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Traveler40

Sexless Vacation

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CBC

I feel like sex might be the only part that I could overlook shitty surroundings for hahaha. Like, temporarily. Because my idea of an actual enjoyable vacation, as a whole, is not slumming it in some shithole. 

 

Which doesn't mean I need five-star hotels, just that if there's no clean, running water or privacy or some degree of physical comfort, we have a problem.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

I guess what I was trying to say was that, for some descendants of those who were affected by the Holocaust, it feels hurtful/alienating to see those whose families weren't affected seeming to blissfully enjoy themselves around the topic, that those who weren't affected by it don't seem aware of how upsetting it could be to see other people smile when discussing the Holocaust, visiting Auschwitz, etc. (I never thought people would do that).

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CBC

Which is why I wouldn't have made that joke, yeah. Despite the valid points that followed regarding physiological arousal.

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anisotrophic
25 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

I would never stay anywhere that has shared anything. This has never even occurred to me.

 

I’m still really confused about this whole topic to be honest. I book the same sort of vacations whether I’m going with my husband, mom, friends, or all of the above.

 

36 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I'm fairly sure Traveler's point was about coming up with places that are so distracting, infantile, and generally awful that they out-awful even in the lack of sex, for the sexual partner in a sexless relationship.

So... I'm with you here @disGraceful, it did seem weird. I guess it could be like @Telecaster68 interprets as some statement about how awful it is to spend time with a partner you don't want to be thinking about, because thinking about them is painful, because it makes you aware of sexual rejection -- something like this.

 

Which places it in a "how do I spend time with someone I don't want to spend time with" category -- that's not really an "asexual" thing, but a "this relationship is painful for me" thing.

 

I interpreted it as another goal: things that might be especially good activities to keep a relationship strong that doesn't have sex (and maybe not romance either). Which is why I gave an answer that I have used when deliberately building relationships in both personal and professional contexts.

 

It's also something I'd like to do with my spouse; I've been suggesting we take a day to ourselves while kids are at daycare/camp.

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Telecaster68

It's not that you don't want to be with them, it's that the point of holidays is to get away from the every day pressures that prevent you from doing more of the things you enjoy, and for sexuals, having sex is really high on that list. Then when you actually go on holiday with your partner, the absence of sex hits extra hard, particularly if your partner has been saying they're too stressed / busy, so you maybe get your hopes up because they'll be relaxed and you have time... and still, they don't want to.

 

You can arrange glorious trips, meals, days out, lazy days, activities... but the thing you most want to happen, isn't going to. Everything is great but not that one thing. 

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anisotrophic
7 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

the absence of sex hits extra hard, particularly if your partner has been saying they're too stressed / busy

I guess... I never had that. Instead I've moved to increasingly infrequent sex once I realized he didn't want it.

 

It feels like what you describe isn't an acceptance of asexuality, on some level?

 

It is super hard to accept in a partner, I appreciate that, I cried my heart out and got tons of comfort and it took many months, it's been a year and a half and I still have my moments.

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skullery
3 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Don't make it Cabin In The Woods. Your libido will be having a big fight with your geekiness over whether you're going to get distracted or not.

I gotta know... What geekiness about Cabin in the Woods? It's Joss Whedon, it's horror tropes, it's well acted...? 

 

It really really bums me out every time I see it that the Gods at the end aren't larger. I want them at least 3x.

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Telecaster68

Well, I'm out of the marriage now so it's academic. I didn't feel like I had much choice over accepting that she didn't want sex, and didn't want to put in more than a nominal effort to compromise. And until I gave up, she would claim to be making efforts, but with no palpable effect, and any followup from me on this constituted pressure, and if there had been any progress in her head, it was now forfeit.

 

It was what it was, and had to be accepted. At the same time, since she was utterly apathetic over adopting any label whatsoever, or doing any research into it (even though she was deeply involved with the local LGBTQ+ community), it wasn't like she was asking to have any particular identity accepted.

 

Even if one entirely accepts the person as asexual, and the relationship as asexual, holidays would still be a particularly stark reminder of what you were missing.

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Telecaster68
5 minutes ago, skullery said:

I gotta know... What geekiness about Cabin in the Woods? It's Joss Whedon, it's horror tropes, it's well acted...? 

 

It really really bums me out every time I see it that the Gods at the end aren't larger. I want them at least 3x.

Have you seen it? I don't want to spoiler it.

 

Oh wait, you have. I thought it was geekily deconstructing narrative conventions of the horror conventions. But then I'm a narrative geek.

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skullery
Just now, Telecaster68 said:

Have you seen it? I don't want to spoiler it.

