Serra Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 It is honestly SUPER infuriating. Im a 32 (I'll be 33 on the 13th of july) Year old Agender ace...I DO NOT WANT KIDS, EVER.. and Each month The fact that I have that inherently "female" thing to deal with is more than just bothersome...I have wanted one for YEARS but couldnt have one because of the fact that "I was too young" "I may want kids someday etc etc..." And my doctors refused to do it. Well now Im old enough and my insurance will cover it! SO! I was like yes please I wanna do this!! She was cutting my hair when she was over not long ago..and I figured "hey! this is a major life decision! I should tell my mom what Im planning to get some feedback..." This was however not the best idea...despite my best intentions.. She got super pissed off at me and started yelling at me that "If I just didnt want my period I should start taking birth control" And I was like "thats not gonna fix my issue mom...I dont want any of it.." "Well its major surgery- and blah blah blah" honestly I tuned out alot of her rant as I usually do because arguing back makes it worse. And shes right- it IS major surgery- I get that... but birth control doesnt do what I want done.plus theres the added effect of me having to TAKE it all the time. I dont want that hassle either.. I want it just gone. I want a PERMANENT Solution. But birth control has WAY more problematic side effects than getting a hysterectomy does- I've done my research..she has not. And despite how this might sound my mom is SUPER Amazing and supportive. I honestly think her main (And real) Issue with this is because it will cement the fact that she will not get grandkids from me.. and I believe somewhere deep in there despite that she says shes accepted it she hasnt. and is still secretly hoping. Well...Sorry mom... its not happening...? On the 20th im going to see my doctor (About other health things) and Im gonna bring it up and ask for it. And see whats up there and if I can without much issue. I want one... I want to be me.. and this is the last step in the process. (though one I can survive with as I dont have Endometriosis or anything...its not severely a health reason- its more of a MENTAL health reason) And my mom is going to hate it...she 'll be angry. but I somehow think that if I was transgender(No offense to any by the way) she would be more accepting...? If I wanted to be a man.. it would be easier for her to take? I dont know... I love her but my mom is weird sometimes. Does anyone possibly have any advice on how I can get her to understand? It feels a bit hopeless XD Link to post Share on other sites
FerlynnGoldbeard Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 I think I sort of understand where you're coming from. I'm an intersex lady, and had my undeveloped gonads removed. They weren't quite ovaries and they weren't quite testicles, but knowing they were there was very harmful to my mental health. It was hard for my parents too, but at the end of the day, your health and mental health are infinitely more important then what they want or expect of you. In a way I think it's like grieving a loss, except this is more of a loss of "what could have been." It took some time, but eventually they understood. Best wishes, friend. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 How dare a woman decide whether she wants to reproduce! How dare you! /s Link to post Share on other sites
soxr4urfeet Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 honestly, you’re a grown ass woman who can do what you want, and as a grown ass woman, you dont need your moms approval on this. she loves you, she’ll come around eventually Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Tiny tangent here... I love how when the subject of uteruses comes up, the attitude is "Well, as long as you have one, you should use it!", but get someone a six-function blender for their birthday and it will sit unopened in the attic collecting dust while millions of bananas and strawberries sit rotting in agony having gone unsmoothie-fied. We could have equal rights and global food security due to used cookware and a smaller population, but noooo... Ahem. That said, only time might get her to understand. But even if she never does, your body is yours to do whatever you want with, and all you can do is be you and love yourself. I don't like having one either (not sure if I'll ever get it removed or just permanent birth control... the idea of having a body designed for baby-making makes me feel like less of myself), and I'm never having biological kids. No one is owed kids or grandkids, either. Link to post Share on other sites
wyrdwyrm Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Secondary tangent, but one to aware of when you visit the doctor - a lot of doctors tend to deny women hysterectomies, even when they have significant medical reasons for doing so, using that same weak "you might want kids someday" line. My friend is in her late 40s, has no interest in children, and goes through intense pain every month - and her female doctor is using the same obnoxious statement. As if a grown, mature woman (who is past her safe childbearing years anyway) isn't able to make up her own damn mind about having children. I hate that it's used a stock excuse so much. Yes, it's major surgery that could have complications - just say that part, and let the patient decide if it's worth the risk or not. Link to post Share on other sites
