Do you think “love at first sight” is really a thing?

[Anonymous Axolotl]

Just wondering since it seems like a common trope in media. And everyone knew that one kid (or multiple kids) in middle school who would swoon over the idea falling in love at first sight and hope it would happen to them.

 

Maybe I “don’t get it” since I’m aromantic, but I think the whole “love at first sight” thing is pretty… dumb. That being said, I totally think there is attraction at first sight. Like you see someone and immediately think or feel, “I want to get to know them,” for any number of reasons, such as you find them aesthetically pleasing, they seem to give off a positive vibe, or even something you may not be able to define. Maybe from there you end up falling in love at some point, maybe not. However, I really don’t think that love at first sight is a thing. Doesn’t love in any form (platonic, romantic, etc.) develop out of a strong emotional (and sometimes physical) connection to someone? You can’t exactly have that connection if you’ve only been looking at someone for half a second and prior to that didn’t even know they existed.

 

But hey, I’m aromantic, so I could totally be unable to understand “love at first sight” anyway. Your thoughts?

[Rili]

Love is a very strong emotion, and I don't think you could experience that just by looking at someone who you've never met before.

[RoseGoesToYale]

Not at all. Love is something that has to develop. It involves trust and accepting the other person as they are and sometimes it's inexplicable. The whole Disney-fied love at first sight thing seems to imply one can form a deep bond with someone just by looking at someone aesthetically attractive, and that's... not how it works.

[Grumpy Alien]

Not literally, no

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I like to make a punny and say there was a spark at first sight with Clutch c;

 

But no, I hoped we'd love each other, but it would be a lie to say we immediately could.

[Philip027]

No.  Lust/infatuation maybe, but to me love is something that cannot exist until a greater connection is formed somehow, certainly not one formed by mere eye contact.

[Guest]

Love grows.

[Grumpy Alien]

30 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

But no, I hoped we'd love each other, but it would be a lie to say we immediately could.

I think that’s as close as it gets

[RakshaTheCat]

From my observations, it's more complicated. That first spark leads to mating rituals, which consist of showing off their 'assets', like boobs or fat wallet (these seem to be the most popular ones, but there are different kinds of assets of course), and also telling lies to paint themselves in good light. If boobs are big enough or wallet is fat enough, only then you get love that will usually last for few years.

Sometimes, if people are desperate for any kind of affection, fancy mating rituals aren't even necessary, just being nice is enough for them to fall in love.

[Guest]

I believe you can project a personality onto someone and fall in love with that right away, and maybe, sometimes, that projection can be a pretty close match to who they actually are.

[Anonymous Axolotl]

So glad to see so many of these replies have the same sort of sentiment towards love at first sight that I do. I was afraid it might be more prevalent than I thought since I know a few people who legitimately believe in it.

[Zagadka]

I don't even believe in unchanging love. I wouldn't go as far as to talk about monogamy or lifelong relationships... I'm up in the air on romantic orientation, it is just my experience that people can change significantly over any length of time and any interpersonal relationship requires constant work and upkeep, so some kind of love at first sight makes no sense beyond a very short timeframe of initially getting to know someone.

[uhtred]

I don't believe in love at first sight, but I think it is possible for two people to very quickly recognize that they are extremely compatible and that gives the potential for love to develop. 

 

I met my wife randomly at a campground.  We started dating. We've been married >30 years. 

[Strifed]

No. I think "love at first sight" is more like "aesthetic attraction/sexual attraction" at first sight. You can't properly love someone by just looking at them or spending 10 seconds with them haha.

[SithLord]

I think people who say "love at first sight" are oversimplifying all the goes into love. I think there can be strong attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, etc.) between two people just from sight, but not love. 

Also, everyone I know who believes in love at first sight still dates and tests the waters, so they're not blind to knowing more goes into real love and relationships. Maybe it's a fast relationship and gets serious quickly, but they don't see each other and immediately propose.

[Anonymous Axolotl]

4 minutes ago, CBC said:

There's something about how we interact that sparks it.

I can definitely see how initial interactions play an important role in a romantic and/or sexual relationship, but I feel like this applies to pretty much any sort of relationship. I'm not going to want to pursue a general friendship if the person comes off as being cold or outright rude to me. I could initially be drawn to a person based on how they're presenting themselves (maybe I find them aesthetically pleasing, maybe they just seem like they'd be friendly based on how they appear to interact with others, etc.) but if my personal interactions with them seem awkward or clash in any way, I'd like to leave before things potentially get uncomfortable or stressful.

[N8ty L3asT]

No. It’s mostly hormones and the personality of the person is what they want you to see, typically people don’t show their true selves in public.

[Chihiro]

1 hour ago, Road said:

I believe you can project a personality onto someone and fall in love with that right away, and maybe, sometimes, that projection can be a pretty close match to who they actually are.

^^This.

 

Never happened to me, but I have met guys (quick google search shows males experience this more commonly) who said they experienced it. Based on what I know of them, I believe they were depressed and looking for someone/something to rescue them and they had aesthetic attraction along with what I just quoted.

[catra]

nah, i agree that it’s most likely attraction at first sight. love is such a strong emotion that even romantics can’t fall into it immediately. perhaps it can happen over just a few days, but surely not at first sight. you don’t truly know the person at that time, so whatever you feel is very likely not love.

