Guest Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Hi there and welcome to aven! As a seasoned asexual, I very much remember joining AVEN. I was confused and kind of didn't really believe asexuality was a real thing and was humouring my friends. To my surprise, I found so many people here whose stories I could identify with and I learnt that it was absolutely fine to not experience sexual attraction. Maybe you're here for the same reasons I came. Maybe you're a person of a certain age realising just now that you might be asexual. Maybe you've known you're asexual for a while or your significant other is. You're welcome here. If you are sex repulsed, indifferent, favourable - your identity is valid. Whether you come here for a few days, or spend many years with us, you have friends here happy to support you through your journey. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with AVENs Terms of Service. And the Questions About Asexuality forum might be a good place to start. You're probably going to get showered with cake a lot. If you have any questions, need advice, have any problems or just fancy a chat feel free to send me a PM. I look forward to seeing you around! Aris Welcome Lounge Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Taszi Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 I've been looking for a place to share my ace experiences for a while which is hard because I rarely openly identify myself. My first ever post about my sexuality comes about from reading articles from other aces which are all different just like with anything else. I just wanted to share that aces come in all varieties so here is some information about me that includes many relationship features that non-ace individuals sometimes wonder: Unlike some others, I do experience sexual attraction...at first at which time my feelings become platonic. I do like cuddles and kisses and hugs and though I am open to sleeping with a potential new partner, the experience is for them as I have just never found the act all that gratifying. Its as if, on a list of cool things to do with another person, sex is in the "meh" category. Sex is a chore and believe me, I have tried to feel any other way about it for my partner's sake to no avail. I do masturbate, I can tell when someone is attractive and I do recognize when someone is great at sex but after dating someone for any length of time, my sexual attraction turns to adoration and I become very affectionate as "Smoking hot" turns to "pretty". I am more attracted to men than women and have traditionally dated feminine guys. As a woman, I prefer the traditional gender roles swapped in my relationships (not a requirement, merely a preference) which has not attracted the right sort of guy at all. I would be okay with dating a woman but if I didn't that would be okay too. And if I were ever to marry, it would ideally be the way things are between my best friend and I. I am not confused, it has taken me years to come to terms with the things I have just shared. I hope that my experiences were insightful and I appreciate being able to share! Thanks, PT Link to post Share on other sites
Starstuff67 Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 I think I am similar in some ways I feel attracted to men and not women but it’s more aesthetic than sexual. I am mostly attracted to personality rather than physical stuff. I like looking at pretty men and find gay men attractive And I think that’s because I can enjoy their company and know they won’t expect sex from me - but it took me a while to figure this out! I’m happily married to my best friend (who is not in the least bit gay but it took years for me to stop feeling guilty for not wanting sex. When I married because I loved him I didn’t know I was asexual I was a virgin and had never really thought it through. He has been really supportive and I know I’m lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 @Taszi Welcome to AVEN! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's an Osiris Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Welcome @Aris All the best in the new role! Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 On 7/5/2019 at 4:46 AM, Starstuff67 said: I think I am similar in some ways I feel attracted to men and not women but it’s more aesthetic than sexual. I am mostly attracted to personality rather than physical stuff. I like looking at pretty men and find gay men attractive And I think that’s because I can enjoy their company and know they won’t expect sex from me - but it took me a while to figure this out! I’m happily married to my best friend (who is not in the least bit gay but it took years for me to stop feeling guilty for not wanting sex. When I married because I loved him I didn’t know I was asexual I was a virgin and had never really thought it through. He has been really supportive and I know I’m lucky. And here I thought that was just something out of an early Eddie Murphy routine... Link to post Share on other sites
Uncle D Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I am a heterosexual man married to an asexual woman. We love each other very much, but it has been very taxing on me,both emotionally and physically....I'm quite certain ithas had an effect on my wife as well, but still she refuses to acknowledge and accept her asexuality as being what it is.......I came across this site a couple of years ago, but this is the first time I have sought advice and solstice from others, perhaps going through what my wife and I have been. I could go on and on and on about this.....my wife and I will be together forever, but our relationship has changed drastically and in my opinion suffered......I really do appreciate this site being available as a much support mechanism for all who need it......Thank you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Kindnessisneverwrong Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Hi! I am very late in figuring out my sexuality. As I teenager and young adult I found people attractive. I definitely found boys in my class cute but I also knew that I needed to get to know them before a had a romantic attraction to them. I did not realize there was a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Also I grew up as a tom boy always hanging out with my brother and his friends. It was not until college that I started to have female friends. As I got close to some of those friends I would find myself wanting to do things to make them feel special. I remember the first time I met my ex-fiancé not finding him attractive at all but then I got to know him and two years after meeting him and becoming friends I had the irresistible desire to hold his hand. We were together 7 years and I definitely enjoyed being sexual with him. We broke up in 1996 and I have not really dated anybody. I wanted to have children and wanted that special someone and I never had an instant chemistry with someone and I would tell people I need to get to know people first. In 2008 I met this guy on an internet site and we agreed to meet at the top of the Empire State Building and I had all these romantic ideas in my head and although I never had before I decided to have sex on the first date. I remember thinking I am not missing anything. Well between 2008 and 2015 or 2016 I did not have any physical contact with anyone. I met someone who later became a friend around 2012 and our friendship grew and we started hanging out. We decided to go to a broadway show together and we rented a hotel room. She was in a relationship and I did not have any sexual feelings towards her so I did not think anything of sharing a bed with her but as she spooned me I had this desire for her to touch me and I wrote it off as my body was just craving physical touch after going so long with out. I told her about my feelings. After that she would look at me a certain way and I had sensations that I had never experienced before except for when I was physically with someone. It was the first time I was ever introduced to the word demi-sexual. I said no that is not me but over the past couple of years I have started to acknowledge to myself that she might have been right. Everyone in my life cannot understand why I have not found someone and I tell them that is the million dollar question but I think the reason is because I need to feel connected to a person so online dating does not work for me and everyone in my life is part of a couple. I have a lot of wonderful friends in my life and I have lots of little buddies so I definitely have love in my life but I would love to have that special someone. I tried talking to a friend and she said you are not demi-sexual. I felt dismissed and feel like if she was not open to the conversation and do not know anyone else in my circle who would be so I feel alone with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Madderhatter Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Happy to be here. glad this community exist. MH~ Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted December 6, 2019 Share Posted December 6, 2019 @Madderhatter A very belated welcome to AVEN! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Wonderland" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/179062-wonderland-1 Link to post Share on other sites
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