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Snao van der Cone

Questions for people only sexually attracted to one gender

Thoughts towards people of the gender you're not attracted to  

24 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you have a sense of whom you'd be into if your orientation were the opposite? (see post for clarification)

    • Yes
      11
    • No
      8
    • Maybe/very vaguely
      5
  2. 2. Do you think someone having a sense of to whom they'd be attracted in the opposite orientation makes them a little bisexual?

    • Yes
      3
    • No
      16
    • "Only YOU can determine your true orientation"
      5
  3. 3. Assigned sex at birth

    • Male
      9
    • Female
      15
    • Intersex
      0
  4. 4. Gender

    • Man
      8
    • Woman
      13
    • Nonbinary or agender
      3


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Snao van der Cone

Okay, so I'm curious to see if monosexual people (ie hetero or homo, not bi/pan) can imagine themselves in the opposite orientation and have an idea of what kind of person they'd be attracted to if they were. For example, would a straight man have an idea of what other men he'd be attracted to if he were gay? Gay man -> women? Gay woman -> men? Straight women -> women? (If you consider yourself androsexual or gynosexual instead of hetero or homo, obvs pick the other side.) I'm curious to see if it's a reasonable assertion that a notable portion sexual people can imagine other circumstances.

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CBC

I legitimately have no idea if I can answer this question (and that bothers me immensely, since I love clearly-defined things), because I don't really know how far the reaches of "technically bisexual" go for me. So alas, I'll refrain from voting.

 

/utterly pointless post

 

Carry on, lol.

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Snao van der Cone

The thing is, the part that makes you wonder if you're technically bisexual might just be you being able to imagine what guys you would be into if you weren't so very much into women. 

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Spookchi Boonut

I think I know what kind of women I’d be into if I liked boobies and flesh pockets. But I don’t think I’m at all bisexual. I just think certain looks are more beautiful in a totally subjective way. Shrugsies.

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CBC

@Snao Cone I just came back to comment on that, actually.

 

Well, mostly on the fact that I don't think being able to imagine who one might be into makes a person technically bisexual.

 

However, in relation to myself, I know I'm capable of feeling ~feelings~ for guys. I've had... *takes a second to count* about seven or eight dude crushes in my life. Definitely some type of sexual attraction; I know what that feels like. But they amount to crushes/limerence/whatever that wouldn't work as full, well-rounded relationships. So it's not really about imagining who I could be into.

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4 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

flesh pockets

Lol, how poetic. 

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Telecaster68

The type of bloke I'd be attracted to would be the same kind of person as the kind of women I'm attracted to, as above a certain threshold of 'not being a troll', I'm not very bothered about looks. Wit and connection are always what get me, in terms of personality. Then again I really don't want anything to do with another man's body.

 

The upshot is that I very, very much fancied pretty much all the female characters in West Wing, and would imagine if I was gay or female, I'd have had much the same feelings about all the male ones.

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Snao van der Cone
7 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

The upshot is that I very, very much fancied pretty much all the female characters in West Wing, and would imagine if I was gay or female, I'd have had much the same feelings about all the male ones.

I don't know why, but my immediate thought was revised Van Halen lyrics: "Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I'm hot for Sorkin" and that makes me feel like I should apologize.

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Spookchi Boonut
16 minutes ago, CBC said:

Lol, how poetic. 

I am nothing if not flowing with romantic poetry... 

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AceMissBehaving

I absolutely have a type when it comes to women, but I’m also realizing that now, knowing I can take sex out of the equation I’m probably much more bi-romantic than I am hetero-romantic. 

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20 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

I am nothing if not flowing with romantic poetry... 

Random life tip: if you ever find yourself trying to flirt with the ladies, "flesh pocket" probably won't go over so well.

 

But then I'm not exactly highly skilled at flirting myself... my idea of flirting mostly consists of hoping someone will find my stupid sarcastic and/or self-deprecating jokes mildly amusing... so I could be wrong. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

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AceMissBehaving
17 minutes ago, CBC said:

Random life tip: if you ever find yourself trying to flirt with the ladies, "flesh pocket" probably won't go over so well.

If someone mentioned my “flesh pocket” I’d assume I was being hit up for a potential smuggling operation.

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4 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

If someone mentioned my “flesh pocket” I’d assume I was being hit up for a potential smuggling operation.

Lol. That seems fair. If someone mentioned my... erm, flesh pocket... they could be pretty certain they weren't getting laid. Well, in that moment, anyway. 

 

Oh that reminds me. I think there's someone with the username "flesh pocket". Squicks me out whenever I see it, though I don't know if they've been around in a few years.

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Snao van der Cone
40 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

I absolutely have a type when it comes to women, but I’m also realizing that now, knowing I can take sex out of the equation I’m probably much more bi-romantic than I am hetero-romantic. 

