Jump to content

45 Non-Sexual Physically Intimate Actions


argar

Recommended Posts

"29. Teach her how to play a musical instrument that you’re good at playing."

 

Through humiliation (See, Whiplash), probably is not the way to do #29.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza

Some of these seem a bit... non consensual...

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, CBC said:

Lol...

 

"19. Take pictures of her when she’s not looking and show them to her after."

 

Do not do this or I may kill you. 😂

 

(I assume women who don't find themselves repulsive to look at may feel differently...?)

Agree in my case and I'm male and don't consider myself repulsive.  (@CBC I strongly doubt you are either). 

 

There are some situations where "candid" picture are OK, you have to be really careful, especially when people are shy.   People can feel funny about strange things.  My wife took a photo of me at a beach resort when I was wearing less than I normally do,and posted it to FB. To normal people, my clothes would have been fine but I have a strange hangup about being at all under-clothed in the presence of anyone but my wife.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, CBC said:

Hrmm. You have a death wish then, huh?

 

At least I, too, have a camera. And will retaliate. Probs whilst you're sleeping or something. 😎

That's fine. I need to prove myself after your post: "Like... knowing who you'd be into can include personality stuff, right? Since I have no physical type other than please have decent personal hygiene and don't be super duper icky looking."

 

You guys, I'm totally cute. 😂

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Aside from my Larping stuff, yeah, in general I try to be as invisible as possible in social media.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

#20 

 

I have curly hair. It has new knots in 5 minutes after brushing and if you touch it, it will frizz to electrocuted on TV levels of poofed out ick. So if you do that I will probably slap you away. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
anisotrophic

This article's title, and content, are a hilariously heteronormative stereotype.

 

Men listen up, you have been trained to be emotionally messed up so you don't know how to hug a child or anything like that. Haha. You're basically a robot, see, so here's a list of creepy things you could try to do to pretend to have emotions.

 

Let's. Start. With. Hair. Hair!

 

Hair is the most important affectionate object in the human body, bar none. Get your hands in that thing and start affectioning it up. *Breath* on it. Be the hair.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, anisotrophic said:

 

Hair is the most important affectionate object in the human body, bar none. Get your hands in that thing and start affectioning it up. *Breath* on it. Be the hair.

Am I... am I a man?? I do all those things. :ph34r:

Link to post
Share on other sites
anisotrophic

This list is so messed up. How are 5 and 6 not sexual? Would you do 6 with a child you love? Uhhhhh look I ... Yeah. Whatever. Physical affection is absolutely possible to be non-sexual about but this list is just weird. Some is non-sexual. But a lot of it is very sexual flirtation.

 

I am very physically affectionate with my partner and it's not stuff I'm unable to do with my kids. So... 🤷‍♀️

Link to post
Share on other sites
NordicNoir

I am extremely ticklish and will kill anyone who tries to have a ”tickle fight” with me. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

This list is so messed up. How are 5 and 6 not sexual? Would you do 6 with a child you love? Uhhhhh look I ... Yeah. Whatever. Physical affection is absolutely possible to be non-sexual about but this list is just weird. Some is non-sexual. But a lot of it is very sexual flirtation.

 

I am very physically affectionate with my partner and it's not stuff I'm unable to do with my kids. So... 🤷‍♀️

Yeah I was looking at some of them going "uh... not sexual? In what universe?"

 

Like taking a bath together... thats likely either a post-sex or lead up to sex activity in most couples I know. If its not sexual, practically, I much prefer bathing solo thanks. 

 

Helping her out of her clothes... why if not sexual? I can undress myself. If its not turning either of us on, its a lot easier too. Unless its a dress that has an annoying cant get into or out of it with one person setup (why do they make these?) In which case.. it isnt intimate, just annoyingly needed. 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

A lot of the things on this list that people say are typically sexual (and hell, they're probably right) my partner and I do, but for us it isn't sexual in the least.  Not one out of the 45 feels inherently sexual to me (although some of them definitely cross lines of discomfort for me, such as the one involving taking pictures of the other with them being unaware).  All comes down to intent behind the act, as usual.

 

If you ask me, the primary reason why a number of these are viewed as sexual acts is because they're being determined that way by sexual people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
anisotrophic

Hand around me, sure. That's physical affection. Hand on my lower back? That's a sexual flirtation.

