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I'm Trying to Find a Name For My Sexuality


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AsukaIsTrash

I'm a lesbian and I don't experience sexual desire for others, but I do experience sexual attraction. I look at some girls and think that they're really hot and try not to look at their butts as they climb up the stairs at my school (I try). I don't really like watching pornographic content very often, but the acting is really bad sometimes so it's funny. I have my kinks, but I almost never masturbate and when I do I don't enjoy it. I would be willing to be involved in a romantic relationship with another girl but honestly think that friendship is easier. I might be willing to go out with a guy, but it would depend on their personality as I feel no attraction to the stereotypical male body (I definitely prefer girls. Chicks over dicks). I was wondering what I could call my sexuality. Thanks.

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everywhere and nowhere

I think - unlike some other users - that sexual attraction without sexual desire is possible. I absolutely can find a person "hot", explicitly sexually attractive - but I never want to have sex with anyone. It seems to me hat my feelings are, first of all, a result of my (non-traumatic) sex aversion: I simply feel unable to desire sex because the idea of having sex with anyone feels terrifying to me. Because of this, my attraction "channels" into other forms, such as third-person fantasies.

I prefer describing myself as "effectively asexual". I don't seem to satisfy the official definition of asexuality ("An asexual person is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction"), but I 100% satisfy the most popular of a few alternative definitions ("An asexual person is someone who doesn't desire partnered sexual contact"). This definition has a lot of supporters on the forum, with people bringing some arguments in favour of it:

  • "Sexual attraction" is much more confusing. Some people are really confused "whether they experience sexual attraction if they don't know what it is", while recognising whether one feels desire for sex is comparatively easier.
  • Sexual attraction is fairly theoretic, compared to no desire for sex which indeed sets asexuals apart.
  • Too much reliance on the concept of "sexual attraction", particularly if it becomes misunderstood, leads to misconceptions about asexuality - such as believing that "(some) asexuals can love sex, they just don't care about appearance / don't find anyone attractive". Some forum members have been fairly vehement about how this is not asexuality and while I mostly agree with them, I regret the outrage it has caused, with some users feeling excluded and leaving the forum.

I can say that I indeed find "sexual attraction" quite theoretic. I have decided that I seem to experience it, maybe partly because it's a bit of a provocative statement to consider oneself an asexual who experiences sexual attraction. ;) However, "No!!! I don't want to have sex!!!" is my immediate, unignorable, undeniable, undrownable gut instinct when it comes to any consideration of personally having sex.

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4 hours ago, AsukaIsTrash said:

I'm a lesbian and I don't experience sexual desire for others, but I do experience sexual attraction. I look at some girls and think that they're really hot and try not to look at their butts as they climb up the stairs at my school (I try). I don't really like watching pornographic content very often, but the acting is really bad sometimes so it's funny. I have my kinks, but I almost never masturbate and when I do I don't enjoy it. I would be willing to be involved in a romantic relationship with another girl but honestly think that friendship is easier. I might be willing to go out with a guy, but it would depend on their personality as I feel no attraction to the stereotypical male body (I definitely prefer girls. Chicks over dicks). I was wondering what I could call my sexuality. Thanks.

 

Some people use the term grey asexual, or greysexual to describe when someone is asexual, but with some characteristics that are a grey areas between being sexual and being asexual. The definition for "sexual attraction" is often described as when you have the desire to engage in intercourse with someone, but I personally believe there are other levels of sexual attraction that don't necessarily involve wanting to have sex, which is why I use the grey term to describe myself. Ultimately people tend to not fit perfectly into a single category, each individual is essentially their own sexuality, the terms we use to describe one's sexual orientation are really just a general description of the subject's sexual interests.  

 

1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I think - unlike some other users - that sexual attraction without sexual desire is possible. I absolutely can find a person "hot", explicitly sexually attractive - but I never want to have sex with anyone. It seems to me hat my feelings are, first of all, a result of my (non-traumatic) sex aversion: I simply feel unable to desire sex because the idea of having sex with anyone feels terrifying to me. Because of this, my attraction "channels" into other forms, such as third-person fantasies.