Many, many times. 😎 

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UnderworldFan1988

Find the biggest open beach in your area and have a picnic with cheese/wine/crackers/grapes. I have done this in the past and it's a wonderful experience!

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CBC

I don't know that that would be conducive to being fine with a sexless vacation for me. Sounds... romantic.

 

I guess drown your disappointment with the wine, though?

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Anthracite_Impreza
7 hours ago, CBC said:

Can I suggest spending a weekend with a bunch of middle aged and elderly British car enthusiasts?

Can I suggest working on and firing steam locomotives? Too tired to be messing about with nether regions after that.

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skullery

Here's a weird little fact... Ive never had sex with a partner on vacation. In my life. 

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CBC

Huh.

 

So, where shall we go on vacation then?

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skullery

Hahahaha nicely done. 😂

 

Now that hotels have modernized I'm sure I could handle it. I used to have so many issues with hotel rooms that it was a no go. 

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CBC
Just now, skullery said:

Hahahaha nicely done. 😂

 

Of course. ;) Pretty much set that one up for me. 

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CBC

You know, it's a funny thing when an asexual site is the reason you end up distracted by sex thoughts. 😎

 

And moving swiftly along... :P 

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skullery

Is it surprising?? Nonstop sex talk? 😂 

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CBC

Well I mean.

 

There's a specificity to this discussion that doesn't always exist. 😂

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Acing It
13 hours ago, Marcin said:

If you go as a couple then anywhere works I guess. If you go alone, you might get comments though... Like, I went once to Egypt, and receptionist at the hotel asked me if I found myself a woman to bring to my room... I was like, what the hell, why in the world I would want some creepy random woman in my room? 😸

Only after discovering asexuality I've realized that people go alone on holidays to find themselves random sex partners... 😸

When I worked in a hotel in the south of France we often had people turning up asking for a 'chambre pour cinq minutes'. It was never ever five minutes of course, but they weren't looking for somewhere to sleep if you know what I mean.

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CBC

Oh that sounds kind of hot.

 

Ahem.

 

I mean uhh... right, no, they were definitely not looking to take a nap.

 

Brb, cold shower.

 

God I'm sorry I always derail these things. 😂

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Acing It
23 minutes ago, CBC said:

Oh that sounds kind of hot. 

 

Ahem.

 

I mean uhh... right, no, they were definitely not looking to take a nap.

 

Brb, cold shower.

 

God I'm sorry I always derail these things. 😂

😂 I wouldn't want to be the person changing the sheets or being next to sleep in that bed, though. 🤢

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CBC

I don't think I'd want to work cleaning hotel rooms, full stop.

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uhtred
9 hours ago, disGraceful said:

Yes... I don’t know about any other sexuals but I’ve never factored sex into my vacation planning. I don’t see what the location has to do with what you do or don’t do in the bedroom.

For me sex seems appropriate to romantic surroundings  It seems the natural fun end to a romantic day. 

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uhtred
7 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

This is a famous study on the subject...

 

Also, I had some of the best, most intense sex I've ever had after watching Midnight Express, for much the same kind of reason.

That could be a little different. Its not that far out of line for someones kink to extend to beatings and rape in a Turkish prison - as a fantasy of course.

 

Kinky gestapo uniforms are fair game as well (and of course terrible experiments by nazi nurses) but real concentration camps?  Nope.     

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Telecaster68
3 minutes ago, uhtred said:

That could be a little different. Its not that far out of line for someones kink to extend to beatings and rape in a Turkish prison - as a fantasy of course.

 

Kinky gestapo uniforms are fair game as well (and of course terrible experiments by nazi nurses) but real concentration camps?  Nope.     

As one of the participants, I can tell you exactly why it was - the film is really emotionally intense. It was nothing as direct as beatings and rape. I think you're taking this a bit literally.

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UnderworldFan1988
3 hours ago, CBC said:

I don't know that that would be conducive to being fine with a sexless vacation for me. Sounds... romantic.

 

I guess drown your disappointment with the wine, though?

I have never heard of wine and disappointment in the same sentence before XD. But in all seriousness red wines make me super giggly and its always a great time regardless! 

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CBC

I can't drink red wine much anymore... I drank bucketloads of it about a decade ago and the smell makes me a bit nauseated now. Used to do a lot of drunk posting on AVEN, lol. Good lord, I've been on this site a long time.

 

Anyway. Despite the lack of desire for wine, I'm getting drunk on Molson Export Ale as we speak, so.

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thylacine
21 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

What is an excellent destination perfectly suited for that sexless couple? 🤔

 

My vote: Disney World

Anywhere, really.  You can just not have sex while you are there, that's all.

Why Disney?

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