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argar

45 Non-Sexual Physically Intimate Actions

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CBC

Lol...

 

"19. Take pictures of her when she’s not looking and show them to her after."

 

Do not do this or I may kill you. 😂

 

(I assume women who don't find themselves repulsive to look at may feel differently...?)

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Dragonite

"29. Teach her how to play a musical instrument that you’re good at playing."

 

Through humiliation (See, Whiplash), probably is not the way to do #29.

 

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CBC

:huh: 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Some of these seem a bit... non consensual...

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Skullery Maid
20 minutes ago, Dragonite said:

 

Through humiliation (See, Whiplash), probably is not the way to do #29.

 

That was a great movie. 

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CBC

Oh is that a movie reference? That's why I don't get it lol.

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Skullery Maid

It is.

 

And I think #19 sounds fun. 😎

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CBC
20 minutes ago, skullery said:

And I think #19 sounds fun. 😎

Hrmm. You have a death wish then, huh?

 

At least I, too, have a camera. And will retaliate. Probs whilst you're sleeping or something. 😎

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uhtred
1 hour ago, CBC said:

Lol...

 

"19. Take pictures of her when she’s not looking and show them to her after."

 

Do not do this or I may kill you. 😂

 

(I assume women who don't find themselves repulsive to look at may feel differently...?)

Agree in my case and I'm male and don't consider myself repulsive.  (@CBC I strongly doubt you are either). 

 

There are some situations where "candid" picture are OK, you have to be really careful, especially when people are shy.   People can feel funny about strange things.  My wife took a photo of me at a beach resort when I was wearing less than I normally do,and posted it to FB. To normal people, my clothes would have been fine but I have a strange hangup about being at all under-clothed in the presence of anyone but my wife.  

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CBC
3 minutes ago, uhtred said:

Agree in my case and I'm male and don't consider myself repulsive.  (@CBC I strongly doubt you are either). 

Possibly not haha, I'm admittedly a bad judge of that.

 

But yeah, I understand very well. I'm riddled with insecurities and negative feelings about myself that can cause full-on mental health meltdowns, so something like posting photos on social media without my permission would be a big nope.

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Skullery Maid
6 minutes ago, CBC said:

Hrmm. You have a death wish then, huh?

 

At least I, too, have a camera. And will retaliate. Probs whilst you're sleeping or something. 😎

That's fine. I need to prove myself after your post: "Like... knowing who you'd be into can include personality stuff, right? Since I have no physical type other than please have decent personal hygiene and don't be super duper icky looking."

 

You guys, I'm totally cute. 😂

 

 

 

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argar

Aside from my Larping stuff, yeah, in general I try to be as invisible as possible in social media.

 

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CBC
5 minutes ago, skullery said:

That's fine. I need to prove myself after your post: "Like... knowing who you'd be into can include personality stuff, right? Since I have no physical type other than please have decent personal hygiene and don't be super duper icky looking."

 

You guys, I'm totally cute. 😂

 

Lol, well-played. Thank you. 🙄😂

 

(She's right though, she is. I swear it.)

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CBC

Also I read number 41 as "Let her taste your FOOT at a restaurant by feeding her directly"... 😐

 

(And no thank you to public feeding? That sounds really awkward. 😂)

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Serran

#20 

 

I have curly hair. It has new knots in 5 minutes after brushing and if you touch it, it will frizz to electrocuted on TV levels of poofed out ick. So if you do that I will probably slap you away. 

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anisotrophic

This article's title, and content, are a hilariously heteronormative stereotype.

 

Men listen up, you have been trained to be emotionally messed up so you don't know how to hug a child or anything like that. Haha. You're basically a robot, see, so here's a list of creepy things you could try to do to pretend to have emotions.

 

Let's. Start. With. Hair. Hair!

 

Hair is the most important affectionate object in the human body, bar none. Get your hands in that thing and start affectioning it up. *Breath* on it. Be the hair.

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Skullery Maid
1 minute ago, anisotrophic said:

 

Hair is the most important affectionate object in the human body, bar none. Get your hands in that thing and start affectioning it up. *Breath* on it. Be the hair.

Am I... am I a man?? I do all those things. :ph34r:

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anisotrophic

This list is so messed up. How are 5 and 6 not sexual? Would you do 6 with a child you love? Uhhhhh look I ... Yeah. Whatever. Physical affection is absolutely possible to be non-sexual about but this list is just weird. Some is non-sexual. But a lot of it is very sexual flirtation.

 

I am very physically affectionate with my partner and it's not stuff I'm unable to do with my kids. So... 🤷‍♀️

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NordicNoir

I am extremely ticklish and will kill anyone who tries to have a ”tickle fight” with me. 

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Serran
4 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

This list is so messed up. How are 5 and 6 not sexual? Would you do 6 with a child you love? Uhhhhh look I ... Yeah. Whatever. Physical affection is absolutely possible to be non-sexual about but this list is just weird. Some is non-sexual. But a lot of it is very sexual flirtation.

 

I am very physically affectionate with my partner and it's not stuff I'm unable to do with my kids. So... 🤷‍♀️

Yeah I was looking at some of them going "uh... not sexual? In what universe?"

 

Like taking a bath together... thats likely either a post-sex or lead up to sex activity in most couples I know. If its not sexual, practically, I much prefer bathing solo thanks. 

 

Helping her out of her clothes... why if not sexual? I can undress myself. If its not turning either of us on, its a lot easier too. Unless its a dress that has an annoying cant get into or out of it with one person setup (why do they make these?) In which case.. it isnt intimate, just annoyingly needed. 

