Does anyone else have trouble making new friends?

[Hylethilei]

I have about 3 friends in my life that I hang out with on a regular basis that least call them every day. (I have met some truly wonderful people on aven tho!) So now I don't have many friends but were tight as hell and I love it, but I seem to not be so great at making new connections with people and the past few people that I really want to become closer with just have like no interest in me whatsoever outside of work. It makes me feel... Like there is something wrong with me and I guess I have felt this way my entire life really, I only have the friends that I have because I have known them all for 10+ years and we know each other so well, but I want to also meet new people and all be friends with them to. 

[Kimmie.]

I have problems making friends to but that can be because of my low self-esteem and that i don´t go out to clubs and places like that.

[N8ty L3asT]

All my friends from school moved away and I’ve only made two friends after I left school but we’re not that close. I’m not really open with in person most of the friends I had pushed for the friendship.

 

 

😅 didn’t really answer the question the first time, I guess I would say no.

[luran]

Yeah sometimes it just be like that.  I've never been great with people, myself, and then I moved away from my hometown a few years back and the friends I did have sorta fizzled away.  I never managed to make new ones to "replace" (bad word but you know what I mean, hopefully) them, so now all my friendships are like... exclusively online lmao.
It's not so bad.  Cherish the people you do have.  Having a massive social circle is overrated anyway.

[Guest]

Yep, but that miiiight be because I never go anywhere else than work and places where I buy stuff, and never actively try to get to know people I meet.

 

I'll soon ("soon" as in a year or two) move far away from where my family is as well, and that will probably make the contact with one of the two people I consider a friend fade. I don't know if I consider it that bad, but sure, would be cool to have some people around irl.

[Custard Cream]

I've never been good at making friends.  I wonder if I am failing to grasp something everybody else understands, or if I am just a bit scary.

[- Saph -]

I am not a people person and I don't really have the opportunity to meet people outside of work. Consequence is I don't have a lot of friends.

[Guest]

I have a really hard time expressing myself in any meanful way which makes it near impossible to form connections with people.

[Mirescul34]

I don't have a problem meeting new people, but it's usually like one or two, then it's really up to me to make the friendship solid or keep it going. I tend to fail with that but somehow I always have someone new to talk to, as well as my oldest friend/family. I'm wanting to get out and do activities to meet people but it's hard. 😧

[Gloomy]

I haven't really had any close friends since 2014 or so. I've kind of lost interest in making friends to be honest.

[iff]

Yes, I would also be bad at making friend. I don't think I made any new friends since I was 13 in 1997.

 

I find it difficult to make a connection with people. I am also pretty awful in keeping in touch with people which makes it tough to maintain friendship.

 

I really should have picked friends better, like found some with common interests 

[Yui-Drakon]

I also have a hard time making friends. Maintaining friendships for me is also hard.

[Elftober Country]

I'm terrible at making friends. It wasn't too bad in my twenties, but my social skills and self-confidence seem to have declined over the years. I can't imagine why anyone would want to voluntarily spend time with me. It's the reason I have NEVER attended an AVEN meet  

 

I'm also terrible at maintaining friendships, I promise to keep in touch with people but never do. 

 

 

[FindingTheta]

I have one friendship that has lasted for 12 years, and to be honest that's really the only friendship that I need. Most days I'm either too busy with my studies, or I spontaneously go out and do things by myself. When I am with my friend, it's usually twice a month and we always go explore the city and find some place new and interesting to visit. This sort of lifestyle doesn't leave much room for making friendships, but the friendship I made along the way has been a very damn good one.

 

Quality > Quantity always.

[Acing It]

The same here. I have trouble making and keeping friendships as well. It seems that either people don't get me or I don't get them. I was warned it would get more difficult as you get older. I had lots of friends in my 20s, but not so much now. What doesn't help is that I'm not on facebook, twitter and co and I refuse to. I don't think they are nice places to be.

[Alawyn-Aebt]

I have basically zero friends. I have a few glorified acquaintances and a few more regular acquaintances, but no friends.

 

I have no explanation for why I cannot make friends besides the fact I really do not know what to do. All of my previous friends and present glorified acquaintances have reached out to me, not the other way round. That being said, I am at present trying to reach out to an acquaintance and possibly try to upgrade them to glorified acquaintance and maybe even friend. But friendship is hard and confusing for me so it is not going great, but it is going. (some comments of others are also not helping my attempt but they have not destroyed my attempt yet)

[Zagadka]

I have a hard time getting to know people, admitting that I am generally introverted. When I'm around people a lot I can share things and connect, but I usually don't feel like sharing in real life.

 

The main problem i have now is exposure to people. I simply don't meet many new people (IRL), and I have almost no desire to insert myself into social situations. I would have no idea where to start if you gave me a mission to go meet someone. A bar? How do people do that? The best I can figure is, like, a D&D group or something. And that may have a lot to do with my living situation. There just isn't anywhere around here to socialize.

