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Do you think “love at first sight” is really a thing?


Anonymous Axolotl

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4 hours ago, Chihiro said:

Not necessarily.

In a healthy relationship, love is earned. 

 

If a person falls in love in two days where they would move mountains for you, that is not a very healthy relationship. 

 

Same as if someone wouldn't lift a finger but expect that world from such a person. That or one which is abusive or manipulative. 

 

Love is earned just like trust, in that both grow or get destroyed over time. 

 

It's the main reason you must constantly work in a relationship.

 

As these aren't things that are given, if you have to work so hard to keeping them healthy and strong. 

 

Keep in mind we are talking relationships here. Not that unconditional bond some parents will immediately form for a child they have given birth to. 

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12 minutes ago, Perspektiv said:

In a healthy relationship, love is earned. 

Whats healthy is subjective. For instance, I have seen women from very patriarchal society adoring their husbands even though the husband doesnt give a f*** about their wives. The husbands aren't abusive nor do they cheat but they aren't caring either. They have no clue about wive's life, and if wife ever gets sick some other family member cares for her. From my perspective, the husbands are indifferent (possibly as a result of being aromantic) but yet the wives are very loving, take care of husbands every need/sickness etc. These are not even religious folks and they are exposed to plenty of TV/movie romance to know what equal relationships look like. The society itself doesnt place any restrictions on women's roles because their kids who have grown up are pursuing equality based romantic relationships.

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2 hours ago, Chihiro said:

Whats healthy is subjective. 

I have been to countries where foreigners flock to, due to the women. 

 

IE a woman who under her highly patriarchal upbringing strongly believes in submitting herself to a man no matter what. 

 

You could cheat, have 5 wives, but you taking her out of poverty would be enough for her to remain loyal and submissive to you via sacrificing her happiness for the sake of her family.

 

A lot of such women due to their nature, remain in highly abusive relationships suffering in silence, afraid to speak up and putting shame on her family's name as a result. 

 

Doesn't make that setting healthy. 

 

Any relationship where actual love exists, will have the love be earned. 

 

Sorry but if she is afraid to leave you, that's not love. That's control. The only thing keeping her there isn't love. It's a house, kids, guilt and risk of shaming her family and name. 

 

If she is afraid to lose you, you may have a better point on the love being healthy. And this type of love takes time to develop and yes--earn.

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InDefenseOfPOMO
On 7/19/2019 at 12:09 AM, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

Someone may look cute, but you would still need time to learn if they have similar hobbies/interest to you, have a personality that works with yours, similar sense of humor, etc.

 

And you can learn that someone has similar hobbies/interests, a personality that works with yours, similar sense of humor, etc. yet never feel love for him/her.

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I think it's possible but it's more of a "gut feeling" type of thing which you usually shouldn't ignore but still be cautious with. I had this kind of gut feeling when I first started talking with my current boyfriend like almost two years ago and while we didn't start dating right away... I didn't give up on him because of having that feeling and we now been enjoying 7+ months of a happy relationship that seems will keep going strong.

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  • 5 months later...
J. van Deijck

Personally I don't believe in love at first sight. For me, love is possible only when you actually know something about another person, at least when you know more than how they look like. Maybe I'm also one of those who "don't get it" since it has never happened to me to fall for a stranger, but that's my point of view.

Lust and desire are a completely different things and these can probably happen immediately.

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DarkStormyKnight

Yeah this is one of those things where I assume it can happen to other people but sure as hell won't happen to me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mr-Fred-Rogers-quote-about-love-is-the-g

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