 

 

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Philip027

A lot of the things on this list that people say are typically sexual (and hell, they're probably right) my partner and I do, but for us it isn't sexual in the least.  Not one out of the 45 feels inherently sexual to me (although some of them definitely cross lines of discomfort for me, such as the one involving taking pictures of the other with them being unaware).  All comes down to intent behind the act, as usual.

 

If you ask me, the primary reason why a number of these are viewed as sexual acts is because they're being determined that way by sexual people.

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Telecaster68

Wtf? Those are all just 'coupley' things to me and a relationship without most of them would be deeply uncomfortable. In fact, that relationship was my marriage, and it *was* deeply uncomfortable. 

 

Actually I do think some men need to have that kind of thing explained to them, and probably some women too. I'm thinking of the number of posts I've seen here and elsewhere about men who only touch their female partners when they want sex, or to 'hilariously' honk their boobies. 

 

ETA

 

None of them, or even all of them together, would come close to being an acceptable substitute for sex, for me though. 

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anisotrophic

Hand around me, sure. That's physical affection. Hand on my lower back? That's a sexual flirtation.

 

Anything here I do with my kids is stuff my partner and I are also likely to do. I cuddle with the kids when we're in bed together and my partner and I cuddle a ton too. Hold hands, share clothes when cold, dancing together, kiss on cheek, physical playfulness. Sure sure sure.

 

I do not grab my child's hair in the middle of a make out session. I don't put my hand on their *lower* back. That's sexual activity.

 

My children get a lot of this my partner probably won't just because, uh... maturity? We don't pretend to be babies? We aren't into being tickled? I'm helping them with their clothes and sometimes baths, but there's no reason on Earth -- as @Serran says -- that I'd want to share a bath (due to space and scheduling) or be undressed by a partner (unless I'm like "help I'm trapped by my binder") in the absence of sexual flirtation.

 

This list is a mess because it's mixing sexual stuff with non-sexual stuff and adding game stuff (acting childish) that I've never done with any partner.

 

This isn't a substitute for sex, but it makes me feel loved -- communicate love -- with my partner and children both. The sex, ah well, if he ever does offer then I'm liable to say yes (he offers by pushing the right buttons, he knows what'll arouse me) but otherwise, meh. I would rather not pursue guaranteed-to-be-mediocre sex. I'll take ten helpings of cuddles and hugs.

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Telecaster68

It's not meant to be for couples where one is trying to avoid anything sexual though. It's aimed at men in a straight relationship who fundamentally don't understand that touch doesn't always have to escalate to sex, but touch being a bit sexual isn't an issue for that couple. Despite some vestigial patriarchal assumptions ('let her go out with her friends' indeed), and not sticking to AVEN's ideas about what constitutes sexual activity, it's not a bad piece. 

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CBC
1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

None of them, or even all of them together, would come close to being an acceptable substitute for sex, for me though.

Oh yeah, no, not a substitute at all. If anyone thinks any of these things would suffice instead, they're nuts.

 

 

8 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

This article's title, and content, are a hilariously heteronormative stereotype.

Haha yeah, no shit. I honestly find the whole thing irritating to read, because it a list of things that are either so basic relationshippy it's like... duh... or they sound super annoying and they'd make me slap someone's hand away and tell them to piss off and leave me alone. And yes, ridiculously heteronormative to the point that even if I was in a relationship with a guy, I would want to gag from some of them.

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Philip027
Quote

I do not grab my child's hair in the middle of a make out session. I don't put my hand on their *lower* back. That's sexual activity.

Ehh, I think there is some area between "stuff you wouldn't do with your kids" and "sexual activity" imo

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Serran
5 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Ehh, I think there is some area between "stuff you wouldn't do with your kids" and "sexual activity" imo

Agree. Hand on lower back for me wouldn't be sexual at all. Romantic gestures can exist without sexual ones. If my line on what I do with my spouse without it being sexually involved was "what you would do with a kid", it wouldn't feel like a relationship at all... even if we removed sex stuff (which atm we have, cause she is in a no sexual stuff phase which can last a while, it potentially could be 4-5 months before we are sexual again, or longer). Romantic gestures are not inherently sexual, it depends on who is performing and receiving them. Our flirting does change a little when the relationship goes non-sexual, but it still is a lot I wouldn't do with a kid. 

 

I just don't see a point in being undressed by someone else if it isn't sexual. Like... I am not a kid, I can undress myself. So, help her out of her clothes sounds annoying as a romantic gesture. I mean, my wife does at times steal my towel or shirt without it leading to anything really sexual, but that is playing around and not really "helping me out of my clothes". 

 

And bathing together is simply gross and annoying. I don't see watching my spouse scrub her butt as romantic or intimate. And I prefer to not be watched as I try to get all the proper hygiene things done in an actual bath situation. Plus, another person gets in the way and is just all around annoying. And if you are turning it into a romantic candlelit not really getting clean thing... I bet its going to make one of you want sex if you're sexual. 

 

I dunno. Some of the things on the list in every relationship I have ever been in or known would be a sexual initiation, or foreplay thing. Not an intimate activity on its own. 

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Telecaster68

Yeah um... Having a bath together isn't actually about getting clean. It's about getting wet and naked. 

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CBC
5 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Yeah um... Having a bath together isn't actually about getting clean. It's about getting wet and naked. 

giphy.gif

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