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Sexless Vacation

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degenerate

Auschwitz tour

 

I'm sorry

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CBC

Yeah even I wouldn't go there, and making light of things I shouldn't seems to be my forte round here.

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TimeDelay
26 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Honestly for me holidays were amongst the most painful time because it was then that my stbxw's total lack of interest in sex, and weird 'acting as if romantic but being slightly  off' was starkest, and I was away from the other things I'd put in place to distract me somewhat when we were at home.

Yes, this has been my experience. Best destinations for sexless vacations are probably separate ones! Did you or your wife know that she was asexual before she became your xw? Are holidays more enjoyable now?

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Telecaster68
3 minutes ago, degenerate said:

Auschwitz tour

 

I'm sorry

Actually, I could see an Auschwitz tour working as an aphrodisiac, in a weird way. Humans are pretty bad at understanding what their physiological arousal is down to, so it's pretty possible they'd misinterpret raised heartrate from repulsion etc. as sexual arousal, and emotionally, it could be taken as some kind of existential threat, to which many primates and others respond by procreating once the threat is passed; and psychologically, I could understand it sparking sex an affirmation of life and joy in response.

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CBC

That's what horror films are for, imo.

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degenerate
Just now, Telecaster68 said:

Actually, I could see an Auschwitz tour working as an aphrodisiac, in a weird way. Humans are pretty bad at understanding what their physiological arousal is down to, so it's pretty possible they'd misinterpret raised heartrate from repulsion etc. as sexual arousal, and emotionally, it could be taken as some kind of existential threat, to which many primates and others respond by procreating once the threat is passed; and psychologically, I could understand it sparking sex an affirmation of life and joy in response.

The hell?!! I've heard something about this before, though, sex and funerals or something. I should have remembered it. But Auschwitz?!!

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Telecaster68
1 minute ago, TimeDelay said:

Yes, this has been my experience. Best destinations for sexless vacations are probably separate ones! Did you or your wife know that she was asexual before she became your xw? Are holidays more enjoyable now?

She's never explicitly identified as such, just said a whole bunch of things that asexuals say about sex and doesn't really see the point of it. I think when we were first together, the initial NRE and hoping things would be different this time trope sparked some interest in sex for a while, but it died down. This isn't at all uncommon with asexuals apparently. Later, it transpired she viewed sex as just masturbating with someone else's body and for here had absolutely no link to the rest of the relationship. The quote on that was 'it's like going to nightclubs, it's just a thing we don't do any more'.

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Telecaster68
1 minute ago, CBC said:

That's what horror films are for, imo.

And also, an excuse for the girl* to lean in close and you to put your arm round her.

 

*or boy, or trans person, NB, or whatever.

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Telecaster68
2 minutes ago, degenerate said:

The hell?!! I've heard something about this before, though, sex and funerals or something. I should have remembered it. But Auschwitz?!!

It's just speculation whether the horror of Auschwitz would be stronger than those reactions. But all three of those processes do, factually, happen with nonsexual arousal.

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CBC
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

And also, an excuse for the girl* to lean in close and you to put your arm round her.

 

*or boy, or trans person, NB, or whatever.

Yep. Which is apparently precisely why I have some horror film viewing being scheduled for me very soon.

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degenerate
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's just speculation whether the horror of Auschwitz would be stronger than those reactions.

I'm so sure it would be. Had a friend who isn't prone to high emotion who went to Dachau. He was shaken. Auschwitz is know to be worse. I don't think I should ever even go.

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Telecaster68

This is a famous study on the subject...

 

Also, I had some of the best, most intense sex I've ever had after watching Midnight Express, for much the same kind of reason.

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Telecaster68
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

Yep. Which is apparently precisely why I have some horror film viewing being scheduled for me very soon.

Don't make it Cabin In The Woods. Your libido will be having a big fight with your geekiness over whether you're going to get distracted or not.

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degenerate
2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

This seems like the body's way of trying to get a bun in someone's oven because someone is about to die and have no more chances to pass on their DNA.

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CBC
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

Don't make it Cabin In The Woods. Your libido will be having a big fight with your geekiness over whether you're going to get distracted or not.

Noted. If there's one thing that could possibly put up a decent fight, it's the geekiness.

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Telecaster68
7 minutes ago, degenerate said:

This seems like the body's way of trying to get a bun in someone's oven because someone is about to die and have no more chances to pass on their DNA.

Or it's our brain misinterpreting feedback from our body. Either way, clearly it was an evolutionary advantage. But as a species we've spent very little time away from the plains of Africa and our brains haven't caught up and realised getting horny after visiting Auschwitz is in bad taste.

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Telecaster68
8 minutes ago, CBC said:

Noted. If there's one thing that could possibly put up a decent fight, it's the geekiness.

Let's be honest. Regardless of the film, you'll only see about the first ten minutes of it.

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InquisitivePhilosopher
22 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Actually, I could see an Auschwitz tour working as an aphrodisiac, in a weird way...

I'm not sure. Apparently, the news and visitors have reported seeing some people smiling while having photos taken of themselves at Auschwitz.

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/auschwitz-selfies-visitors-posing-railway-poland-a8833746.html

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Telecaster68

Clearly not everyone has an intense reaction to it one way or another.

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degenerate
4 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

I'm not sure. Apparently, the news and visitors have reported seeing some people smiling while having photos taken of themselves at Auschwitz.