abandoned-account Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 I hate having female organs and hate the periods that come with it. The thought of biologically producing children makes me feel queasy and I feel uncomfortable with even having that reproductive ability in my body. I really wish I could get a hysterectomy too if I could. Not only is being able to afford one an issue, but I've heard that the uterus also helps balance hormones in the body and taking it could really mess it up (even when it comes to emotional stability). Can hysterectomy be dangerous too? It seems that it's not an easy procedure. Also, not to mention I'm still victim to the "too young" card... -_-' Link to post Share on other sites
Jinkx Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 8 minutes ago, Vee. said: I hate having female organs and hate the periods that come with it. The thought of biologically producing children makes me feel queasy and I feel uncomfortable with even having that reproductive ability in my body. I really wish I could get a hysterectomy too if I could. Not only is being able to afford one an issue, but I've heard that the uterus also helps balance hormones in the body and taking it could really mess it up (even when it comes to emotional stability). Can hysterectomy be dangerous too, since it seems that it's not an easy procedure. Also, not to mention I'm still victim to the "too young" card... -_-' It's the ovaries that have to do with hormone production. You can get a hysterectomy without a oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) so you don't affect your hormones. It's what I'm planning to do. A hysterectomy will obviously come with risk factors, as any major surgery will, but if it's something you really want I think it's worth it to pursue. I'm planning on having a hysterectomy myself, and when I went to the transgender orientation at Kaiser it mentioned hysterectomy being one of the surgeries that can be covered by insurance—and they don't necessitate you go on T or anything, which I specifically asked about since I'm not planning on that. So I feel very lucky that it's a possibility available to me. I feel you, though. I kind of came out to my mother last week and while she was supportive, one of the things she said was, "Don't go getting a sex change until you've lived a little! You're still so young!" I don't really know how to tell her that I don't feel like I can start living until I've gone through with the changes I want. I'm reluctant to bring up the matter of wanting a hysterectomy to her as well because I also feel like she's probably holding out hope that she might get grandkids from me. Which is literally out of the realm of possibility. It will never happen. But I still fear she hopes for it regardless. >< I think it might just be a matter of time, as others have said, in getting your mother to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 I hate when people start claiming they know what's best for you. You've wanted it for years, it's not like this is a spur of the moment decision. Why can't people just be accepting of others' decisions when it concerns their own bodies? Link to post Share on other sites
wyrdwyrm Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 2 minutes ago, Vee. said: I hate having female organs and hate the periods that come with it. The thought of biologically producing children makes me feel queasy and I feel uncomfortable with even having that reproductive ability in my body. I really wish I could get a hysterectomy too if I could. Not only is being able to afford one an issue, but I've heard that the uterus also helps balance hormones in the body and taking it could really mess it up (even when it comes to emotional stability). Can hysterectomy be dangerous too, since it seems that it's not an easy procedure. Also, not to mention I'm still victim to the "too young" card... -_-' The uterus does have a hormonal effect, even if you leave the ovaries behind (there are some fairly recent studies that have discovered this, if I recall) - but that can be addressed with hormone replacement as necessary. As for other risks, given that it's an organ attached to other bits, sometimes those detached bits suffer when the structure is removed or altered. (*Googles, sees "vaginal prolapse"* Eeeewwwww...) In general, even though I'm with you on the - "I don't need this, get it out so I never have to think about it" bandwagon, surgery isn't worth the risk for me unless there's an underlying medical reason for doing it - but that's just me weighing my own options...like we all should have the right to do! Link to post Share on other sites
