Some Confusion on Asexuality and its Extents on Sexuality.

[Nova_Noir_G]

I'm sorry if there is an existing thread like this or if I am in the wrong section. I just made this account. And this is important to me.

 

So, I only recently (maybe a year ago) learned the term 'Asexual' and I think it may apply to me. So here goes.

 

I think I may be asexual. I don't really have an interest in sex, but I still can think about it. Like, I can fantasize and think someone is pretty/hot, but I'd never actually have sex. Is this something that would still be considered asexual? I heard some terms like "Grey Ace" used but I don't think that applies to me. My understood definition  of "Grey Ace" is someone who would have sex, but only with someone they were very close with; when I would not have sex, period. Can someone help me if I am missing some term, or if this is still asexuality? I still have a bunch more really confusing questions for me, but I'm already really scared posting here. Thanks for any help random strangers. 

 

And again sorry if this is the wrong place for this or I misunderstand this site's purpose. I'll take this down if so.

 

 

[wyrdwyrm]

I'd say it still falls under asexuality. While there are aces who are sex-repulsed (and that's okay), there are others who are not (and that's okay too). Many still have some level of libido that is supplemented by some form of fantasizing, and there's certainly a measure of "just what am I missing?" that keep a lot of people thinking about sex in some way or another. (Also, since sex is so omnipresent in society and media, it's just a hard thing to ignore or avoid completely.) It's also possible to have an aesthetic appreciation for another person ("That person is attractive") without being sexually attracted to them ("but I have no desire to have sex with them").

 

Your understanding is correct - the gray umbrella describes sexual attraction that only happens under specific circumstances (and is otherwise absent), so if your current situation is described best as 'no interest in sex under any circumstances', I'd personally use the term asexual.

[AceMissBehaving]

It can be rather confusing for sure!

 

Grey ace is someone who sometimes feels sexual attraction to people but very rarely, Demisexual is where someone only feels sexual attraction to someone they already have a very strong emotional bond to, and then there is just good old asexual where a person doesn’t have any desire to have sex period, which sounds a bit like what you are describing maybe?

 

 

[RoseGoesToYale]

Welcome to AVEN! It's customary to offer welcome cake, so...

 

For fantasies go, I use the skydiving metaphor. You can daydream about skydiving and like the idea of it, but it doesn't mean you want to run out and do it! Same with sex, you can fantasize about it but not want to partake in it. So even if you fantasize, you can still be asexual. Many aces also find others physically good looking, as well.

 

As far as which term fits you best, only you can figure that out. Feel free to explore asexual, demisexual, grey asexual etc. and see if any of them sound like you (and you don't have to take a label if you don't want to). And you can ask as many questions here as you need!

[darkpoetess]

2 hours ago, Nova_Noir_G said:

 Like, I can fantasize and think someone is pretty/hot, but I'd never actually have sex.

 

 

Do you still generally experience sexual/physical attraction? It is important to note that while many aces have aversions to sex, it is not the action or lack thereof that defines orientation. Orientation is based on attraction and additionally certain circumstances in which attraction takes place. Someone mentioned demisexual. As a demisexual I experience physical attraction only under the circumstance of emotional connection first and that's not often as many emotional bonds are friendships. In other words, I do not find anyone hot based on sight or first meetings etc as sexuals do. And attraction doesn't necessarily mean immediately wanting to have sex, it's a chemical response that draws you to that person, you enjoy seeing that person, their physical form, facial features, or manner, like a crush etc. Only you can determine your orientation, but I thought it might help to clarify that you'll want to consider primarily where your attractions lie, not just that you don't want to have sex. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

5 hours ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

For fantasies go, I use the skydiving metaphor. You can daydream about skydiving and like the idea of it, but it doesn't mean you want to run out and do it! Same with sex, you can fantasize about it but not want to partake in it. So even if you fantasize, you can still be asexual.

Also, fantasies don't have to be in first person. I can't have erotic fantasies in first person because even just trying to imagine personally having sex feels very distressing to me. However, I have a libido and I enjoy third-person fantasies. And yet, exactly like the OP, "I would not have sex, period".