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ewolf20

so I came to the conclusion that am not ace: and where I've been these past few years

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ewolf20

Hi everyone...it's me ewolf or fruity as I now go by. Am not a active participant of this forum as I rarely if ever post Any thing on here. Mostly was a bit more active in the chat rooms than I was on the forums anyway. So where have I been these past few years? On other sites mostly. I had a few failings on my art career but I have few fans I guess. Been working in a new job and I'm gearing up for college soon with a driver's test on the way....also am on a quest to find a laptop that suits my needs for college and all that jazz. Just turned 19 too.

 

What does this have anything to do with asexuality? Well, despite my falling out of the site I still do think about you guys even when I sleep, eat, or work. I met a few aces outside this site, some good friends and acquaintances....and I kinda learned a few things along the way I never knew was really a thing. It kinda opened my experiences with asexuality for a bit...but despite all this...I came to the conclusion that am not asexual. Over these past few years I've dealt with myself for a bit and explored who I am as a person. I learned, cried a bit, and even laughed little about it. So why this conclusion? I guess it's kinda complicated...and a tad lewd...and I don't wanna make folks uncomfortable about this fact but let's say it has a lot to do with my thoughts on "sexiness" .

 

I knew this was what created this barrier when it came to talking to non-allosexual folk. I was clearly into different shit and they were too and that's something I reluctantly accepted. Now that didn't mean I was like some sex hungry perv who would talk about sex 24/7 a week but I had moments of feeling attraction to certain people. Maybe it could be romantic or sexual, your guess was as good as mine.it was unclear. At times I didn't want anything to do with romance but other days I get a tad jelly seeing a few friends getting involved in relationships and what not...some even got PREGNANT FOR FLIP SAKE. I didn't have that happen to me. I was mostly celibate as a result of parental upbringing and thus had a effect on my thoughts on sexuality. When I was younger I kinda had a super backwards view on it and it take me awhile to be accepting of folks that were outside this cisnormative, hetronormative ideals.

 

That's when i came to the conclusion later on there was something up with me. Every so often...I had crushes on girls..fictional or not. Now this was dwarfed by my interest of men but it was there. Even then I wasn't sure if it was real. There was a moment when I felt kinda funny...like super funny when I looked at somebody. I look away only to occasionally look back. Now I know a lot of y'all never knew what attraction was so I can't really describe the feeling in detail...

I went through a lot of.labels trying to describe it. Hetroflexible was one I used some years ago...before settling with maybe gray -a until I settled with just..bi..though according to the Kinsey scale I would definitely be more like...straight? With some moments of desiring the opposite sex? Who knows at this point...

 

what bothers the most however is well...am confused...see..I sometimes draw sexy people? Not always but sometimes...if just drawing skimpy outfits were enough. I wanted to dab into nsfw as a means to get more internet attention but I felt as though it was too desperate and the idea of drawing rule 34 fan art was fucking gross especially with all this screwed up stuff centred around children's show characters...and how a few folks are complaining about "sjws" removing they sexy ladies from their cartoons and comics cuz for forbid we actually try to care more a bit good writing , stories, and art rather than if this turns someone on...God i hated going to that one site...anywho...despite their rantings...in was a tad concerned about this whole issue as I design characters that some would find... "Inappropriate" ? I.was paranoid for a long time that folks  for a long time would think I was pervert for it and it was balancing at on making characters modest while not sacrificing a few things...that's what you get for being very aware of social issues.

 "BUT FRUITY! Where's your evidence to prove that?" 

 

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Here....I wish I could spoiler these but mobile sucks balls

 

But besides that point,I feel like I don't fit in anymore and it's time to turn in my ace badge and call it a quits. I'll still lurk sometimes and may be ask for certain things as I have a handful of ace ocs and I wanna make sure they're at least be ...accurate? There's no one ace experience however and I can't frankly think that writing them as people first goes a long way unless you specifically want to talk about self discovery. 

 

That's all I have to say and happy super late pride month y'all!

 

Note: I don't mind cheesecake and beefcake on its own but I feel like when it's shoehorned in most media it feels out of place and might kinds ruin The.story for me...and it doesn't help that a few folks think that if it has cute/sexy girls in it it's automatically good....when's it not.

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Karret

Those are some cool character designs! :o

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wyrdwyrm

I don't know if I would ever think anyone's art is a reason for 'not belonging', so I'd say you can go a little easier on yourself in that area at least ❤️. If you feel that the label doesn't suit you any longer, that's cool and I wouldn't question it - but I'd hate to see anyone pressure themselves into or out of a group out of fear or guilt (or any other negative feelings). Follow what makes you happy!

 

That's some nice looking art, btw! :D 

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KrysLost

Eh there's always the grey area if you think that fits. It's whatever works. Good luck.

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