soxr4urfeet Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 9 minutes ago, Jinkx said: It's the ovaries that have to do with hormone production. You can get a hysterectomy without a oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) so you don't affect your hormones. It's what I'm planning to do. A hysterectomy will obviously come with risk factors, as any major surgery will, but if it's something you really want I think it's worth it to pursue. I'm planning on having a hysterectomy myself, and when I went to the transgender orientation at Kaiser it mentioned hysterectomy being one of the surgeries that can be covered by insurance—and they don't necessitate you go on T or anything, which I specifically asked about since I'm not planning on that. So I feel very lucky that it's a possibility available to me. I feel you, though. I kind of came out to my mother last week and while she was supportive, one of the things she said was, "Don't go getting a sex change until you've lived a little! You're still so young!" I don't really know how to tell her that I don't feel like I can start living until I've gone through with the changes I want. I'm reluctant to bring up the matter of wanting a hysterectomy to her as well because I also feel like she's probably holding out hope that she might get grandkids from me. Which is literally out of the realm of possibility. It will never happen. But I still fear she hopes for it regardless. >< I think it might just be a matter of time, as others have said, in getting your mother to understand. it’s understandable honestly. they love you and have just been surprised with an entire side they never knew. the sexchange/hysterectomy is just a more physical or concrete change that they can hang their anxieties on, since they feel they can’t do that on your identity. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 I think any elective surgery should be considered very carefully. Especially for major internal surgery there are real risks and real side effects. Not saying you shouldn't do it - its your choice, but please read everything you can, and keep in mind that medicine is a 2 TRILLION dollar a year industry and no more moral than the (smaller) defense industry. I would say the same to anyone considering any elective surgery for any reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinkx Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 1 minute ago, wyrdwyrm said: The uterus does have a hormonal effect, even if you leave the ovaries behind (there are some fairly recent studies that have discovered this, if I recall) - but that can be addressed with hormone replacement as necessary. As for other risks, given that it's an organ attached to other bits, sometimes those detached bits suffer when the structure is removed or altered. (*Googles, sees "vaginal prolapse"* Eeeewwwww...) In general, even though I'm with you on the - "I don't need this, get it out so I never have to think about it" bandwagon, surgery isn't worth the risk for me unless there's an underlying medical reason for doing it - but that's just me weighing my own options...like we all should have the right to do! Aaah, okay, that's important to know. I'll have to look more into hormones in relation to the uterus and such. Always good to do more research. I've read that you can help prevent prolapse with kegels, among other things... but yeah, when I read that potential side effect, I was seriously squicked out. ><;;; Link to post Share on other sites
abandoned-account Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 2 hours ago, wyrdwyrm said: The uterus does have a hormonal effect, even if you leave the ovaries behind (there are some fairly recent studies that have discovered this, if I recall) - but that can be addressed with hormone replacement as necessary. As for other risks, given that it's an organ attached to other bits, sometimes those detached bits suffer when the structure is removed or altered. (*Googles, sees "vaginal prolapse"* Eeeewwwww...) In general, even though I'm with you on the - "I don't need this, get it out so I never have to think about it" bandwagon, surgery isn't worth the risk for me unless there's an underlying medical reason for doing it - but that's just me weighing my own options...like we all should have the right to do! Yeah. If only if it could be as easy for us as spaying a cat or a dog. I hope maybe I could at least have it "disabled" in some simple way so there would be no more periods and no reproductive ability. Link to post Share on other sites
wyrdwyrm Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Just now, Vee. said: Yeah. If only if it could be as easy for us as spaying a cat or a dog. I hope maybe I could at least have it "disabled" in some simple way so there would be no more periods and no reproductive ability. Alas, aside from birth control or removal, there aren't a lot of choices. What we need are 'off' switches! Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 It's her right to have an opinion and if that means being angry, that's fair. The decision is yours alone though. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Just don't bring it up to her again -- there really isn't any way to force someone to change their mind, so since it's your (and your doctor's) decision, just leave her alone about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 My dad's the same about top surgery, but it's fuck all to do with him and your uterus is fuck all to do with your mother. I agree, don't mention it again and just go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
