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UnderworldFan1988

How do I tell someone I am asexual that I have a have a crush with?

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UnderworldFan1988

Best friend was a way to easy to come out to, 100% supportive in every way... but this is much much different and would like some advice from people who have been in the same situation. Thanks!

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anisotrophic

@UnderworldFan1988 why do you want to tell them?

 

Asexuality is pretty low on the "need to come out" generally speaking because it doesn't affect most people, they'll never see anything different.

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UnderworldFan1988
19 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

@UnderworldFan1988 why do you want to tell them?

 

Asexuality is pretty low on the "need to come out" generally speaking because it doesn't affect most people, they'll never see anything different.

I want to tell them so that they don't get confused about my intentions with them is all. 

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Morgan123

It depends. Starting off like you would do anyone else can help ie. “I’m asexual. This means that I don’t experience sexual attraction/ I don’t desire sex or whatever definition suits you.”

 

If you have told them/ will tell them about your crush and are talking about having a relationship, I can’t think of anything except flat out stating what that will mean as you need to be on the same page. For example, if you don’t want sex at all, just say “I don’t want sex at all. You can’t make me want sex and you need to respect that.” 

 

Sorry if that isn’t helpful- I’m not good with the flowery language side of things. Essentially, if you decide to have a relationship, you both need to clearly state your boundaries and make sure you both understand what that will mean.

 

Good luck! 

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R2_3P0

If this helps, when I came out to my friend-who-I-also-like-and-likes-me-too (not together but that's another story), I just flat out said it. Beating around the bush won't do anything for you except potentially cause misunderstandings. I said mine over text (only cause I don't see him often) and we had a great conversation. He knows where I stand and though he's allo, he respects me and that I'm not interested in sex.

 

We also compromise with things like hugging and cuddling and things like that. If I'm ever uncomfortable, all I have to do is tell him and he'll stop.

 

I'm sharing this so if you do end up in a relationship with them or someone in the future, it's important for you to voice your comfort level and to set boundaries. And it is possible to find someone who respects you and will never make you feel obligated to do anything you don't want. 

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UnderworldFan1988
2 hours ago, Morgan123 said:

It depends. Starting off like you would do anyone else can help ie. “I’m asexual. This means that I don’t experience sexual attraction/ I don’t desire sex or whatever definition suits you.”

 

If you have told them/ will tell them about your crush and are talking about having a relationship, I can’t think of anything except flat out stating what that will mean as you need to be on the same page. For example, if you don’t want sex at all, just say “I don’t want sex at all. You can’t make me want sex and you need to respect that.” 

 

Sorry if that isn’t helpful- I’m not good with the flowery language side of things. Essentially, if you decide to have a relationship, you both need to clearly state your boundaries and make sure you both understand what that will mean.

 

Good luck! 

No, it is helpful! Thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts on the matter! Truly! 

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UnderworldFan1988
 
 
 
2 hours ago, R2_3P0 said:

Beating around the bush won't do anything for you except potentially cause misunderstandings.

This is a lesson I just keep forgetting over and over again. T.T

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•◡•

I need advice on this too. My current idea is to just start wearing an ace ring and hope she asks about it. Otherwise I might actually have to tell her which scares me

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•◡•

If you're still looking for advice here's something you could use: 

 

 

Also I did tell my crush. She was very supportive. Aaaaaa she's so nice to me

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Philip027
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How do I tell someone I am asexual that I have a have a crush with?

First of all, I recommend refining your statements so that they actually make grammatical sense.  Otherwise you will likely leave them very very confused, like I am.

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