I have had a type for women aesthetically for my entire life, and a type for men as well. With women I struggled more in my youth on whether it was sexual or aesthetic because I had early experiences with girls in my pre-teens where there was a little bit of experimenting that didn't affect me profoundly. Heteronormativity led me to treat my lack of being pulled towards sex with men differently; after all, it's acceptable for straight women to think other women are beautiful while still being heterosexual. 

 

But it turns out I don't want sex with any gender. I can tell, though, that if I were sexual, I'd be into the types that I'm aesthetically attracted to now, or certain personality traits that I find charming in different genders. I see a lot of asexual people saying that they can't envision that, so I'm wondering if anyone would perceive that as meaning I'm bisexual. 

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1 minute ago, Snao Cone said:

I have had a type for women aesthetically for my entire life

Redheads? We're absolutely charming, ya know. :P 

 

#nohomo #nothittingonyou #justtomakethatveryclear

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AceMissBehaving
3 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I have had a type for women aesthetically for my entire life, and a type for men as well. With women I struggled more in my youth on whether it was sexual or aesthetic because I had early experiences with girls in my pre-teens where there was a little bit of experimenting that didn't affect me profoundly. Heteronormativity led me to treat my lack of being pulled towards sex with men differently; after all, it's acceptable for straight women to think other women are beautiful while still being heterosexual. 

 

But it turns out I don't want sex with any gender. I can tell, though, that if I were sexual, I'd be into the types that I'm aesthetically attracted to now, or certain personality traits that I find charming in different genders. I see a lot of asexual people saying that they can't envision that, so I'm wondering if anyone would perceive that as meaning I'm bisexual. 

I feel the same way

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Snao van der Cone
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

Redheads? We're absolutely charming, ya know. :P 

 

#nohomo #nothittingonyou #justtomakethatveryclear

Not gonna lie, disproportionate representation for a while in my late teens...

 

Spoiler

MAdM-sized-300x419.jpg

 

81w0J5H2-rL._SX385_.jpg

 

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1 minute ago, Snao Cone said:

Not gonna lie, disproportionate representation for a while in my late teens...

 

  Hide contents

MAdM-sized-300x419.jpg

 

81w0J5H2-rL._SX385_.jpg

 

Fair, really.

 

Goddamn I hated my hair colour so much when I was younger. Never dyed it though, until a handful of months in my late 20s when I went for very-dark-brown-nearly-black. I thought it was kind of... alluring, tbh. :lol: 

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uhtred

I think I can imagine being attracted to men, not women, even though I'm not.  I just imagine I'd think about men the way I do women now, and vice versa. 

 

It may help that while I'm not bisexual, I'm not gay-repulsed (if that is a thing), except for a weird thing I have about men kissing. 

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1 minute ago, uhtred said:

It may help that while I'm not bisexual, I'm not gay-repulsed (if that is a thing), except for a weird thing I have about men kissing. 

I don't have any repulsion issues with two dudes kissing, or having sex for that matter, but I find it about as sexually appealing as watching a pair of grasshoppers going at it. (Just to make it clear: I don't have a "thing" for grasshoppers.) Any other combo... two girls, hetero stuff, two-girls-and-a-guy threesomes... will do the trick. But I can't get enthused about watching dudes get hot and heavy with each other. My brain just kinda nopes on that.

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Snao van der Cone
9 minutes ago, CBC said:

I don't have any repulsion issues with two dudes kissing, or having sex for that matter, but I find it about as sexually appealing as watching a pair of grasshoppers going at it. (Just to make it clear: I don't have a "thing" for grasshoppers.) Any other combo... two girls, hetero stuff, two-girls-and-a-guy threesomes... will do the trick. But I can't get enthused about watching dudes get hot and heavy with each other. My brain just kinda nopes on that.

I don't get turned on by it, but gay sex scenes in otherwise entertaining shows/movies make me feel happy, in an ideological way. Gay porn is just...flesh in photo/video form? 

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Spookchi Boonut

I don’t think I’ve ever purposely flirted in my life. I’m not romantic or poetic 😂

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uhtred
21 minutes ago, CBC said:

I don't have any repulsion issues with two dudes kissing, or having sex for that matter, but I find it about as sexually appealing as watching a pair of grasshoppers going at it. (Just to make it clear: I don't have a "thing" for grasshoppers.) Any other combo... two girls, hetero stuff, two-girls-and-a-guy threesomes... will do the trick. But I can't get enthused about watching dudes get hot and heavy with each other. My brain just kinda nopes on that.

For me, I can't "get" gay romance.  I don't object in any way, but it just doesn't reach me.  Hetero or lesbian romance works just fine for me (even non-sexual romance), but the idea of two men in a romantic relationship doesn't connect with me at all.  I actually find gay sex to be more accessible (if dull) than gay romance - I can imagine the sex acts being physically pleasurable. 

 

But for this discussion, I'm imagining that if my orientation switched, my feelings about gay romance and sex would be like my current feelings for heterosexual romance. Maybe that is a bad model? No way to know. 

