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Snao van der Cone

Questions for people only sexually attracted to one gender

Thoughts towards people of the gender you're not attracted to  

23 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you have a sense of whom you'd be into if your orientation were the opposite? (see post for clarification)

    • Yes
      10
    • No
      8
    • Maybe/very vaguely
      5
  2. 2. Do you think someone having a sense of to whom they'd be attracted in the opposite orientation makes them a little bisexual?

    • Yes
      2
    • No
      16
    • "Only YOU can determine your true orientation"
      5
  3. 3. Assigned sex at birth

    • Male
      9
    • Female
      14
    • Intersex
      0
  4. 4. Gender

    • Man
      8
    • Woman
      12
    • Nonbinary or agender
      3


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CBC

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CBC

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Philip027
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I'm curious how common it is for people to have a physical type. Because I just... don't. Like I can absolutely look at someone and think "Nope", but appearance is literally never the reason I've felt interested in someone. It's about the interpersonal connection and how I relate to them. It's unmistakable when I feel it.

Yep, I don't either.

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uhtred
8 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm sorry Snow, I voted in your poll after all since I'm veryyyy drunk right now and hella bored. 🙃 It's kind of irrelevant since the whole "technically bisexual" thing, but.

 

Like... knowing who you'd be into can include personality stuff, right? Since I have no physical type other than "please have decent personal hygiene and don't be super duper icky looking".

 

I dunno, I just can't do the whole... emotionally vulnerable love shit... with dudes. Maybe I've just met the wrong guys, lol. My experience with men more or less includes Very Emotionally Unavailable And Way Too Into Cars And Just Wants To Bang Me™ (but he was a massive smartass, so that was kind of appealing... we argued about politics a lot, though) and Obnoxiously Asexual™, so. I had a crush on a gay guy once though. I didn't know he was gay. I'm not sure he did at that point either. He used to put egg yolk on his hair to make it shiny, I don't know how I didn't figure that one out. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It make me wonder - how often to people form opinions of an entire gender based on a few dating experiences?   It easy to do - if you date a couple of guys with similar traits, your brain forms patterns and thinks it has a global description.  

 

I see on relationship sites discussions of how "all men / women want XYZ".   

 

I certainty got the idea early on that women generally have very little interest in sex - based on one data point.  But somehow that stuck in my brain. 

 

BTW not pointing at you @CBC in particular about this, it just got me thinking.  Many people may only have a couple of serious relationship in their lives and so its easy for them to form opinions like this.   For the record, I'm a straight male and I'm nothing like they guys you met - though of course have my own set of what I'll choose to call "quirks". 

 

 

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Snao van der Cone
9 hours ago, CBC said:

Like... knowing who you'd be into can include personality stuff, right? Since I have no physical type other than "please have decent personal hygiene and don't be super duper icky looking".

Sure. I have an idea of that too. I think my aromantic nature makes it harder for me to see that, though. With sexual attraction based on looks, I can deduce it from my aesthetic preferences. But with sexual attraction based on personality it's a tad harder for me to imagine. I can think of a few traits that would probably turn me on if I were sexual, but then I'd imagine living with the person and hating their guts because of domestic habits.

 

But there are things like wit and values and behaviour I find really endearing, which would probably translate to wanting sex if I were sexual. 

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CBC

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uhtred
10 minutes ago, CBC said:

@uhtred Oh yeah, I agree with all that. I think my comment was kind of a... drunken and joking musing. My dating experience is indeed fairly limited, however I truly don't think I've formed negative opinions of men as a whole by any means. The one dude when I was a lot younger... he's an alright guy I think, he's smart and hardworking and married now with a couple kids. Not someone I would've been compatible with, but he's an ok person. Just, we were young and it was a bad time for someone with my character to be involved with anyone. The asexual guy I married, well, he's one of the kindest and most easygoing and overall awesome people I've ever met, and not much at all like the guy friend I dated briefly when I was younger -- it's just that somehow, bizarrely, what should've been a really great platonic friendship became a marriage. But I know loads of other men who are awesome people, whether they're friends or family. I certainly don't have any opinions of any gender as a whole, and I have no underlying issues with men. I guess I've just never met one where the sexual energy and some sort of sense of deep, loving emotional connection go together.

Didn't mean to imply you had formed that opinion... sorry online discussions make it tough to get tone across 

 

There are men with sexual energy and emotional connection - but unfortunately that is not easy to discover until you are in a serious relationship.  

 

I realize I'm wandering off topic.  Maybe I'll start a thread on how to find compatible people or somethign. 