[LonesomeCrow]

I was never good at making friends or keeping the few I had. Social anxiety makes it even harder for me. I have "work friends" and a couple online friends but that's it. 

[Philip027]

I had difficulty making/keeping in-person friends.  They would always want to go out / hang out places, when usually all I'd want to do on the weekend is stay at home without being bothered by company.

 

Online though it's been no problem, it's way more in my comfort zone.

[RakshaTheCat]

My problem is finding trustworthy people who at least wont make everything worse. Normal people ruin most of the fun for me, so I need to look for weirdos as friend material. But where am I supposed to find weird ones? 😺

 

4 hours ago, Aebt said:

But friendship is hard and confusing for me so it is not going great, but it is going. (some comments of others are also not helping my attempt but they have not destroyed my attempt yet)

Question is what would you want to get out of friendship? People call 'friends' completely different things, so it is confusing. For example, for me, to call someone friend I need to actually trust them and feel safe with them. Through my whole life I found only one such person.

[Alawyn-Aebt]

21 hours ago, Marcin said:

Question is what would you want to get out of friendship? People call 'friends' completely different things, so it is confusing. For example, for me, to call someone friend I need to actually trust them and feel safe with them.

That is always difficult, friendship can take many forms and can be based on any number of factors.

You seem to heavily focus on mutual trust in friendships, which I must admit is very different from myself (although I really do not have friends at present). I can only imagine trying to develop mutual trust in a friendship is difficult and rare, making a sometimes-already challenging task even harder.

[RakshaTheCat]

2 minutes ago, Aebt said:

That is always difficult, friendship can take many forms and can be based on any number of factors.

I'm actually wondering what kind of different factors are these, never did any research on them... What factor is important for you that needs friendship instead of just being glorified acquaintance with someone?

 

2 minutes ago, Aebt said:

You seem to heavily focus on mutual trust in friendships, which I must admit is very different from myself (although I really do not have friends at present). I can only imagine trying to develop mutual trust in a friendship is difficult and rare, making a sometimes-already challenging task even harder.

It is definitely hard, I would say that my expectations are outright unrealistic. I think I focus on trust because I don't really need anything else out of friends. For example, internet solves every kind of intellectual need I have. I can talk to smart people, even interact with them, I can read smart things they wrote. I also enjoy cooperating with people on something interesting, but again, I don't need friends for that, just acquaintances.

[TastedHell]

Most people only have a small number of true friends, I'm a social rabbit, good with people, can chill or party, have no problems meeting or talking with people and I have 4 real friends that I've had for years, that's all you need a couple of people that get u and have your back. Otherwise it's quantity over quality.

[AspieAlly613]

On 7/13/2019 at 12:54 PM, Marian the Herbalist said:

Yep, but that miiiight be because I never go anywhere else than work and places where I buy stuff, and never actively try to get to know people I meet.

 

I'll soon ("soon" as in a year or two) move far away from where my family is as well, and that will probably make the contact with one of the two people I consider a friend fade. I don't know if I consider it that bad, but sure, would be cool to have some people around irl.

Same, except that I already moved away from my family.

[Alawyn-Aebt]

8 hours ago, Marcin said:

I'm actually wondering what kind of different factors are these, never did any research on them... What factor is important for you that needs friendship instead of just being glorified acquaintance with someone?

Glorified acquaintances to me are people who specialize in one field of friendship. I have glorified acquaintances that I can joke with, others I can discuss politics with, others that I am friendly with for no apparent reason, and still others I only connect with over some shared experience, etc. I specifically tailor how each glorified acquaintance sees me, and while part of that is simply who I am, a guarded person, another of that would be that having to feel like you are always on guard is tiresome. 

 

Friends would be people who usually -- if they cannot connect with me on every possible plane of friendship -- they at least tolerate it. They are people who I feel like I can be completely myself without having to worry about them. That being said I still, when I had friends, am protective of my emotions around friends. Hypothetically there would be hyper-friend category of people whom I could not have to worry about protecting my emotions from, but no one has ever reached that stage of friendship yet.

 

Oddly that lack of openness about emotional is partially rectified by AVEN, it allows me to be more of myself without having to worry that anyone would trace it back to me in real life. Anonymity is grand sometimes. That being said, friends are better.

[Tintinfan]

No I don't. I have many levels of friend ranging from very close (let them read old diary and vis versa) To causal aquantance. I Can make causal friends very quickly. My mother asked me for advice of making friend recently. But to be honest I'm not quite sure how I do it.

[RakshaTheCat]

9 hours ago, Aebt said:

Friends would be people who usually -- if they cannot connect with me on every possible plane of friendship -- they at least tolerate it. They are people who I feel like I can be completely myself without having to worry about them. That being said I still, when I had friends, am protective of my emotions around friends. Hypothetically there would be hyper-friend category of people whom I could not have to worry about protecting my emotions from, but no one has ever reached that stage of friendship yet.

Feels like we have quite similar, it's just I grew tired of being protective of my emotions, so I don't bother befriending people with whom I'd have to do that.

