Kiraisboring Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I’m a female and I’m only 19 and all but I’ve never had a sexual fantasy and I never visualized anything sexual in my head before . My boyfriend recently asked me what turns me on and what do I fantasize about when I told him nothing . he felt hurt that I don’t fantasize about him or even get turned on by him . But I had to let him know it’s not personal I’ve never fantasized about anyone . None of my female friends can relate 😢 I feel so alone anyone else? Spoiler 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GayShayy Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Absolutely nothing comes to mind ever. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ReyGraves Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I very rarely, if ever, fantasize about other people. If I ever do it's just sort of an indistinct person that you might get in dreams. So yeah, I can totally relate to that. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I don't "fantasize" about anything. Never saw the point. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dehjahvoo Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 9 minutes ago, Kiraisboring said: I’m a female and I’m only 19 and all but I’ve never had a sexual fantasy and I never visualized anything sexual in my head before . My boyfriend recently asked me what turns me on and what do I fantasize about when I told him nothing . he felt hurt that I don’t fantasize about him or even get turned on by him . But I had to let him know it’s not personal I’ve never fantasized about anyone . None of my female friends can relate 😢 I feel so alone anyone else? Reveal hidden contents You're not alone there. I'm mid 30s and sexual fantasies have never really happened for me. My fantasies always used to be about being in love or in a relationship,maybe cuddling lol. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Liana Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Spoiler Is it bad that when I read the title that I started thinking of stuff that has nothing to do with sex or relationships? The closest that I would say for me would be rarely fantasizing about being in a relationship (but that’s about once in every other blue moon). Sexual fantasies have never appeared in my mind. Nightmares? Yes. Fantasies? No. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rkod75 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I have had uncomfortable thoughts about certain people, but I can't say I have ever had anything that I would consider a sexual fantasy directed towards anyone. The closest thing I have had to sexual fantasy have been thoughts that aren't really directed towards anyone specifically. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
firebird8 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 This is something I've always found confusing. How do people have fantasies about something they haven't done so they don't know what it is like? Do people naturally have fantasies just...come to mind? I never did, and if I tried to imagine how one would get from like standing up and very awkwardly kissing to...what I vaguely understood sex to be, I drew a big blank. I understand now but I still don't have fantasies about it, or dreams when I'm asleep. I don't think about it at all, honestly. If someone talks about it to me or near me, I mostly just keep it as words in my head and I don't think about pictures (which is what I do with books and articles too). 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kiraisboring Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 If you don’t mind me asking what do you mean by fantasies not directed towards anyone . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kiraisboring Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 1 minute ago, Kiraisboring said: If you don’t mind me asking what do you mean by fantasies not directed towards anyone . 6 minutes ago, firebird8 said: This is something I've always found confusing. How do people have fantasies about something they haven't done so they don't know what it is like? Do people naturally have fantasies just...come to mind? I never did, and if I tried to imagine how one would get from like standing up and very awkwardly kissing to...what I vaguely understood sex to be, I drew a big blank. I understand now but I still don't have fantasies about it, or dreams when I'm asleep. I don't think about it at all, honestly. If someone talks about it to me or near me, I mostly just keep it as words in my head and I don't think about pictures (which is what I do with books and articles too). Same . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rkod75 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 36 minutes ago, Kiraisboring said: If you don’t mind me asking what do you mean by fantasies not directed towards anyone . It's kind of difficult for me to explain, it's kind of like fantasizing about being the hero in a war movie, but not really fantasizing about killing anyone in particular, or ever wanting to realistically be in that situation. The thing is I am sex repulsed, but I don't want to be this way, so in my own way I have had my own fantasies where I am someone else. These fantasies are detached from my reality, where I don't overthink what it would really be like being in that situation, and i don't imagine myself being with anyone that I've known. I use the "war hero" analogy because I think of it as being similar to how many people might fantasize about being Spartacus, but in reality they would never really want to go through what he went through. That's the thing about fantasy, one can exclude whatever details the mind chooses. I know this is an odd analogy, but that's kind of like what sexual fantasy feels like to me, I have to exclude the details I find repulsive, as well as anyone I've known in my personal life. It's not so much a sexual fantasy so much as it is a fantasy about not being the way that I am 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 No instinctive intrusive sexual or relational thought comes to mind on its own, but it takes a conscious effort to build the thought without some form of repulsion, even with fetishes involving my SO. