AroAceLakshi Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 Just tried explaining my sister about asexuality.She said and I quote "how can you not feel anything ,are you a stone " and that internet made me asexual Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 I'm sorry you got that reaction from your sister. Perhaps you can explain by flipping it around? By that I mean, ask her if she loves her Mum or Dad, then if she's Sexually or Romantically attracted to them, and then when she says no, ask her if that makes her a stone or whether the internet made her lack that kind of attraction to them. Then say that it's like that for you in general. I don't know if that would work, but it's the suggestion that came to mind when you quoted her. Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted July 7, 2019 Author Share Posted July 7, 2019 18 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said: I'm sorry you got that reaction from your sister. Perhaps you can explain by flipping it around? By that I mean, ask her if she loves her Mum or Dad, then if she's Sexually or Romantically attracted to them, and then when she says no, ask her if that makes her a stone or whether the internet made her lack that kind of attraction to them. Then say that it's like that for you in general. I don't know if that would work, but it's the suggestion that came to mind when you quoted her. Well she refuses to listen to me Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 44 minutes ago, lakshitha said: Well she refuses to listen to me Fuck her off then, live your life. You can't please everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan123 Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 Some people take a while to warm up to the idea, especially if you just told her. This doesn’t excuse what she has said but sometimes it can help to give them time and trying to explain in different ways without getting confrontational (in my experience, the moment you get angry is the moment they stop listening). However, this is also true if she flat out refuses to listen: 4 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: Fuck her off then, live your life. You can't please everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
ScribalMarks Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 I think she equates a lack of sexual feelings as having a lack of emotions full stop. Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Solution to staying out of those situations: explaining clearly and fully, showing no shame in your orientation, and not being all “social justice” or innocent about it. I think you should go back to your sister and articulate your feelings (or lack there of) more thoroughly since I believe it’s better not to just brush off family like that even after experiencing their ignorance. If you’re able to explain about everything on here with your attraction and lack of attraction, I can help you with what to say if you want Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 1 hour ago, Star Lion said: Solution to staying out of those situations: explaining clearly and fully, showing no shame in your orientation, and not being all “social justice” or innocent about it. I think you should go back to your sister and articulate your feelings (or lack there of) more thoroughly since I believe it’s better not to just brush off family like that even after experiencing their ignorance. If you’re able to explain about everything on here with your attraction and lack of attraction, I can help you with what to say if you want I identify myself as aromantic asexual but in India arranged marriages are predominant so as per her ideology I am supposed to feel attraction to be a real human which is non existent in me and she said that something is wrong with me and when my parents marry me off to someone I will feel those things .I think I should go back in the closet ,it's safe because my environment is so marriage obsessed.People assume I am a freak Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Man, I honestly assume people on English AVEN are either from the States or the UK so that’s my bad. If the closet is what makes you feel physically safe, that might be the best option. If you ever decide to come out again, I advise saying that you aren’t sexually or romantically inclined towards people. The feelings people experience towards each other aren’t a choice and you didn’t choose not to be able to experience any of those feelings Link to post Share on other sites
dans-sad-dimple Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 @lakshitha omg I'm practically in the same situation right now. I came out to my cousin last week and she was like, you're too young to know, and she didn't even know what asexuality was to start with. The closet feels like a better place all of a sudden. And yes, the entire country is marriage obsessed. I'm scared of arranged marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 13 minutes ago, dans-sad-dimple said: @lakshitha omg I'm practically in the same situation right now. I came out to my cousin last week and she was like, you're too young to know, and she didn't even know what asexuality was to start with. The closet feels like a better place all of a sudden. And yes, the entire country is marriage obsessed. I'm scared of arranged marriage. I feel you Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Yeah a lot of people think asexual = robot/no emotions. I’ve relayed this story a few times on the forum, but in college, I took a philosophy class for the heck of it and we were discussing what a robot needed to be considered “human.” A bunch of people said if it didn’t have romantic/sexual feelings, it wasn’t human enough. So apparently, we’re inhuman to some people. 😒 It’s pretty dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 it might be worth looking into finding a counselor who can help mediate between parents marriage choces and children's needs, although I don't know if that sort of specialization exists. you might also want to talk privately with your parents about this, it's entirely possible that they will not share your sister's point of view. I don't know. there is a lot to not like about arranged marriage culture, but there are good things too, like how it fosters communities between families (in my culture extended familes largely stay stangers to the other side of married couples) and modern app based dating is pretty soul wrenching. Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 2 hours ago, gisiebob said: it might be worth looking into finding a counselor who can help mediate between parents marriage choces and children's needs, although I don't know if that sort of specialization exists. you might also want to talk privately with your parents about this, it's entirely possible that they will not share your sister's point of view. I don't know. there is a lot to not like about arranged marriage culture, but there are good things too, like how it fosters communities between families (in my culture extended familes largely stay stangers to the other side of married couples) and modern app based dating is pretty soul wrenching. My parents tell me its just a phase ,besides marriage is not everyone's cup of tea and marriage is between two people who love each other and I dont really get those kind of feelings Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 ... marriage is complicated. like a bunch of feelings sitting at a table playing cards. yes, what we call love is a big player, but it is not alone, nor is it always even there. love, if you want it to be a razor, to cut between what is and what is not, love is a word that shatters and becomes useless. you love your sister. I love this pebble in my hand. you love the old dirt that gets into everything, I love forks, we both love the sky. in truth the real love in a marriage that is loved is not what has people break out in bollywood songs, it's what the union adds to the individuals. or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Prat2401 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 I am literally going through the same thing. As the days pass I get more assured that I am an asexual. But due to all the tabboo attached of no sex before marriage. And the concept of arranged marriage. So I decided to tell my best friend of 10 years that I might be an asexual. Even though she told me she was fine if I am an ace but she did try to tell me it is a phase. I didn't expect this from a best friend. And it hurts whenever I see them. I don't even feel like coming out anymore. The society doesn't even let us be exposed enough to have a voice. This makes me so mad. Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 On 7/18/2019 at 5:36 PM, Prat2401 said: I am literally going through the same thing. As the days pass I get more assured that I am an asexual. But due to all the tabboo attached of no sex before marriage. And the concept of arranged marriage. So I decided to tell my best friend of 10 years that I might be an asexual. Even though she told me she was fine if I am an ace but she did try to tell me it is a phase. I didn't expect this from a best friend. And it hurts whenever I see them. I don't even feel like coming out anymore. The society doesn't even let us be exposed enough to have a voice. This makes me so mad. My best friend broke up with me because she found me uncomfortable another one accepted me Link to post Share on other sites
twetzel59 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 On 10/15/2019 at 1:06 PM, AroAceLakshi said: My best friend broke up with me because she found me uncomfortable another one accepted me Wow, I'm so sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 7 hours ago, twetzel59 said: Wow, I'm so sorry! I don't even know what I should do .Should I apologize for being myself or should I let her go.I miss her a lot but I wonder if that is even worth . I mean I did not choose to be aroace but that's who I am Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 No you definitely shouldn't apologize for being yourself! Trust me that you'll find better friends and that we all support you here ❤️ 12 minutes ago, AroAceLakshi said: I don't even know what I should do .Should I apologize for being myself or should I let her go.I miss her a lot but I wonder if that is even worth . I mean I did not choose to be aroace but that's who I am I understand how you feel, it took a while to accept that I'm aroace as well especially since I love romance and having sex. I didn't like the thought of not being normal even though I know that nobody can be normal. I tried avoid the possibility of me being aroace by you know dating and sex but I know deep down I can't ignore how I really feel. I wanted to be able to get married and have all that cute romantic stuff. I still want to get married and do anything romance coded. I've been able to come to terms that romantic love isn't the only kind of love out there and platonic love is just as wonderful though sometimes I still doubt. That how I feel isn't wrong or lesser I hope one day you're able to accept yourself and know that how you feel isn't wrong or bad at all. Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 13 minutes ago, Internetlionboy said: No you definitely shouldn't apologize for being yourself! Trust me that you'll find better friends and that we all support you here ❤️ I understand how you feel, it took a while to accept that I'm aroace as well especially since I love romance and having sex. I didn't like the thought of not being normal even though I know that nobody can be normal. I tried avoid the possibility of me being aroace by you know dating and sex but I know deep down I can't ignore how I really feel. I wanted to be able to get married and have all that cute romantic stuff. I still want to get married and do anything romance coded. I've been able to come to terms that romantic love isn't the only kind of love out there and platonic love is just as wonderful though sometimes I still doubt. That how I feel isn't wrong or lesser I hope one day you're able to accept yourself and know that how you feel isn't wrong or bad at all. Aven is the only place which accepts me for who I am . So you love sex and romance but no attraction am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Yep! That's right Link to post Share on other sites
AroAceLakshi Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 17 minutes ago, Internetlionboy said: Yep! That's right I understand Link to post Share on other sites
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