I prefer describing myself as "effectively asexual". I don't seem to satisfy the official definition of asexuality ("An asexual person is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction"), but I 100% satisfy the most popular of a few alternative definitions ("An asexual person is someone who doesn't desire partnered sexual contact"). This definition has a lot of supporters on the forum, with people bringing some arguments in favour of it:

  • "Sexual attraction" is much more confusing. Some people are really confused "whether they experience sexual attraction if they don't know what it is", while recognising whether one feels desire for sex is comparatively easier.
  • Sexual attraction is fairly theoretic, compared to no desire for sex which indeed sets asexuals apart.
  • Too much reliance on the concept of "sexual attraction", particularly if it becomes misunderstood, leads to misconceptions about asexuality - such as believing that "(some) asexuals can love sex, they just don't care about appearance / don't find anyone attractive". Some forum members have been fairly vehement about how this is not asexuality and while I mostly agree with them, I regret the outrage it has caused, with some users feeling excluded and leaving the forum.

I can say that I indeed find "sexual attraction" quite theoretic. I have decided that I seem to experience it, maybe partly because it's a bit of a provocative statement to consider oneself an asexual who experiences sexual attraction. ;) However, "No!!! I don't want to have sex!!!" is my immediate, unignorable, undeniable, undrownable gut instinct when it comes to any consideration of personally having sex.

 

I think I get what you mean, and there are some things that I have seen described as not being sexual that I personally would consider sexual. I would consider forms of contact between two lovers that are typically used as a warm up activities for sex to be sexual in nature. Some examples of what I am talking about would be kissing(specifically the kind of kissing that involves the exchanging of saliva), or the groping/rubbing of specific body parts. There are also interactions that involve no physical contact at all that I would consider to be sexual. Another example of what I am talking about would be phone/internet sex.  If a person desires some form of contact/interaction with someone else that is similar to these examples, I would say that person does have some form of sexual attraction for other people, but that's just my opinion. I'm not necessarily saying people who believe otherwise are wrong, I just disagree is all. 

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5 hours ago, Rkod75 said:

Some people use the term grey asexual, or greysexual to describe when someone is asexual, but with some characteristics that are a grey areas between being sexual and being asexual

Greysexuals aren’t asexual because greysexuals acknowledge the fact that they experience sexual attraction, going against the asexual definition. I find that many people identifying as greysexual are actually asexual though because of the fact that they no longer experience sexual attraction.

Also the grey area is incorporates irrregularites in sexuality. People who experience sexual attraction but in a noticeably lower frequency from the general population, people who’s sexual attraction consistently diminishes on specific circumstances, and people who’s sexual attraction exclusively can form on specific circumstances are included

 

@AsukaIsTrash

I believe you’re mistaking sexual attraction for arousal. Arousal is a mental/physical response to sexual stimulus while sexual attraction is a desire towards people for sexual activity. If you were feeling sexual attraction, you would feel basically pulled towards these women to go and have sex with them. If I’m right then I would say you’re asexual. If you have desires towards women for a romantic partnership, you’d be homoromantic. In the end, you could be an aromantic asexual who’s aroused by women and just not repulsed by romance

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NickyTannock

A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Homoaesthetic Aromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is not a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's an Evangelion Cake,

6bfe549806959965f2b713d181934b9f.jpg

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rainbowocollie

Just gonna throw it out there, but if you're also into guys to a slight degree, homoflexible might work. It means someone who is homosexual basically but has a rare heterosexual attraction as well, or may experience heterosexual attraction in a significantly limited degree compared to their homosexual attraction.

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Lucky for you Im pretty much in your category.

 

If youre looking for something concrete, I would direct you toward a term, that you by no means have to label yourself as, known as aegosexual, which means that you experience a noticeable level of sexual arousal while being neutral to or repulsed by the idea of actually having sex. The wording changed from the original term, autochoriossexual, but aegosexual is easier to write and say so thats a good way of speaking about yourself. In general, liking a butt without caring about shoving something up it (pardon my french) is likely aegosexual.

 

Dont feel as though you need to clutter things up with extra categories though. Maybe youd enjoy just identifying as greysexual if you seem to lean closer to that. Either way, take it all with a grain of salt because this is an exploration at the end of the day, so have fun exploring!

Edited by IceBox
I dont want to label
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Fluffy Femme Guy
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