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 On 6/26/2019 at 4:13 AM, Kiraisboring said: 😢 Reveal hidden contents https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37862070 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kiraisboring Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 11 hours ago, Rkod75 said: It's kind of difficult for me to explain, it's kind of like fantasizing about being the hero in a war movie, but not really fantasizing about killing anyone in particular, or ever wanting to realistically be in that situation. The thing is I am sex repulsed, but I don't want to be this way, so in my own way I have had my own fantasies where I am someone else. These fantasies are detached from my reality, where I don't overthink what it would really be like being in that situation, and i don't imagine myself being with anyone that I've known. I use the "war hero" analogy because I think of it as being similar to how many people might fantasize about being Spartacus, but in reality they would never really want to go through what he went through. That's the thing about fantasy, one can exclude whatever details the mind chooses. I know this is an odd analogy, but that's kind of like what sexual fantasy feels like to me, I have to exclude the details I find repulsive, as well as anyone I've known in my personal life. It's not so much a sexual fantasy so much as it is a fantasy about not being the way that I am Wow that’s deep and understandable I have yet to experience it though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kiraisboring Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 3 hours ago, Marlow1 said: Can you visualise at all? I cannot. I have Aphantasia and this means that not only is my ability to fantasise very limited, this also plays a massive role in my lack of ability to become sexually attracted to people https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37862070 I am 63 years old and I have never fantasised in the way that folk normally speak of. I can though, have sexual thoughts about my wife if she is close by. I do not see her in my mind but I can experience a strong wanting for her, and thoughts of her come to me. But this is far less likely to happen if she is not here My wife is the only person that I have ever been sexually attracted to. I am 63. I class myself as Demisexual No I don’t visualize anything at all I can’t even visualize something romantic I always thought I just lacked imagination because when I was younger and adult would tell me to close my eyes and image the beach or something all I would see is darkness and be confused on why everyone else could envision themselves at the beach and I couldn’t . Thanks for the article I didn’t know anything about Aphantasia before now I’m pretty sure that’s what it is . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ReyGraves Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Omg I forgot to add that I also have aphantasia! I hadn’t really thought about how it interacted with having fantasies and such since I often forget I have it (I always thought it was normal). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sophie01 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 (edited) I'm able to fantasize, but only as long as 1. the people I fantasize about don't exist in the real world, i.e. are fictional characters (always my own though), 2. I am myself not a part of said fantasy and 3. I see it in third person, like when I watch a show or a movie So to sum it all up, I'm only able to fantasize if it doesn't include real people and most importantly, not myself. Everytime I tried to fantasize about me or another person doing something sexual, I felt uneasy and disgusted with myself and stopped immediately. Edited June 26, 2019 by Sophie01 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 On 6/26/2019 at 5:46 PM, Kiraisboring said: @Kiraisboring 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 3 hours ago, ReyGraves said: Omg I forgot to add that I also have aphantasia! I hadn’t really thought about how it interacted with having fantasies and such since I often forget I have it (I always thought it was normal). Hi @ReyGraves Here is a new article that has just been published, I hope this is of use to you https://theestablishment.co/i-have-no-sexual-fantasies-due-to-aphantasia/index.html 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 17 hours ago, LostAndAce95 said: Absolutely nothing comes to mind ever. @LostAndAce95 I am not sure if you are meaning Aphantasia too, but if you are this article might be of interest to you. Of all the articles that I have ever read this one most matches my circumstances https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 @Kiraisboring A belated welcome to AVEN! @Sophie01 A belated welcome to AVEN! I've never had a sexual fantasy about anyone, despite having a vivid imagination, and ability to visualise anything else. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a 'Rainbow Pegacorn Launch!' Cake, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ReyGraves Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 12 hours ago, MichaelTannock said: This is adorable and epic and I love it 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceMaybe Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I can relate. I don't fantasize about sex at all, though I wish I did. When I was younger I'd actually try to force myself to fantasize, but it was no use You're definitely not alone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nima Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 For the longest time, when someone mentioned the word fantasy, I would literally think they meant dragons and fairies, werewolves and other fantastic creatures. Obviously I know now what is meant by that, but I still enjoy visualizing scenes of grand waterfalls, caves with dragons in a volcano and such as a way to disconnect from reality and calm my mind as not to think about chores or work or whatever else is haunting me. Which happens enough. Maybe that classifies as a form of meditation though. When I do decide to try to imagine something sexual, it's third person (like watching a movie). Like reading above, the characters would not be recognizable as anybody I know either, not even fictional charcters, I used to call them faceless people, which sounds eerie, but meaning they're just bodies, I couldn't even pinpoint things like hair color or anything identifiable. in the few occasions I saw a scene from a first person pov, I wasn't myself, I was in a man's body. Which kind of weirded me out, but it was like daydreaming or something. Come to think about it, maybe I just identified this with my husband being the way he is, and sort of putting myself in his shoes and thinking about the things he enjoys from his pov? Either way, still strange. So yeah. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
firebird8 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 15 minutes ago, Nima said: When I do decide to try to imagine something sexual, it's third person (like watching a movie). Like reading above, the characters would not be recognizable as anybody I know either, not even fictional charcters, I used to call them faceless people, which sounds eerie, but meaning they're just bodies, I couldn't even pinpoint things like hair color or anything identifiable. in the few occasions I saw a scene from a first person pov, I wasn't myself, I was in a man's body. Which kind of weirded me out, but it was like daydreaming or something. Come to think about it, maybe I just identified this with my husband being the way he is, and sort of putting myself in his shoes and thinking about the things he enjoys from his pov? Either way, still strange. So yeah. I dream like that, though not about sexual things. What's the difference between daydreaming and fantasy? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nima Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 10 minutes ago, firebird8 said: I dream like that, though not about sexual things. What's the difference between daydreaming and fantasy? Fantasy is LOTR stuff... kidding. Imo a fantasy is created on purpose and you consciously steer it in the direction you want. A daydream (to me) is like spacing out and just watching your brain construct images without having total control of it. Like pick a topic and see what emerges. That's my definition. Webster might have a different explanation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
firebird8 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Hmm. I don't create visually unless I'm trying. I suppose my daydreams tend to be auditory or thinking about things then. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
griffinej5 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I probably run into less issue here not ever being in a relationship, so nobody is upset over my not thinking out of them, but I’ve never fantasized about anything either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 On 6/26/2019 at 6:04 AM, firebird8 said: This is something I've always found confusing. How do people have fantasies about something they haven't done so they don't know what it is like? Do people naturally have fantasies just...come to mind? I never did, and if I tried to imagine how one would get from like standing up and very awkwardly kissing to...what I vaguely understood sex to be, I drew a big blank. I understand now but I still don't have fantasies about it, or dreams when I'm asleep. I don't think about it at all, honestly. If someone talks about it to me or near me, I mostly just keep it as words in my head and I don't think about pictures (which is what I do with books and articles too). @firebird8 99% of the time I do not see anything at all in my dreams. A handful of times I have. Most folk with Aphantasia do see images when they dream, the scientist have not worked out why this is 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 4 hours ago, firebird8 said: Hmm. I don't create visually unless I'm trying. I suppose my daydreams tend to be auditory or thinking about things then. Some folk have mild Aphantasia meaning they sometimes have images, or rarely have images, these can be vague too. A lot of people that have Aphantasia, lack visuals, or struggle to visualise, but they do have a voice narrating in their head, I do not have either http://aphant.asia/have-i-got-aphantasia 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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