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Snao van der Cone

I don't make blanket assumptions of men based on bad experiences, but I do make jokes. And the good experiences I've had (like with guys who checked in throughout foreplay and sex to make sure I was enjoying it, since I wasn't exactly showing enthusiasm through my actions) don't apply blanketly to men either. It shows the decency people are capable of during sex and why the worse experiences of sex with people who don't do that need to be part of a conversation on sexual culture. And of course, in a heteronormative culture that still has a lot of gender contrasts, a lot of that will end up being differences between men and women. That's where jokes come in, because I'm not actively involved and can't really affect changes through action, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ being facetious and ironic is a coping thing. But through that - through knowing what types of gender differences come up in hetero relationships based on the experiences of others - I get more of an idea of the kind of person I'd want to be with if I were into it. That's for men and women and nonbinary people. 

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CBC

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Snao van der Cone
Just now, CBC said:

I think I'm kinda the reverse, more or less. I can try really hard and probably conjure up some physical traits that I like, but I don't know that any of them would really turn me on sexually (and truthfully this goes for both men and women) so much and just be more aesthetically pleasing than other traits.

 

On the other hand, sexual attraction based on personality traits is ridiculously easy for me to imagine. 

Well, the physical traits I find the most appealing suggest some aspects of personality. Androgyny and motifs of personal style usually suggest certain values, which is part of what I like about it. I don't expect someone who plays around with artistic cross-dressing to own five MAGA hats. And if I find out they're TERFs then I know I would lose any sexual interest I had. But I would also imagine that a mullet, 40 facial piercings, and parachute pants would turn me off. 

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CBC

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CBC
13 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

But I would also imagine that a mullet, 40 facial piercings, and parachute pants would turn me off. 

With ya on that. It's fun to picture, though. And by "fun" I mean "frightening but also mildly amusing".

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Snao van der Cone

Side note, there's a guy I see in my office building a lot who has a long mullet ponytail, a buzz cut on the top, and a fancy moustache. He's really nice. I'm sure many people would overlook the eccentric appearance for a good personality, but I don't think it would appeal enough to me for an intimate relationship. (And his wife probably likes how he looks.)

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CBC

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CBC

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Kimchi Peanut
3 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Well, the physical traits I find the most appealing suggest some aspects of personality. Androgyny and motifs of personal style usually suggest certain values, which is part of what I like about it. I don't expect someone who plays around with artistic cross-dressing to own five MAGA hats. And if I find out they're TERFs then I know I would lose any sexual interest I had. But I would also imagine that a mullet, 40 facial piercings, and parachute pants would turn me off. 

What is a TERF??

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AceMissBehaving
1 minute ago, disGraceful said:

What is a TERF??

Trans exclusionary radical feminist 

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CBC

Lol. Snap.

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Kimchi Peanut

Oh wow... okay... I didn’t even know that was a thing.

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Snao van der Cone
1 hour ago, CBC said:

(As an afterthought, @Snao Cone, feel free to find a way to surreptitiously take a photo of this guy. I'm curious, in a slightly horrified way.)

I have one from a few years ago...

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CBC
11 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I have one from a few years ago...

Ok wow, that just made my day. Basically what I expected tbh, other than I pictured him younger and... wearing more leather? I'm not sure why the leather. Not biker leather, either. Just... leather.

 

I was gonna say that he looks like someone from Winnipeg at first, don't know why really, but then I realised he'd look right at home here in Barrie too, so.

 

God forbid anyone thinks that's the standard look for Canadian men. 😂

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skullery

Voted. 😎

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CBC

I'm trying to envision your dream guy now, lol.

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skullery

And? 

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CBC

Eh, he's nothing special. I'm more irresistibly adorable. :P 

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skullery

Lol. Yes of course. In any case I voted no, that I don't know. I know what type of guys I feel comfortable with now, but I doubt I'd have the same list if I was a different person with different outcomes in mind. I feel like... You know the finale episode of Roseanne, where it turns out Darlene is actually with Mark, and you're like... ohhhhh I can totally see that. I think that's how I'd be. 

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CBC

So here's a funny thing: I don't remember how I voted now. Because drunk. I think I said yes? But I mostly meant personality-wise. I can think of physical traits that would definitely be turn offs, but in terms of turn ons, mainly I come up with personality characteristics that have been common amongst my dude crushes. Interesting mental exercise actually, and I'm not at all certain what it says about me, haha.

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Cimmerian

Oh, this is a cool topic. I look forward to seeing what more people say. :)
 

On 7/3/2019 at 8:34 AM, Snao Cone said:

The thing is, the part that makes you wonder if you're technically bisexual might just be you being able to imagine what guys you would be into if you weren't so very much into women. 

I wondered exactly that when I was trying to figure out if I was bisexual. xD

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Anon192820
Posted (edited)

Ohh, this is really interesting. I’m heterosexual and a girl.. and I actually do think I know vaguely, but not really since I haven’t experienced it. Of course I might reflect back on what I find aesthetically attractive and whatnot, I’d probably be into more feminine girls, with long beautiful hair and makeup (probably because I love doing makeup myself). But really, I have no idea. I’m just speculating lol!! I tried at least, but no I haven’t really thought about it 

Edited by Anon192820

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