[Guest]

I think what most describe as “love at first sight” is initial romantic impressions on another person. Like if a date goes exceedingly well, or you “click” with someone, in the sense that you benefit positively from someone else’s personality or energy. Whether or not you consider that to be love is up to you!

[Anonymous Axolotl]

14 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

2 hours ago, Road said:

I believe you can project a personality onto someone and fall in love with that right away, and maybe, sometimes, that projection can be a pretty close match to who they actually are.

^^This.

 

Never happened to me, but I have met guys (quick google search shows males experience this more commonly) who said they experienced it. Based on what I know of them, I believe they were depressed and looking for someone/something to rescue them and they had aesthetic attraction along with what I just quoted. 

Whoa, that's actually pretty interesting! I've never heard of that, and I wonder why males tend to experience it more often?

[Chihiro]

2 minutes ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

Whoa, that's actually pretty interesting! I've never heard of that, and I wonder why males tend to experience it more often?

Males are typically known for wanting quick gratification, so that could be one reason (their mind skips the courting, sex etc and makes them fall in love straight away). I am just saying the stereotype that exists, personally dunno any male who have had sex or entered relationship just to get what they want. But this stereotype has some biological theories like males wanting to spread their genes as quickly as possible etc etc. Socially too, I have heard plenty of complains about men not wanting to invest in romance or foreplay and just wanting sex.

[Anonymous Axolotl]

4 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

Males are typically known for wanting quick gratification, so that could be one reason (their mind skips the courting, sex etc and makes them fall in love straight away). I am just saying the stereotype that exists, personally dunno any male who have had sex or entered relationship just to get what they want. But this stereotype has some biological theories like males wanting to spread their genes as quickly as possible etc etc. Socially too, I have heard plenty of complains about men not wanting to invest in romance or foreplay and just wanting sex.

Ah yeah, that's a valid point. Males are more biologically programmed for spreading their genetics as much as possible.

[Guest]

Lust is immediate. It takes some time to develop love. 

 

Love and trust are things that are earned. They as a result, cannot be given immediately. 

 

Attraction, and love aren't the same thing. This is what is being misinterpreted here. 

 

Someone telling you they love you on a second date is creepy for a reason. 

[Skycaptain]

Love at first sight can happen, but is definitely an exception rather than the norm. 

 

As to why its such a thing in the media, another old trope - sex sells. Fictionalised sex sells even better, people can live out their fantasies in print, TV, movies etc with minimal adverse effects. 

[Sally]

My experience with my partner was 1) aesthetic attraction, 2) infatuation, 3) falling emotionally in love, and finally 4) long-term deep love over many decades.  The first 3 happened within several weeks.   No one who hasn't experienced that speedy progression has a right to say it never happens.   

[Kimmie.]

I read somewhere that it actually is a thing.

[Salmiakki]

Don't know about love but I can become infatuated at the first sight. From the very first time I see someone I can become romantically attracted. It happens pretty often actually and it's very annoying. It limits my life a lot. 

[Guest]

13 hours ago, CBC said:

No. Intrigue, interest, even lust... sure. But whoever says love at first sight is a thing misunderstands what love entails.

My opinion is that love can be defined in different ways, it's a word that can unfortunately mean different things depending on 1) who is feeling it and 2) who they are feeling it for.

 

For example, I would have died for either of my kids (and still would) from the moment I saw them. That, to me, is love at first sight. I have gotten to know them better over time, as their personalities developed, but the feelings I have still existed from the moment I saw them.

 

Also, when I was 13 or so, I 'met' a guy online (well, okay, a friend who knew him online mentioned to him to me, I didn't even see a pic) and it was like... the strongest most brutal love I have ever felt in my now 30 years came over me in an instant. I loved him, I adored him... If I met him, I'd have let him do anything to me, no matter what he wanted.. and this feeling came from my heart, not my groin. I eventually got to chat to him online (maybe about 8 times all up) and I even saw two pics of him (but never heard his voice or anything)... He blocked me after a couple of weeks for understandable reasons. But it took me 5 years and many, many self-inflicted wounds to fully get over him.. I still bear a lot of the scars that I acquired as a result of my feelings for him to this day. I was broken without him, I woke up crying every morning for years.. That ache in my heart was just always there that reminded me that he was not mine, and I could not have him.

 

In short, yes, I believe in love at first sight because I've felt it in ways that would have led to my own death (and still could in the future) if such a situation was required of me. However, it does always depend on how one is defining love, and the situations one is applying it to!

 

Just my opinion though

[Guest]

Since I'm really fond of Lee's model...

 

 

Spiritual love (Agape), romantic infatuation (which, from tons and tons of painful personal experience - so folks, stuff your whining elsewhere kthxbye - I see as Mania), and sexual lust (Eros) can all absolutely exist at first sight. So, probably, can casual-dallying love (Ludus).

 

Less superficial forms of Eros (that would involve "healthy romance", hard as that term is for me to compute) are considerably harder to imagine on first sight, but I wouldn't 100% rule that out as a posibility.

 

All forms of Pragma (arranging a shared life and responsibilities) and Storge (loving, companionate friendship) are pretty much impossible to imagine existing without having had ample time to grow.

 

 

And as "relationship love", for me, personally, utterly relies on Storge as a core component... do the math.