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Sexless Vacation


Traveler40

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Traveler40

What is an excellent destination perfectly suited for that sexless couple? 🤔

 

My vote: Disney World

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Grumpy Alien

What does sex have to do with vacationing?

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Galactic Turtle

Anywhere that's not a sex dungeon I suppose! 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Nürburgring.

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AceMissBehaving

Any vacation is a sexless vacation if you believe in yourself!

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RakshaTheCat

If you go as a couple then anywhere works I guess. If you go alone, you might get comments though... Like, I went once to Egypt, and receptionist at the hotel asked me if I found myself a woman to bring to my room... I was like, what the hell, why in the world I would want some creepy random woman in my room? 😸

Only after discovering asexuality I've realized that people go alone on holidays to find themselves random sex partners... 😸

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If both of you are happy being sexless, it doesn't matter - anywhere you would otherwise enjoy is fine

 

If one of you wishes you had an active sex life, then avoid "romantic" destinations.   As the sexual person in a mixed relationship I have a memory of a long list of fantastically romantic locations we've traveled, were I spent much of the time feeling frustrated and rejected.

 

If you are in my situation, good places are:  Physically strenuous - hiking, skiing etc.  Difficult,  low-tech:  poor but interesting countries that don't have fancy tourist facilities. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Marcin said:

If you go as a couple then anywhere works I guess. If you go alone, you might get comments though... Like, I went once to Egypt, and receptionist at the hotel asked me if I found myself a woman to bring to my room... I was like, what the hell, why in the world I would want some creepy random woman in my room? 😸

Only after discovering asexuality I've realized that people go alone on holidays to find themselves random sex partners... 😸

It's more likely that the receptionist made a little side income by procuring sex partners for the hotel's guests.  

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5 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

What is an excellent destination perfectly suited for that sexless couple? 🤔

 

My vote: Disney World

Like Uhtred I find it challenging to spend time in 'romantic' places so I can see how Disney World might be manageable, possibly. It'd be easier to focus on our children's enjoyment somewhere like that I think.

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I don't see how asexuality would factor in :huh: Go anywhere you want, don't have sex and you got yourself a sexless vacation.

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Traveler40
1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

Jarvis Cocker

Yeah, just kinda stopped there....😂

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Traveler40

Totally. It’s a byproduct of dreams I suppose. God, so funny though! 😬

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Traveler40

Go Jarvis, go?

 

Edit: Scratch that, I forget myself and where I post.  Sexless vacations - sadly, it’s a thing! 🙃

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maybe a very tiring holiday where you are out all day doing stuff so you don't have time to think about the sex

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Just now, Traveler40 said:

Go Jarvis, go?

 

Edit: Scratch that, I forget myself and where I post.  Sexless vacations - sadly, it’s a thing! 🙃

After only spending a week perusing this site and ILIASM I'm realising that there definitely is a 'time and place' for my own need for/response to humour. After spending so many years keeping quiet about my sexless marriage the irreverence over on ILIASM is doing very good things for my soul! Of course I want to understand my husband better and respect him, if he decides he is asexual.  However, it has also been helpful to find other's in similar relationships to me who 'get it' and can make me giggle despite the heartache. AVEN is helpful for the factual stuff around asexuality but I have to confess that for me, right now, ILIASM is much better craic and I need that as much as sex 😉

 

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Make it about time with the kids, so Disney, esp if accommodations sort of prevent opportunity 😕, oops, I mean, give you plenty of time to be close to the kids.  

 

Other ideas, beach house or lake house, maybe invite grandparent(s)/aunts/uncles/ cousins, great time for kids to get to know other family  *

 

Or camping trip on a lake or mountain stream/river.  Invite another family. *

 

*Theme being having other adults to hang with.

 

Or anything like those that can maybe become a family tradition...great way to bond with your kids and make sure they become adult friends...maybe the tradition would be able to continue when they are grown. (We are very fortunate to have that with both our kids).

 

Most of all...its your vacation so find a way to not worry about life's headaches (including the title of this thread)...play hard or relax well, or my preference is some of both!

 

Good luck finding your destination!

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Grumpy Alien
3 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

For most people, holidays are an opportunity to have more time to do the things they enjoy. 

Yes... I don’t know about any other sexuals but I’ve never factored sex into my vacation planning. I don’t see what the location has to do with what you do or don’t do in the bedroom.

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anisotrophic
2 hours ago, iff said:

maybe a very tiring holiday where you are out all day doing stuff so you don't have time to think about the sex

Yeah my initial thought was hiking.

 

Disney world and things that are crowded and loud make it hard to talk to each other. I think about ways to spend time together where I can talk while sharing enjoyment of something.

 

Visiting a museum and talking while going through it is nice. So is visiting/experiencing other cultural & historic things.

 

6 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

Yes... I don’t know about any other sexuals but I’ve never factored sex into my vacation planning.