 

Anything here I do with my kids is stuff my partner and I are also likely to do. I cuddle with the kids when we're in bed together and my partner and I cuddle a ton too. Hold hands, share clothes when cold, dancing together, kiss on cheek, physical playfulness. Sure sure sure.

 

I do not grab my child's hair in the middle of a make out session. I don't put my hand on their *lower* back. That's sexual activity.

 

My children get a lot of this my partner probably won't just because, uh... maturity? We don't pretend to be babies? We aren't into being tickled? I'm helping them with their clothes and sometimes baths, but there's no reason on Earth -- as @Serran says -- that I'd want to share a bath (due to space and scheduling) or be undressed by a partner (unless I'm like "help I'm trapped by my binder") in the absence of sexual flirtation.

 

This list is a mess because it's mixing sexual stuff with non-sexual stuff and adding game stuff (acting childish) that I've never done with any partner.

 

This isn't a substitute for sex, but it makes me feel loved -- communicate love -- with my partner and children both. The sex, ah well, if he ever does offer then I'm liable to say yes (he offers by pushing the right buttons, he knows what'll arouse me) but otherwise, meh. I would rather not pursue guaranteed-to-be-mediocre sex. I'll take ten helpings of cuddles and hugs.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

I do not grab my child's hair in the middle of a make out session. I don't put my hand on their *lower* back. That's sexual activity.

Ehh, I think there is some area between "stuff you wouldn't do with your kids" and "sexual activity" imo

Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Ehh, I think there is some area between "stuff you wouldn't do with your kids" and "sexual activity" imo

Agree. Hand on lower back for me wouldn't be sexual at all. Romantic gestures can exist without sexual ones. If my line on what I do with my spouse without it being sexually involved was "what you would do with a kid", it wouldn't feel like a relationship at all... even if we removed sex stuff (which atm we have, cause she is in a no sexual stuff phase which can last a while, it potentially could be 4-5 months before we are sexual again, or longer). Romantic gestures are not inherently sexual, it depends on who is performing and receiving them. Our flirting does change a little when the relationship goes non-sexual, but it still is a lot I wouldn't do with a kid. 

 

I just don't see a point in being undressed by someone else if it isn't sexual. Like... I am not a kid, I can undress myself. So, help her out of her clothes sounds annoying as a romantic gesture. I mean, my wife does at times steal my towel or shirt without it leading to anything really sexual, but that is playing around and not really "helping me out of my clothes". 

 

And bathing together is simply gross and annoying. I don't see watching my spouse scrub her butt as romantic or intimate. And I prefer to not be watched as I try to get all the proper hygiene things done in an actual bath situation. Plus, another person gets in the way and is just all around annoying. And if you are turning it into a romantic candlelit not really getting clean thing... I bet its going to make one of you want sex if you're sexual. 

 

I dunno. Some of the things on the list in every relationship I have ever been in or known would be a sexual initiation, or foreplay thing. Not an intimate activity on its own. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza

How do two people even fit in one bath anyway?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

How do two people even fit in one bath anyway?

Easily? 

 

Either one at each end, with legs kind of intertwined or one against the other's lap. 

 

Of course doesn't work if you have a teeny tiny bath tub. I did it in a large tub, the kind with spa jets. 

 

And Tele yeah... my point is for it to not be a turn on (meaning likely a leadup to sex) it would be about cleaning together which is ew and not practical. Else, it seems quite sexual and not good on the list for 99.9% of the people I know. 

3 minutes ago, skullery said:

Skinny dipping is better than baths, imo

Mmm. Nah. Don't like swimming. I will stick to just pouring water over my spouse so she has to strip, or have a very wet shirt clinging to her body for a while, if I want to use water. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza
15 minutes ago, Serran said:

Either one at each end, with legs kind of intertwined or one against the other's lap. 

That sounds so uncomfortable...

 

6 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Thing is, this is the way physical relationships work outside this artificial division of sexual / sensual / aesthetic / whatever that AVEN and certain other academic discourses love. They're just not separate, for any practical purpose. 

It makes sense if you don't experience them all, which by our very nature on here, most of us don't.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza

No but, sexuals can be sensual without it being a sexual thing too. I mean, most people wanna hug their kids or pets or whatever; that's sensual. A heterosexual can see a member of the same gender and appreciate their looks; that's aesthetic. So you guys can tell the difference, they just aren't usually named.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Thing is, this is the way physical relationships work outside this artificial division of sexual / sensual / aesthetic / whatever that AVEN and certain other academic discourses love. They're just not separate, for any practical purpose. 

