creeps away from me, since I found that whenever I'm trying to be nice, I just attract angry people.

[Anonymous Axolotl]

2 hours ago, disGraceful said:

I don’t understand most of the terms so I just answered sexual and romantic 

In the original post, there are links to pages with definitions of each term. Although, some can be somewhat confusing.

[Grumpy Alien]

1 minute ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

In the original post, there are links to pages with definitions of each term. Although, some can be somewhat confusing.

I did try reading them but I find myself still confused as to how they differ from others

[Alawyn-Aebt]

52 minutes ago, Marcin said:

Hmm, what kind of things have you learned that way? For me, seeing things through other peoples' eyes just makes me realize how much I should stay away from them... 😺

Sometimes yes, but other times if you fake-agree on a larger point it allows you to then focus on their smaller point, learning their own reasoning through their own eyes. For example I talked to someone a few times who was very right-wing politically, I am very left-wing, yet I faked I was right-wing to talk with him about how he, as a Christian with a very strong sense of ethical duty, supported Donald Trump (As to me the clash between the ethics he talked about, of universal love, etc., did not match with Trump's xenophobic-twinged message.). Basically I faked I agreed with him on Christianity, how the government should lessen regulations, etc. to get to one point in particular: how did he resolve this seeming contradiction. By faking agreement (lying) you can overlook the larger differences to learn more about how they justify to themselves their beliefs, as opposed to getting bogged down in something like does government regulation help or hurt economic prosperity (Which I love to discuss also, but that is a long complex topic which one does not always have the time for).

1 hour ago, Marcin said:

Good though, it will hopefully keep creeps away from me, since I found that whenever I'm trying to be nice, I just attract angry people.

That's too bad. I guess I have never attracted angry people because if need be I will debate people into the ground. It might take a few hours and they might end by explosion but by the end I will have made them even more angry and on top of that made them look like an idiot in front of whoever was watching.

[RakshaTheCat]

@Aebt Ah, makes sense! So, hmm, how do they do that? Dehumanize targets of Trump's xenophoby so their fancy ethics don't apply to them? I've heard this is standard way of resolving contradictions like that, but I'm no expert...

 

What do you do if you encounter someone with whom you agree on things? Let's take being 'left-wing' as an example, what do you talk about with them?

[N8ty L3asT]

I didn’t see platonic attraction I would say I’m 

 

60% platonic 

30% emotional 

10% romantic 

[rainbowocollie]

For me aesthetic and romantic attraction seem to be closely linked. But, I haven't felt romantic attraction in any form in years. I get platonic attraction/squishes, too.

[Audrey03]

honestly, the only ones im sure ive experienced before are aesthetic, platonic, sensual, and emotional. i had to google queerplatonic because i knew the general idea but i needed a refresher and it doesnt sound bad in theory, but i dont have any experience with it.

 

1 hour ago, CBC said:

I think it's weird the way we use the word 'attraction' here. Generally, when it comes to people, attraction refers to romance and sex. It's strange to use it in a much wider sense. Like... yes, technically I'm "attracted" to something about who my friends are as people, but I don't describe it that way. I also don't say I'm attracted to sunrises or attracted to the plot of a novel I'm reading or attracted to a television show or attracted to folk music or attracted to coffee, even though those are all examples of things I'm drawn to for some reason. Just as I'm drawn to the people I make friends with. But 'attraction' is just a weird word to use for that. I save it for romance and sex. 

^^^^^ i agree completely; like yeah, i can look at someone and think that theyre aesthetically pleasing or i can want to be [close] friends with someone (im assuming thats what ‘platonic attraction’ is but if im wrong i apologise) but i wouldnt really call it, well, an attraction.

[Homer]

7 hours ago, Marcin said:

Won't it fall under romantic attraction? Female feeding male seems to be part of standard human mating rituals, that's how many cis females establish long term ownership of their cis male partners, by feeding them 😺

No, I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with this bag of crisps. I don't know why you're shoehorning people into this

[Anonymous Axolotl]

6 hours ago, disGraceful said:

I did try reading them but I find myself still confused as to how they differ from others

Yeah, I do find a couple pretty confusing as well. I guess that’s a sign I don’t experience them or may be confusing them with others.

 

4 hours ago, CBC said:

I think it's weird the way we use the word 'attraction' here. Generally, when it comes to people, attraction refers to romance and sex. It's strange to use it in a much wider sense. Like... yes, technically I'm "attracted" to something about who my friends are as people, but I don't describe it that way. I also don't say I'm attracted to sunrises or attracted to the plot of a novel I'm reading or attracted to a television show or attracted to folk music or attracted to coffee, even though those are all examples of things I'm drawn to for some reason. Just as I'm drawn to the people I make friends with. But 'attraction' is just a weird word to use for that. I save it for romance and sex. 

Interesting. I’ve personally always thought of attraction as a word that means something much stronger than saying you’re "drawn to” something. I don’t really understand what it would be otherwise. I feel like you can appreciate someone (or something, such as your examples) aesthetically, but that’s completely different from being attracted to them aesthetically.

 

For example, I can appreciate the aesthetic appearance of a friend of the same sex, but I am actually attracted to certain aesthetics of people of the opposite sex. I can also appreciate the aesthetic of people of the opposite sex, but not necessarily be attracted to them aesthetically. I have yet (if ever) to be attracted to the aesthetic of someone of the same sex, even if their aesthetic is incredibly close to that of someone of the opposite sex that I would consider aesthetically attractive. To me, there is a distinct difference.

[Grumpy Alien]

I would struggle to differentiate appreciating someone’s appearance and aesthetic attraction. That’s another thing that confused me.

[I'mTheDecoy]

I read the description of 'alterous attraction' and I still have no idea what it means.

 

I would say that more than aesthetic attraction, I feel attraction to someone's sense of humour or talent.  Definitely have talent-attraction.  You know, if someone is an amzing singer or something like that, I can become enamoured with them.  I think that is a main thing I used to assume was what others meant by sexual attraction.  Is there a word for that?

 

Also can't believe platonic attraction isn't the highest voted for - surely nearly everyone experiences that?