 

9 hours ago, Aebt said:

Oddly that lack of openness about emotional is partially rectified by AVEN, it allows me to be more of myself without having to worry that anyone would trace it back to me in real life. Anonymity is grand sometimes. That being said, friends are better.

Exactly.  I usually have to be way more careful with people in real life, since they could add plenty of annoyance to my life, especially if it's hard to avoid them. No such problem with online interactions 😺

[Alawyn-Aebt]

10 minutes ago, Marcin said:

it's just I grew tired of being protective of my emotions, so I don't bother befriending people with whom I'd have to do that.

I am protective about my emotions even around close family. My close family is bad at reading my emotions, that can be both good and bad at the same time. Even my parents who both hold psychology degrees routinely mess up in guessing my emotions.

Basically I did the opposite of you; I resigned myself to the fact that I am protective of my emotions but that it should not stop me from making glorified acquaintances or even, should I get the option, friends. I just live with the fact I am generally secretive and while that comes back to hurt me sometimes in the form of (especially emotional) loneliness, it can be amazingly beneficial in other instances.

23 minutes ago, Marcin said:

No such problem with online interactions 😺

The one problem with online interactions though is that honest is not always present. Along with the fact that lack of face-to-face contact makes some interactions difficult to interpret -- discerning body language is impossible. It is easy to find people who feel just because they are anonymous they can create some thoroughly-mythical persona online that is confusing and can be harmful. I will freely admit that I do treat online interactions much like acquaintances and glorified acquaintances, in that I tailor what each online community sees of me (this probably sounds much more manipulative than it really is), but I do not (normally) outright lie.

[andreas1033]

Yep, i have no chance of ever having friends again, but i for one am glad about this.

 

My life was ruined in a number of ways, and its made sure they ruined every human contact i ever had.

 

If you watch the cable guy movie, and how jim carey destroys that blokes life in the end, and makes sure everyone hates him. Thats been my life since 16/17, when i became  a target for whom knows what from, uk/usa gov.

 

Just be glad if they leave you to live a life, as these gov made my life not livable. They wanted to drive me insane, and drive me over the edge of my sanity, and get me to do something wrong, for there fun of ruining my life. Never did one thing, and these two gov will never leave my life alone, and what they did made it impossible for me to ever interact with people.

 

You just have to give up on people in this sort of thing.

 

I am just glad i was always very introverted, and it meant my childhood, basically helped me alot, with this targeting, which now has lasted 27 years.

 

So, just be glad you can have a life, as all gov, can and do destroy any life they can for there fun.

 

So i am glad personally i will never have any friends again, as humans in real life would not be able to help me in my life, so i am better alone with this, and always will be.

 

Most people enjoy seeing other peoples lifes ruined, and it seems to be part of most peoples nature. So i am glad i will never interact with them again.

 

But if you do have a life with friends, just be grateful, gov like uk, or usa leave you alone to live your life, as they can make your life a hell. They did this to me, just for there fun of ruining my life. Shows how sadistic these people are.

 

One thing you learn from going through these things, is how you certainly do find out if you have real friends. Thankfully this started at school for me, and i found out none of the people around me were friends.

 

Glad i found out the hard way, there is no real friends, as i do not think humans can be friends in such circumstances. People understandably are out for themselves. Just glad i understood this.

[RakshaTheCat]

1 hour ago, Aebt said:

I am protective about my emotions even around close family. My close family is bad at reading my emotions, that can be both good and bad at the same time. Even my parents who both hold psychology degrees routinely mess up in guessing my emotions.

You seem to be close to your family, what prevents you from telling them what your emotions are if you want them to to know your true emotions? Or is it better if they don't know?

I prefer to keep my family far away since they have no positive influence on my life, but plenty of negative if I let them.
 

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Basically I did the opposite of you; I resigned myself to the fact that I am protective of my emotions but that it should not stop me from making glorified acquaintances or even, should I get the option, friends. I just live with the fact I am generally secretive and while that comes back to hurt me sometimes in the form of (especially emotional) loneliness, it can be amazingly beneficial in other instances.

Hehe, yeah, I just don't see any benefit for me of having friends like that. People almost always make things worse in the long run, my one friend is sole exception so far. Emotional loneliness is good example, it's other people who make it bad, I feel super lonely only if I'm forced into social situation, because I know I'm alone in hostile environment. But if I go for a bush walk for example, I never feel alone since I just enjoy friendly environment 😺

If having friends like that works for you, that's all good of course, we all have different needs after all! 😺
 

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I will freely admit that I do treat online interactions much like acquaintances and glorified acquaintances, in that I tailor what each online community sees of me (this probably sounds much more manipulative than it really is), but I do not (normally) outright lie.

Makes perfect sense. I mean, acquaintances don't even care about knowing everything about you, so tailoring your image to them seems like something that expect anyway. This is another reason why I don't bother with them, I'm too lazy to tailor my image for anyone, especially since I don't get anything nice out of them 😺