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I shun attraction from others. What is that?


KeyKey

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If I notice someone is aesthetically attractive and they turn and look at me like they’re attracted to me it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I will shun their gaze and try to get away from them. I know it’s not shyness because it actually annoys me and I feel like, “no. I’m not what you want.” And sometimes if a guy I thought was nice looking gives me his undivided attention and is like “now what” I literally can’t come up with a single thought in my head but to want to go away. Also, guys smiling at me with a lingering gaze during a dinner date completely weirds me out. What’s that about?

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letusdeleteouraccounts

You probably just don’t want people thinking of you in way you don’t see other people

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It's reasonable to be uncomfortable at the thought of having to deal with an awkward situation, which is what is likely to result if someone tried to act on being attracted to you when you are not attracted to them. If you are aromantic, you are never attracted to anyone, so anytime anyone seems attracted to you, it's potentially that situation that could be awkward. If you are severely sex repulsed, to the point where it grosses you out to even get close to thinking they might be thinking something about you, then it could be that, too.

 

For the former, I would suggest figuring out what you would say or do if someone flirted with you and if they asked you out. If you plan for what you are afraid of, you don't have to be as afraid, and then you can be less uncomfortable. (I do this in general for all kinds of fears.) For the latter, hopefully you can avoid imagining what they are thinking, maybe distract yourself or find some particular image or phrase to focus on when you have this happen so you don't have to think about it.

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verymelancholic

I guess it's something like Anti-romantic?

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I don't know if I can help much but I feel some of the same - when I'm attracted to someone, I don't want them to be attracted by me. I guess I just like the idea of me being attracted to someone else, but don't want to do anything about it. Everytime I've been with one of the persons I found attractive, I ended up hurting both of us because I realised while I was in the relationship that this was not what I wanted... Which is really confusing, both for me and my partner, but I can't help it. I'm just not interested in going further into my attraction for someone, and I certainly do not want them to reciprocate the attraction.

 

Does that sound somewhat like what you experience? 

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On 7/7/2019 at 9:47 PM, KeyKey said:

If I notice someone is aesthetically attractive and they turn and look at me like they’re attracted to me it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I will shun their gaze and try to get away from them. I know it’s not shyness because it actually annoys me and I feel like, “no. I’m not what you want.” And sometimes if a guy I thought was nice looking gives me his undivided attention and is like “now what” I literally can’t come up with a single thought in my head but to want to go away. Also, guys smiling at me with a lingering gaze during a dinner date completely weirds me out. What’s that about?

 

On 7/9/2019 at 6:39 AM, Kersenne said:

I don't know if I can help much but I feel some of the same - when I'm attracted to someone, I don't want them to be attracted by me. I guess I just like the idea of me being attracted to someone else, but don't want to do anything about it. Everytime I've been with one of the persons I found attractive, I ended up hurting both of us because I realised while I was in the relationship that this was not what I wanted... Which is really confusing, both for me and my partner, but I can't help it. I'm just not interested in going further into my attraction for someone, and I certainly do not want them to reciprocate the attraction.

These sound like traits that could describe a possible lithromantic/akoiromantic:
https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Lithromantic

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On 7/9/2019 at 6:39 AM, Kersenne said:

I don't know if I can help much but I feel some of the same - when I'm attracted to someone, I don't want them to be attracted by me. I guess I just like the idea of me being attracted to someone else, but don't want to do anything about it. Everytime I've been with one of the persons I found attractive, I ended up hurting both of us because I realised while I was in the relationship that this was not what I wanted... Which is really confusing, both for me and my partner, but I can't help it. I'm just not interested in going further into my attraction for someone, and I certainly do not want them to reciprocate the attraction.

 

Does that sound somewhat like what you experience? 

Actually I tend to find something wrong with them and refuse another date, or I don’t give off any sexy vibes and they lose interest. They say women are supposed to flirt by being touchy feely with a date ie. rubbing their arm or back. For me that’s completely mechanical. I don’t feel like touching them so actually have to remind myself, because it’s expected. For example I will consciously think, ‘It’s the second date. About an hour has passed. I should place my hand on his forearm. Hold for 5 seconds. There. I did it. I hope he is satisfied with that. Cheek peck scheduled for 30 minutes from now.’

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On 7/10/2019 at 11:45 PM, coughsyrup said:

 

These sound like traits that could describe a possible lithromantic/akoiromantic:
https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Lithromantic

Yep. I think so. At least initially I don’t like attention it at all. I can look at someone and enjoy their aesthetic but I absolutely do not want a guy or girl checking me out. And it’s not shyness like I’m worried about my hair or something. It’s more of an immediate visceral reaction like, eww. Oh my God, stop looking at me.

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On 7/11/2019 at 9:20 AM, KeyKey said:

Actually I tend to find something wrong with them and refuse another date, or I don’t give off any sexy vibes and they lose interest. They say women are supposed to flirt by being touchy feely with a date ie. rubbing their arm or back. For me that’s completely mechanical. I don’t feel like touching them so actually have to remind myself, because it’s expected. For example I will consciously think, ‘It’s the second date. About an hour has passed. I should place my hand on his forearm. Hold for 5 seconds. There. I did it. I hope he is satisfied with that. Cheek peck scheduled for 30 minutes from now.’

Where on earth are you getting this belief from? It's not 'expected' at all and if anything will only cause your date to feel confused! 

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