Awareness about Asexuality

[Abornonio]

I was born asexual but I learned it about a couple of days ago. I remember I was only 9 years old when I first learn about sex. The way the idea of sexuality is floating around, the idea of asexuality is not. When I learned about sex at that age, the first thing came to my mind was, why? The answer was to bring life into the world. Then the very next thing appeared to my mind was I am not gonna do this ever. I started to keep a distance from men, cause I heard a lot of stories, that it is men who provoked women to have sex. When I was at the age of 17, a couple of my female friends started to date and some even started to have sex. I used to think they are filthy people that is why they do filthy things which are called the sex. Whenever some of my friends started to make fun about how my would be husband would touch me, I instantly got mad at them. I screamed this is my body, why the hell I would let someone's filthy touch on me? During my bachelor time, I rarely talked to men, thinking they would fall in love with me, and they would ask for satisfactory sex from me. I used to daydream that when I would complete my studies, I would start a decent job, I would have a male partner with whom I would spend time, do household chores together, watch a movie, eat dinner together. Afterward, he would go back to his room, and I would go back to mine to get some sleep. That is it. Whenever I discussed this thing with someone, they would say, are you out of your mind? Do you even live in a practical world? It always made me sad. To avoid getting bullied by them, I started to tell a lie about my love life. I would say, Yes, I am in love with someone. I made a fictional character. Then they used to ask, well did you kiss? I used to say, no, we are waiting till we get married. They weren't that much-convinced with that story. After completing my bachelor my parents and surroundings were pressuring me to find someone, cause life can't be spent alone. I discussed a couple of times with my parents that I hate sex, it is not possible for me, to have a so-called decent sex life with anybody. The reaction from them was, it would be alright once I would have sex!
 

I decided to leave my country. Yes, only because of my sexuality, I had to migrate. I fell in love with a guy, this time it was real. We used to spend time together, cook food together, watch movies together, hang out together. Problems appeared when one day it was too late for him to go back, he asked for a sleepover. I was confused and welcomed him at the same time. He lied next to me and after a couple of minutes, he started to touch me badly. I was surprised, and was asking him, what the hell is he doing? He replied, isn't it what I wanted and the reason behind let him stay at night?! I was completely surprised and asked him to stop. We did have an extremely good mental connection between each other, it was not possible for me to get rid of him at the instant. Honestly, I was in love with him. After all, after a long time, I got someone to share my feelings. He was like a candle in my pitch black life. He kept taking advantages of my love. He kept doing filthy seductive things, saying I would enjoy since I am a virgin, I don't have any idea, but once I am used to it, I would enjoy. I didn't enjoy an iota of his so-called damn love affection. He committed those almost correction rape on me at least 10 times, but couldn't make me warm. Every time I was cold. Every time he did those on me, I felt filthy, dirty. I cut my skin with sharp blades, let it bleed, thinking those trashes are coming out of me. I became a mental patient. I saw a psychologist. Instead of helping me out, she was asking what kind of moves did we take? Was I relaxed? If I am not relaxed, I won't enjoy! I was thinking of making him happy, thinking it was all my fault. Even though I tried to stay relaxed, my body did not respond. Eventually, I broke up with him. I started researching on my own, and discover I am not sick. I am not a mental patient. It is who I am. I shouldn't be ashamed of myself. There are 1% people out there. I am not alone. I joined this community, thinking one day my asexual hetero-romantic prince charming would come and take me away from this over-sexualized world. 

 

Being a member of this community, I am thinking we need to create awareness of asexuality. We need to spread the idea that we are not sick, we do not have any physical problem. This is what we are. Media has a great impact on society. They sell sex everywhere. Rappers like Nicki Minaj and Cardi B rap about sexual positions in their so-called songs, and shake their booty unnecessarily rather than dancing. Media is asking women to make big butts so that, they would enjoy p**is riding while having sex. In the movies, in the commercials, in the sitcoms there is unnecessary sex scenes. They are giving a vibe, without sex life is nothing. We need to change that vibe. Psychologists who would support people like us, do not have much idea about asexuality either. That is why instead of helping us out, they are making us feel bad and sad about our sexuality. Sex is a part but not a compulsory part. Life can be wonderful without sexual attraction. These days media is showing Gayism in the movies or in the Sitcoms but what about us? If there is no content about us anywhere, how can people like us come out? We need to figure out how we can motivate media so that they would promote asexuality too. I think we are neither a part of LGBT community nor a part of straight people. Our flag is not the rainbow flag. We have a different flag. I think from now onwards we should arrange a separate pride procession for us rather than joining LGBT people. Both LGBT and straights are fascinated about sex, which is contradictory to out principle. We are very very different from straight and LGBT, and we do exist. It is time to let the world know, asexuality matters.

[Evobessive]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about all of the horrible experiences you have been through and I'm happy you got through a toxic relationship and was able to discover who you really were, it's a difficult processes for a lot of people. I do agree with you that the media is overly sexualised and does make asexuality look like a deficiency, but there has been progress, quite popular shows like Shadowhunters and Bojak Horseman have asexual charecters and the visibility is growing. We do need more awareness though and media is the key. I'm not sure if separating ourselves completely from the LGBT community would be necessary, many of those movements are trying a least to accomdate us, adding a 'A' to the acronym for asexual. I understand where you're coming from as the other members of the LGBT community are focused on sex and having their sexual desires validated, but the main part of their movement is meant to be the acceptance of people's sexual orientations, including our own (or I suppose lack of sexual orientation), but I do get your point. 

[ScribalMarks]

Asexuality matters, but so does sexuality. People should accommodate all orientations, as long as they don't cause harm. If ppl like d*ck-riding, good luck to them. Some women enjoy it, they shouldn't stop just because aces wouldn't enjoy it too.

[Mirescul34]

I had a similar experience with my exboyfriends. I felt a lot of shame afterwards, wondering what was wrong with me. It's incredibly disgusting how some people will use others in such a vulnerable position, trying to make us like something that we clearly aren't enjoying. 

[Evobessive]

On ‎7‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 7:41 PM, AmaechiJones said:

Asexuality matters, but does sexuality. People should accommodate all orientations, as long as they don't cause harm. If ppl like d*ck-riding, good luck to them. Some women enjoy it, they shouldn't stop just because aces wouldn't enjoy it too.

That's pretty much what I think, I just wish that we lived in a world where all orientations were considered valid and we didn't have to feel self-conscious or ashamed about it. 

[Abornonio]

Thank you, everyone, for your kind support. About the media, I have seen asexuals are even criticized. As for example in the popular comedy sitcom Big Bang theory, The character Sheldon is an Asexual. Instead of presenting him as an Asexual they had presented him as a lunatic, weirdo. They just did not stop there, they finally developed a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. What message did they convey to millions of fans all over the world actually? They conveyed, Asexuals are weird, Asexuality is weirdness. Moreover, I found a dating App for Asexuals, there are only 20 members there!! Can you imagine?! 
I have been in this group for a month, barely found any guy, moreover only one person from Finland, who didn't respond to me at all. I am living by myself now. There is none out there to talk to. None is interested in a sexless relationship. Sometimes I feel like, I would die alone, in a cold loveless bed, bugs would eat my body. There would not be anyone even for my funeral. I heard 1% of people in the world are asexual. Why there is not a single asexual person around me, to comfort and to say, I am here, you are not alone!