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Telecaster68
33 minutes ago, CBC said:

Just to make it clear: I don't have a "thing" for grasshoppers

#onlyonAVEN

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12 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I don't get turned on by it, but gay sex scenes in otherwise entertaining shows/movies make me feel happy, in an ideological way.

Oh yeah, I get the happiness thing. Just like, "YEAH! YOU GUYS BE ALL GAY AND AWESOME!"

 

7 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

I don’t think I’ve ever purposely flirted in my life. I’m not romantic or poetic 😂

I don't think I ever flirt by being romantic and poetic. Mostly just suggestive jokes.

 

Although, wait. I guess if I've gotten to the point of being really into someone (but like, not the in-a-relationship stage yet), I'll reference things, other people's words (movies, music, books, whatever... yes I'm that person), to hopefully get the message across. Because, ya know, I'm waaayyyyy too reserved to be directly romantic in a serious way. Too risky and vulnerable. Deep emotions and shit. Scary stuff.

 

4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

#onlyonAVEN

#frighteninglytrue

 

(Yes I felt that clarification was necessary here. I actually went back and added it after I'd written the rest. I wrote it like a normal person at first, but.)

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anisotrophic

This has been confusing for me. I haven't met and interacted with any androsexual NBs. It sure feels like most NBs are either ace or bi/pan... or gynosexual, with female bi/pan partners. (I wonder if some of it is an opportunity issue. Fewer bi/pan men, an orientation that seems most suited for NB gender expression.)

I've come to confront my own challenge to the binary nature of gender, hopefully in a physical way soon (my first medical appointment for T at the clinic is just days away now). And now I have to wonder, "who am I attracted to? why am I attracted to certain people? why are those people always male?"

Is it some array of personality traits that happen in men? Something physical? Would I fall for a transman? A transwoman?

The men I've fallen hard for have not been entirely cishet -- a bit challenging of gender norms -- but still mostly masculine. Am I attracted to masculine people that challenge a traditional conception of masculinity?

I've never felt a twinge of romantic feeling towards women, and only rarely to some men. I'm like @uhtred in saying, I don't feel repulsed by it... but an absence of attraction. (Was I just not open to the possibility?)

I'm pretty sure I could have sex with women, and potentially enjoy it, but... I think enjoyment would be complex -- related to kinks, or my conception of my gender identity as it relates to sexual expression, or to some secondary interaction with a male that I'm emotionally interested in. (e.g. in a threesome; but of course I'd prefer my threesome to have two other men.)

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Winged Whisperer

Hmmm at first I wanted to stay out of this since this seemed like it was made for sexuals, but since some aces answered, I guess I'll throw in my 2 cents. I think I definitely am bi/pan aesthetic (and I think most people would be), like if you give me someone beautiful to stare at I can tell. The less masculine and more personality-gentle a guy is the more I can feel aesthetically attracted to them. Going off fictional characters, Alucard would be in my boat. As a heteroromantic, I guess I'd then be romantically attracted to the same dudes that I have that aesthetic attraction? 'Tis a weird topic for me. Even as an asexual my experiences with gay sex were more positive than het sex, despite being pretty firmly heteroromantic.

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CBC

I'm curious how common it is for people to have a physical type. Because I just... don't. Like I can absolutely look at someone and think "Nope", but appearance is literally never the reason I've felt interested in someone. It's about the interpersonal connection and how I relate to them. It's unmistakable when I feel it. I know if there's, like, "sexual tension" or whatever... and all the people (er, save for one... weirdly, the one I married... god I don't know how that ever came about now) I've connected with in a more-than-platonic way, I've felt that. I suppose I could come up with a list of the personality traits that generally lead to that sort of connection? But yeah, I've never envisioned an ideal mate of any gender.

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Zagadka

Hm, tough question. I have such a broad spectrum of aesthetic attraction for women that I can't define a type, and I certainly can't translate that to men. Outside the face... Not the buff broad shouldered thing, though. And I have absolutely no interest in butts, so I really don't know what else to look at in a man. Just the overall look and body language?

 

Oddly, hair seems to be a trigger for me, though.

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uhtred
11 minutes ago, CBC said:

I'm curious how common it is for people to have a physical type. Because I just... don't. Like I can absolutely look at someone and think "Nope", but appearance is literally never the reason I've felt interested in someone. It's about the interpersonal connection and how I relate to them. It's unmistakable when I feel it. I know if there's, like, "sexual tension" or whatever... and all the people (er, save for one... weirdly, the one I married... god I don't know how that ever came about now) I've connected with in a more-than-platonic way, I've felt that. I suppose I could come up with a list of the personality traits that generally lead to that sort of connection? But yeah, I've never envisioned an ideal mate of any gender.

For me there are a fairly large number of different physical "types" that I find attractive, but also for me a fair number that I don't.   Physical attraction is more binary for me than most people - I tend to find people either sexually attractive, rather than having some sort of scale of hotness.

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