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Sexless Vacation


Traveler40

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Grumpy Alien
3 minutes ago, Homer said:

I travel on my own 99.8% of the time and I don't really give a damn about shared bathrooms as long as wherever my bed is has got four walls and a roof.

I am admittedly high maintenance when it comes to hotels and rentals. If you want a place that would make me not have sex due to location, it’s definitely a motel or hostel.

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I guess what I was trying to say was that, for some descendants of those who were affected by the Holocaust, it feels hurtful/alienating to see those whose families weren't affected seeming to blissfully enjoy themselves around the topic, that those who weren't affected by it don't seem aware of how upsetting it could be to see other people smile when discussing the Holocaust, visiting Auschwitz, etc. (I never thought people would do that).

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anisotrophic
25 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

I would never stay anywhere that has shared anything. This has never even occurred to me.

 

I’m still really confused about this whole topic to be honest. I book the same sort of vacations whether I’m going with my husband, mom, friends, or all of the above.

 

36 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I'm fairly sure Traveler's point was about coming up with places that are so distracting, infantile, and generally awful that they out-awful even in the lack of sex, for the sexual partner in a sexless relationship.

So... I'm with you here @disGraceful, it did seem weird. I guess it could be like @Telecaster68 interprets as some statement about how awful it is to spend time with a partner you don't want to be thinking about, because thinking about them is painful, because it makes you aware of sexual rejection -- something like this.

 

Which places it in a "how do I spend time with someone I don't want to spend time with" category -- that's not really an "asexual" thing, but a "this relationship is painful for me" thing.

 

I interpreted it as another goal: things that might be especially good activities to keep a relationship strong that doesn't have sex (and maybe not romance either). Which is why I gave an answer that I have used when deliberately building relationships in both personal and professional contexts.

 

It's also something I'd like to do with my spouse; I've been suggesting we take a day to ourselves while kids are at daycare/camp.

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anisotrophic
7 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

theï»ż absence of sex hits extra hardï»ż,ï»ż particulaï»żrly if your partner has been saying they're too stresseï»żdï»ż / busy

I guess... I never had that. Instead I've moved to increasingly infrequent sex once I realized he didn't want it.

 

It feels like what you describe isn't an acceptance of asexuality, on some level?

 

It is super hard to accept in a partner, I appreciate that, I cried my heart out and got tons of comfort and it took many months, it's been a year and a half and I still have my moments.

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3 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Don't make it Cabin In The Woods. Your libido will be having a big fight with your geekiness over whether you're going to get distracted or not.

I gotta know... What geekiness about Cabin in the Woods? It's Joss Whedon, it's horror tropes, it's well acted...? 

 

It really really bums me out every time I see it that the Gods at the end aren't larger. I want them at least 3x.

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Hylethilei

Find the biggest open beach in your area and have a picnic with cheese/wine/crackers/grapes. I have done this in the past and it's a wonderful experience!

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Anthracite_Impreza
7 hours ago, CBC said:

Can I suggest spending a weekend with a bunch of middle aged and elderly British car enthusiasts?

Can I suggest working on and firing steam locomotives? Too tired to be messing about with nether regions after that.

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Hahahaha nicely done. 😂

 

Now that hotels have modernized I'm sure I could handle it. I used to have so many issues with hotel rooms that it was a no go. 

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13 hours ago, Marcin said:

If you go as a couple then anywhere works I guess. If you go alone, you might get comments though... Like, I went once to Egypt, and receptionist at the hotel asked me if I found myself a woman to bring to my room... I was like, what the hell, why in the world I would want some creepy random woman in my room? 😾

Only after discovering asexuality I've realized that people go alone on holidays to find themselves random sex partners... 😾

When I worked in a hotel in the south of France we often had people turning up asking for a 'chambre pour cinq minutes'. It was never ever five minutes of course, but they weren't looking for somewhere to sleep if you know what I mean.

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23 minutes ago, CBC said:

Oh that sounds kind of hot. ï»ż

 

Ahem.

