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degenerate

Decided, in my own opinion, I am not an asexual

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degenerate

After some years of thought as well as extensive reading through Aven, reddit, even tumblr, etc during that time, I've concluded once and for all that I'm not an asexual in my own opinion.

 

I now apologize for ever answering to things as if I were.

 

Though I still firmly defer my own opinion the opinion of others in this case. Meaning I accept any and all labels others deem fitting for me without argument.

 

This is what I have determined. I'm a hard line placiosexual, pan Kinsey 3, with low to no libido, rare but intense romantic interest (however non possessive/exclusive) with casual feelings towards physical intimacy, and I've always known I was kinky. This may all be bizarre, but not asexual in either attraction or capacity for desire of sexual behavior. No matter how asexual I may seem to be. It's like my body is sexually dead, but my mind is sexually charged. This doesn't seem to be due to any illness, dysphoria (cis), or shyness.

 

Despite this, I still feel a sense of belonging in the asexual community due to sharing some similar experiences with asexuals. I never get a sense of belonging, ever, and even if it is misguided, I like it so much that I feel addicted to it. I'm also very aware of how incompatible I am with most other people.

 

It's disappointing to not have an easy way to explain myself to others, but, as usual, I'm unsympathetic to my plight. I often find my own pain amusing or enjoyable. I'm just apologetic to all the people in my life who I've failed to be coherent to, or have occasionally disturbed. Due to all this soul searching, I think that I can avoid this in the future. I'm also very happy being the way I am, even though I know it's ridiculous.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

Hi. In case you're interested, AVEN does have a kink forum.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

@degenerate Sure! You're welcome. 

 

I just thought I'd let you know that, even if you feel you're not ace, anymore, that that doesn't mean that you need to leave the forum.

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WildWest
Posted (edited)

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Edited by WildWest

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degenerate

You know what's weird? Despite total acceptance of being a sexual, I still feel dishonest answering for sexuals. Still feels like I can't really count my experiences as the experiences of a sexual in the way that the majority of sexually identifying people do, as my qualifications as a sexual are so technical compared to what seems to be more of a shared experience between other sexuals.

 

This is the same thing I've been experiencing with not feeling gay, even though, by definition, I am in part. Not that this invalidates me as being a sexual or gay, as these are facts by definition. It just means I don't feel sexual or gay enough to speak for these groups. And though I do, misguidedly, feel asexual, since I know that by any coherent definition, I am not any sort of asexual, I won't identify that way or answer for them, either.

 

A strange place to be, but I'm okay with it. I mention it because I think it's interesting. I wonder if this feeling will pass, but I honestly doubt it. I'm 36 and have felt different in this area my whole life. I think this situation may be permanent.

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Sir_The_Last

Don't worry about labels. As a sexual person I do not speak for others rather from my own lack of experience in sexual activity. I gave up trying to fit in. I am just myself and that is all. Where ever I am I try to be true to myself.  

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

As someone who went through feelings of bi-erasuse, I can wholeheartedly understanding your feelings of not being 'gay enough'.  Though I'm glad that you seem to be content with your identity.  

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