verymelancholic Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 It's not her business. You are far beyond legal age, it's YOUR body. If you understand the risks fully, by all means go ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Serra Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 Thanks guys, haha i woke up to a ton of replies lol. I admit im scared of doing so due to the risks, but its something i want. Ive never had major surgery before minus my wisdom teeth getting pulled. So i admit to being nervous. But in any case ill still bring it up with my dr. Link to post Share on other sites
katinthehat Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Not her uterus. Link to post Share on other sites
goat cheese Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I'm a man but I thought I'd say I'm an only child and my mom once said that at that point she was pretty sure she wasn't going to have grandkids. I like to say that being an only child the only child both my parents had with no half blood siblings DOES NOT obligate me to continue my parents bloodline! Their genes will die with me! There have been times when I thought to myself "HaHa mom's not getting grandkids, EVER lol!". In fact I'm going all out anti-sexual through all of reincarnation and returning to Earth 100 percent ace simply because everyone around me has sex lives .... But Nooooot MEEEE! It was like "where's, mine, Damnit!". Oh ok. I'm the lone virgin?! Then I'll be ace virgin literally for eternity then! Good bye intercourse FOREVER! Hahahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
Mythos1 Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Your Mother has no say in the matter. It's your body, your rules. If this is truly something you want to pursue, well I say go chase that goal! @J'naii_Planet I know how that is. I still remember the first thing out of my Mum's mouth when I came out to her and it was: "so, I won't get any grandkids?" Yeah, sorry, but that's tough. I'm not here to fulfil your dream of having grandkids. My brother, although not ace, isn't interested in settling down with kids either. Link to post Share on other sites
Je3s Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I hate the terms used, but I recently read this article https://www.abc.net.au/life/choosing-sterilisation-when-youre-young-and-dont-want-kids/11274054 so very timely. Choosing a surgical form of birth control is hardly shocking and happens for plenty of reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
AceAnimeFan Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 I'm 23 and had the same problem. What I learned about hysterectomies is that it can cause other problems later because the uterus kind of holds some stuff in place. What I did instead was have my Fallopian tubes removed. Same result (other than still having a period), shorter recovery time, and no worrying about hormonal problems that would happen with removal of ovaries (and possibly uterus). Link to post Share on other sites
naakka Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 I've never seriously thought about hystectomy, but I once carefreely mentioned to my mum that I've realised I don't have the same innate need to have biological children than my peers seem to have. I didn't really think of it as a huge revelation, rather just a thing that's always been there and super natural to me. But I realized from her reaction that it was, for her. I think these things have huge effect on parents, because of they force them to see you're not "normal". What you've might found out years ago as a teen (or earlier, in my case), is a completely new revelation to them. They need to work trough the same thoughts you've accepted way earlier. They need to work to change the image of you, which will take time but eventually they'll get there. Link to post Share on other sites
neverlove Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 You do understand this will send you into menopause and the effects of that, and that if you wait your period will stop naturally on its own, yes? FYI: it does suck that doctors do this, but I actually asked about this and part of the reason they don’t do this sort of thing is because of lawsuits, and people coming back in to reverse it. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 1 hour ago, neverlove said: You do understand this will send you into menopause and the effects of that Not if it's a partial hysterectomy where just the uterus is removed. Hormone replacement is not even considered if only the uterus is removed. On 7/3/2019 at 12:51 AM, wyrdwyrm said: The uterus does have a hormonal effect, even if you leave the ovaries behind (there are some fairly recent studies that have discovered this, if I recall) - but that can be addressed with hormone replacement as necessary. The ovaries produce estrogen and progesterone. A normal cycling uterus does not make either. It was found that in pregnant mice the urterus does produce localized estrogen to help grow blood vessels in the uterus to support the pregnancy. This may have indications for pregnant people or those with endometriosis. The brain also produces some estrogen, but it is not enough to mitigate the menopausal effects of removing the ovaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.