 

I mean uhh... right, no, they were definitely not looking to take a nap.

 

Brb, cold shower.

 

God I'm sorry I always derail these things. 😂

😂 I wouldn't want to be the person changing the sheets or being next to sleep in that bed, though. đŸ€ą

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9 hours ago, disGraceful said:

Yes... I don’t know about any other sexuals but I’ve never factored sex into my vacation planning. I don’t see what the location has to do with what you do or don’t do in the bedroom.

For me sex seems appropriate to romantic surroundings  It seems the natural fun end to a romantic day. 

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7 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

This is a famous study on the subject...

 

Also, I had some of the best, most intense sex I've ever had after watching Midnight Express, for much the same kind of reason.

That could be a little different. Its not that far out of line for someones kink to extend to beatings and rape in a Turkish prison - as a fantasy of course.

 

Kinky gestapo uniforms are fair game as well (and of course terrible experiments by nazi nurses) but real concentration camps?  Nope.     

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Hylethilei
3 hours ago, CBC said:

I don't know that that would be conducive to being fine with a sexless vacation for me. Sounds... romantic.

 

I guess drown your disappointment with the wine, though?

I have never heard of wine and disappointment in the same sentence before XD. But in all seriousness red wines make me super giggly and its always a great time regardless! 

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21 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

What is an excellent destination perfectly suited for that sexless couple?Â đŸ€”

 

My vote: Disney World

Anywhere, really.  You can just not have sex while you are there, that's all.

Why Disney?

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Grumpy Alien
4 minutes ago, thylacine said:

Anywhere, really.  You can just not have sex while you are there, that's all.

Why Disney?

I agree - Why Disney? I’ve had sex in Disney and my honeymoon is in a Disney location... there’s even weddings at Disney!

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anisotrophic

Maybe if sexlessness is seen as immature?

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Traveler40
1 hour ago, thylacine said:

Why Disney?

First of all, good Lord this thread took a few turns whilst I was out stomping around today. Hilarious crowd! Thanks for the entertainment.  Oh, and no horror films, no Auschwitz, just 😳 for either of those. Lastly, hopefully the couple that needs to find a vacation and “5 minutes in a room” get to that STAT; You know who you are!

 

So, my family is actually on vacation at the moment, and I declare first hand that it’s an excellent vacation destination for the sexless (mixed) marriage.  It’s mindless, exhausting, hot and wet in all the wrong ways, childish and dawn to dusk unsexy everything.

 

Anyhow, last night, as I was resting my weary đŸŸ, I was reflecting on just how perfect Disney was as a vacation destination for the sexless mixed marriage.  Sex is a non-event here.

 

However, Tele’s line, “That’s why you have the sex first”, gave me pause. Yeah, that.  What I wouldn’t give for THAT. 

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anisotrophic
48 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

It’s mindless, exhausting, hot and wet in all the wrong ways, childish and dawn to dusk unsexy everything.


Haha! Personally I think any "vacation" involving children has epic airquotes.

(Which is why I want us to take a day *without* the kids, I love them, but... yeah.)

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18 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

. I think about ways to spend time together where I can talk while sharing enjoyment of something.

 

Visiting a museum and talking while going through it is nice. So is visiting/experiencing other cultural & historic thingsï»żï»żï»żï»żï»żï»ż

I remember A work colleague of mine enjoys people watching on holidays, just go to a cafe and watch people as they go by and talk. It is important thing to spend time together.

 

In the novel the polyglot lovers by lina Wolff, the narrator of the second part Max goes with his wife to holiday home. A lot of the narration about his wife is dissatisfaction about how they don't have sex whatsoever (maybe she's asexual but I don't think we get to know her enough) but in one part, the suggests visiting an island or inviting friends over to which as she had a lot of gardening to do and books to read on holiday, she wants to "live parralel lives", "she'd be grateful" which really isn't idea of going on holiday together.

 

From the narrative, you really get the sense of frustration in that his wife doesn't want to spend time on holiday with him.

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