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/auschwitz-selfies-visitors-posing-railway-poland-a8833746.html

I feel these photos are ambiguous in emotion and aren't disrespectful. Many people express themselves in ways that seem contradictory to what they mean. Sometimes people have such a hard time dealing with the magnitude of something, they fail to, and respond as if they are making light of the situation, when their intentions may have been good.

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CBC
10 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Let's be honest. Regardless of the film, you'll only see about the first ten minutes of it.

Mm. Background noise at that point, I hope.

 

9 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

I'm not sure. Apparently, the news and visitors have reported seeing some people smiling while having photos taken of themselves at Auschwitz.

That could be two things, really. It could be people being insensitive dicks or it could be a particular type of psychological reaction. For instance, I've smiled or laughed when having to relay bad news to people. I have strange impulses sometimes that I have to suppress so that I don't seem like a psychopath. Turn my head away, or whatever. There's an odd excitement to certain situations. I assume it's another instance of the brain misinterpreting physiological arousal (I don't just mean sexual, obvs).

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Homer van Simpsegem
1 hour ago, disGraceful said:

Yes... I don’t know about any other sexuals but I’ve never factored sex into my vacation planning. I don’t see what the location has to do with what you do or don’t do in the bedroom.

It might be a factor when it comes to accomodation - private (bath)room vs shared (bath)room, overnight travel, that kind of thing - but that's the same regardless of your destination.

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CBC

Lol I'm gonna be paying attention to the bathroom situation regardless of sexytimes. It's a must when you have a psychopathic digestive system.

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Telecaster68

I'm fairly sure Traveler's point was about coming up with places that are so distracting, infantile, and generally awful that they out-awful even in the lack of sex, for the sexual partner in a sexless relationship.

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AceMissBehaving

 

55 minutes ago, CBC said:

In retrospect, it's interesting how much I've never spoken about on the forums here. Always way too complicated (but what aspect of my life isn't...) because I didn't come here simply as the partner of an asexual in the first place.

 

Life is a funny thing.

 

ANYWAY. Moving along.

I actually find your perspectives particularly valuable because of that.

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InquisitivePhilosopher
17 minutes ago, CBC said:

...That could be two things, really. It could be people being insensitive dicks or it could be a particular type of psychological reaction. For instance, I've smiled or laughed when having to relay bad news to people. I have strange impulses sometimes that I have to suppress so that I don't seem like a psychopath. Turn my head away, or whatever. There's an odd excitement to certain situations. I assume it's another instance of the brain misinterpreting physiological arousal (I don't just mean sexual, obvs).

Sure, there's the psychological reaction of smiling when surrounded by something bad. It just gives the impression that those who smile and try to play around on the railroad didn't have family members who were sent to concentration camps.

 

For example, one of my high school history teachers was smiling when he told the entire class that we were all going to watch Schindler's List, saying it was a "great film." Meanwhile, my stomach didn't feel good and I had to stop myself from crying aloud in class while we were shown the movie because some relatives in my family had been sent to camps.

 

And I ended up failing the test on the movie, afterward, partly because I was so upset and couldn't concentrate very well and because there were so many characters (and it was in black and white), that I couldn't keep up with who was who.

 

I already knew about what happened, from my relatives; I didn't need to be forced to watch a graphic film about it for a grade.

 

So, yeah. I've never understood why some people smile, regarding the Holocaust. If I visited Auschwitz, I definitely wouldn't be smiling or trying to balance for fun on its railroad tracks.

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Kimchi Peanut
13 minutes ago, Homer said:

It might be a factor when it comes to accomodation - private (bath)room vs shared (bath)room, overnight travel, that kind of thing - but that's the same regardless of your destination.

I would never stay anywhere that has shared anything. This has never even occurred to me.

 

I’m still really confused about this whole topic to be honest. I book the same sort of vacations whether I’m going with my husband, mom, friends, or all of the above.

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CBC
15 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

I actually find your perspectives particularly valuable because of that.

Hrmm, thanks.

 

It's... yeah it's certainly different from many of the cut-and-dried "I'm here because I'm asexual" or "I'm here because I'm the partner of an asexual" story.

 

I don't know that it's always appreciated by the folks desperate to prove that their physical and psychological troubles have absolutely no connection to the fact that they don't feel sexually inclined, but. (And no, I'm not saying that one can't be unwell and also asexual.) I will always choose to be truthful over providing contextless comfort, though. That's dishonest, and I feel like it can just lead people into further quagmires regarding their identity. There's nothing wrong with being asexual, but there's also nothing wrong with recognising that our struggles can affect our relationship to our own sexuality. Ultimately I just care that people discover what's true for them. I can guarantee you're happier when you do. It's impossible to be mentally well when who you are is being suppressed by something.

 

Anyway. Throw the not-heterosexual thing and the marriage to someone who is asexual into the mix, and it's a complicated story haha. As is every aspect of my existence. :lol: 

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Homer van Simpsegem

I travel on my own 99.8% of the time and I don't really give a damn about shared bathrooms as long as wherever my bed is has got four walls and a roof.

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Kimchi Peanut
3 minutes ago, Homer said:

I travel on my own 99.8% of the time and I don't really give a damn about shared bathrooms as long as wherever my bed is has got four walls and a roof.

I am admittedly high maintenance when it comes to hotels and rentals. If you want a place that would make me not have sex due to location, it’s definitely a motel or hostel.

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