They are seperate though, for practical purposes, for a lot of "regular" people. 

 

A lot of women I know would love if their husband was more intimate without making it sexual. It is a very, very common complaint that they can't do much without their spouses wanting sex. I listened to probably four hours of just that complaint this last year at work (if you combine it all from all the convos), from all my coworkers. "I wish I could just be closr and intimate with my husband without him leading it to sex all the time". 100% of my female coworkers agreed with that feeling, sharing all the things they wish they could do without sex coming up, just for the romantic intimacy. They separate the sexual and the romantic naturally, to the point their spouses not separating it makes them unhappy. For one woman, it was her #1 complaint about her marriage, everything else she is happy with. 

 

So, things you should try doing for your wife without making it about sex list is a useful idea. A lot of husbands of people I know need them. Their wives feel unloved and objectified quite often, because nothing can just be intimacy without being about sex. And it makes them unhappy not getting romance without sex. The whole "somewhere other than the night" song thing. 

 

But... I am pretty sure a bath together isn't going to be one of the things they don't want to lead to sex. Thats a pretty foreplayey activity, rather than a nice intimate one to make your wife feel loved without feeling like sex is all there is to your love. 

 

So I love the idea of the list. I think romance without sex is important, not just for aces, but for sexuals too. It is something I think more of those wives should be discussing with their husbands, so more articles to make people aware and offer openings to help discuss it is a good thing imo. I just question the addition of a few things on the list. 

 

I mean, I guess some foreplay like things can be without sex leading up and fulfill romantic intimacy needs (a lot of what my wife and I do just playing would count). But, if you need a list to think of things to do without making them sex... maybe leave out those ones, it doesn't fit. 

 

 

@skullery @CBC Glad I could help make an interesting convo. :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

All that is fine, but it's clear from the confusion round that list, there's plenty of situations where the distinctions just can't be made, and certainly aren't in anyone's head. 

True. I certainly experience romance and sensual together, to where I can't imagine romance without our version of intimacy.

 

On that note, #46 Kissing tyres.

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Serran, you're actually saying pretty much the same thing as me - that touch in the small of the back or whatever isn't immediately sexual, but it's not non-sexual either, because its absence lessens sexual attraction for one of the couple. It's also sensual because for most people, being touched by your lover just feels good on your skin, or touching them feels good. I could probably make the same kind of observations about pretty much everything on that list. And I agree with you, it's a good idea for the kind of - mostly - male who thinks all touch has to lead to sex; and for that kind of man, sexual and sensual and aesthetic are intertwined. Honking his wife's boobs is clearly sexual, for him it's sensual because they feel nice in his hand, and aesthetic because he likes to look at them.

 

In both scenarios, sexual, sensual and aesthetic are intertwined. It's sexual because it's sensually pleasant, and aesthetically pleasing because it's sensual, and sexual because (in part) it's aesthetically pleasing - I can't be arsed to work through all the combinations, but you get the picture. This is why regarding them discretely is just unhelpful and inaccurate.

Mm. Well, yes, they are intertwined emotionally. But, they are separate in practical application  in a lot of cases. For example, emotionally, kissing is sexual for that type of person (most likely). But, in practice, there are ways to make kissing non-sexual and more sensual so his wife feels loved and not objectified. Even if he is feeling sexual attraction more strongly during. 

 

So, it is useful to discuss them in seperate terms. And I think more people need to realize they are seperating them naturally, so they can just ask for their own needs. 

 

Though, yeah, dont need to go as far into seperating as discussions here go. But, I think society in general links them too much, leaving people struggling when they want to experience one without the other. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
anisotrophic

I appreciate that people aren't self aware of what is sexual and what isn't, and holistic affection is nice, but I don't think it's all that complicated.

 

This list is rolling a bunch of stuff together and as @Serran says, there's a lot of flirtation and foreplay stuff you simply wouldn't do if it weren't somehow *hoping* for sex, referring to that desire, anticipating it.

 

It was posted on AVEN like it might be helpful for sexuals to, uh, learn what non-sexual affection looks like and I think the list is confusing and overcomplicating this. Just think about the physical affection people have as kids? That's not sexual.

Link to post
Share on other sites

22: .". Whisper sweet nothings into her ear when you’re out together in a group setting."

 

oh please don't. This is annoying and even if you enjoy this sort of attention,  it has no place in a group setting. Distraction. And what are sweet nothings anyway? Nothings.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...