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AceMissBehaving

Sexual Partners of Out Aces

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AceMissBehaving

One thing that seems part and parcel of being asexual is being asked rather personal questions.

 

I was wondering if anyone here was in a relationship with an out ace, and how that experience has been.  Is it something you might even be embarrassed about other people knowing?

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anisotrophic

My partner is partially closeted, and it's because he would be embarrassed about it, not me.

 

I was "out" within some social contexts (that he was ok with) for a bit, but after a while I stopped saying anything because I could tell nobody understood & I got the sense they just thought my relationship must be messed up. Not a lot of pity out there.

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kumiko_itoe

I am an out ace but I don't exactly go around with a huge sign around my neck saying that I am ace. 

 

If someone asks, I admit it as coolly as answering what I ate yesterday. Most people don't believe me though cause I have biological kids. So they generally dismiss it as me trying to be celibate. 

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sithgirlix

My bf has explained to me that people don't really understand, but mostly gets reactions because of our "open" relationship as a psuedo- compromise. They hear his gf is in Japan and worry about his sex life, he explains we're open because I'm ace and suddenly he has girls flirting with him (what he says). Though he does find it funny when people ask him why he's not worried about me cheating on him while I'm gone (or maybe that's me with my friends?)

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AceMissBehaving

Thanks for the replies. It’s something that comes up a fair bit because of my work and social circles, and while I am comfortable with talking about it I’m always rather sensitive about how my public persona affects my husband.

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glyders

My partner isn't closeted, but it's not something that comes out in most conversations. A few people know.

I'd hope that if more people knew it would avoid some painful occasions (like when some of our friends were discussing how vital sex was to relationship and how bad or absent sex was a sign of a failing relationship - my partner used my autism to explain why I went to poke the BBQ).

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anewman

My wife has told a few people, all very close friends of ours. I don't find that people knowing bothers me in general, but I dread the tedious conversations I know it would induce some people to constantly begin so we're selective in who we talk about it with (as I assume we would be even with a more median sex life).

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glyders

I think my first girlfriend might also have been ace. I remember one of her friends giving me a hard time for not showing affection for her in public and wishing she'd tell her she didn't want me to touch her or kiss her. Everything the friend said I should be doing I knew would upset my girlfriend.

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anisotrophic

I still feel like I'm announcing my relationship is F'd up and I'm a reject. I mean, I am, sort of. Thinking about what it looks like, I think it's reasonable if other people suspect a partner is just putting out an "it's not you it's me" explanation to avoid conflict. But they don't want to say that.

 

I'm still sharing anyway occasionally sometimes with people if it's a personal, extended conversation where it seems relevant to conversation, because ... the topic of sex often irritates me, and stereotypes of male sexuality, I want to educate others, and maybe I'm darkly amusing myself by watching others' discomfort.

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MinervaRose
On 6/28/2019 at 4:29 AM, AceMissBehaving said:

One thing that seems part and parcel of being asexual is being asked rather personal questions.

 

I was wondering if anyone here was in a relationship with an out ace, and how that experience has been.  Is it something you might even be embarrassed about other people knowing?

Not embarrassed, no. It's not a secret, but also not a big focus for my partner to announce it. I always check in with my ace partner what his boundaries are, because I can very openly talk about anything (a)sexual-related. We've gone to pride together, he has told two people in his family, most of my close friends and family know. There can be some initial direct and personal questions when telling someone, but that has been totally fine, and understandable if asexuality is unknown to them. 

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
On 6/27/2019 at 9:29 PM, AceMissBehaving said:

One thing that seems part and parcel of being asexual is being asked rather personal questions.

 

I was wondering if anyone here was in a relationship with an out ace, and how that experience has been.  Is it something you might even be embarrassed about other people knowing?

Oh god no.  My boyfriend is out, true.  He told us (our close friend group about three years ago) and I sought a relationship with him well after knowing.  He doesn't announce it to the world.  He doesn't wear it as an identity badge.  If anything,I, as a bisexual, and an lgbtqia+ advocate, push him to be more okay with his identity, and embrace it as not something negative, but as something unique that should be celebrated.  I'm proud of him, and his ability to address something that is generally frowned upon.  I'm proud of him for looking inwards and discovering a hard truth.  I'm proud of him for telling me about it.

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