Me neither but I think I took the question to mean "are there vacation activities that strengthen the relationship, given sexual intimacy is off the table?" (And potentially romantic & physical affection -- I have those in my relationship, thankfully, and I can only imagine how unhappy that absence is.)

 

I think something with shared enjoyment and opportunity for conversation is good for relationship building. Visiting museums is something I have deliberately done with others with this purpose (ie team building activity).

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26 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Honestly for me holidays were amongst the most painful time because it was then that my stbxw's total lack of interest in sex, and weird 'acting as if romantic but being slightly  off' was starkest, and I was away from the other things I'd put in place to distract me somewhat when we were at home.

Yes, this has been my experience. Best destinations for sexless vacations are probably separate ones! Did you or your wife know that she was asexual before she became your xw? Are holidays more enjoyable now?

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degenerate
Just now, Telecaster68 said:

Actually, I could see an Auschwitz tour working as an aphrodisiac, in a weird way. Humans are pretty bad at understanding what their physiological arousal is down to, so it's pretty possible they'd misinterpret raised heartrate from repulsion etc. as sexual arousal, and emotionally, it could be taken as some kind of existential threat, to which many primates and others respond by procreating once the threat is passed; and psychologically, I could understand it sparking sex an affirmation of life and joy in response.

The hell?!! I've heard something about this before, though, sex and funerals or something. I should have remembered it. But Auschwitz?!!

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degenerate
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's just speculation whether the horror of Auschwitz would be stronger than those reactions.

I'm so sure it would be. Had a friend who isn't prone to high emotion who went to Dachau. He was shaken. Auschwitz is know to be worse. I don't think I should ever even go.

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22 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Actually, I could see an Auschwitz tour working as an aphrodisiac, in a weird way...

I'm not sure. Apparently, the news and visitors have reported seeing some people smiling while having photos taken of themselves at Auschwitz.

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/auschwitz-selfies-visitors-posing-railway-poland-a8833746.html

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degenerate
4 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

I'm not sure. Apparently, the news and visitors have reported seeing some people smiling while having photos taken of themselves at Auschwitz.

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/auschwitz-selfies-visitors-posing-railway-poland-a8833746.html

I feel these photos are ambiguous in emotion and aren't disrespectful. Many people express themselves in ways that seem contradictory to what they mean. Sometimes people have such a hard time dealing with the magnitude of something, they fail to, and respond as if they are making light of the situation, when their intentions may have been good.

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1 hour ago, disGraceful said:

Yes... I don’t know about any other sexuals but I’ve never factored sex into my vacation planning. I don’t see what the location has to do with what you do or don’t do in the bedroom.

It might be a factor when it comes to accomodation - private (bath)room vs shared (bath)room, overnight travel, that kind of thing - but that's the same regardless of your destination.

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AceMissBehaving

 

55 minutes ago, CBC said:

In retrospect, it's interesting how much I've never spoken about on the forums here. Always way too complicated (but what aspect of my life isn't...) because I didn't come here simply as the partner of an asexual in the first place.

 

Life is a funny thing.

 

ANYWAY. Moving along.

I actually find your perspectives particularly valuable because of that.

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17 minutes ago, CBC said:

...That could be two things, really. It could be people being insensitive dicks or it could be a particular type of psychological reaction. For instance, I've smiled or laughed when having to relay bad news to people. I have strange impulses sometimes that I have to suppress so that I don't seem like a psychopath. Turn my head away, or whatever. There's an odd excitement to certain situations. I assume it's another instance of the brain misinterpreting physiological arousal (I don't just mean sexual, obvs).

Sure, there's the psychological reaction of smiling when surrounded by something bad. It just gives the impression that those who smile and try to play around on the railroad didn't have family members who were sent to concentration camps.

 

For example, one of my high school history teachers was smiling when he told the entire class that we were all going to watch Schindler's List, saying it was a "great film." Meanwhile, my stomach didn't feel good and I had to stop myself from crying aloud in class while we were shown the movie because some relatives in my family had been sent to camps.

 

And I ended up failing the test on the movie, afterward, partly because I was so upset and couldn't concentrate very well and because there were so many characters (and it was in black and white), that I couldn't keep up with who was who.

 

I already knew about what happened, from my relatives; I didn't need to be forced to watch a graphic film about it for a grade.

 

So, yeah. I've never understood why some people smile, regarding the Holocaust. If I visited Auschwitz, I definitely wouldn't be smiling or trying to balance for fun on its railroad tracks.

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Grumpy Alien
13 minutes ago, Homer said:

It might be a factor when it comes to accomodation - private (bath)room vs shared (bath)room, overnight travel, that kind of thing - but that's the same regardless of your destination.

I would never stay anywhere that has shared anything. This has never even occurred to me.

 

I’m still really confused about this whole topic to be honest. I book the same sort of vacations whether I’m going with my husband, mom, friends, or all of the above.

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I travel on my own 99.8% of the time and I don't really give a damn about shared bathrooms as long as wherever my bed is has got four walls and a roof.

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