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Asexual/Demi-Sexual?


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SydtheKid40

Hey everyone,

 

i am new to AVEN and honestly I’m just trying to figure things out.

 

i had wondered for quite some time if I was asexual, but thought it was just anxiety about being with someone and brushed it off. Well, after attending pride this weekend and chatting with a lot of people and doing lots of research, I realize that there’s a good possibility that I may be ace/Demi-sexual. So I wanted to post here and ask for advice and help because honestly? I’m confused and lost and don’t know what to think. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with information.

 

i am 21 and female, I’ve only been in one relationship. I had sexual attractions to him once we were in a relationship, but it was very rare and it was mostly acting on my natural arousal. I’ve never really enjoyed making out with him (I’m a virgin) but did orgasm from vaginal stimulation. But again, I’ve never had that drive to have sex. It’s never interested me. I’ve never looked at someone and been like “Yup I would bang you” like my friends have. I talked to a good friend of mine who’s non-binary/bi and they said that it sounds more like Demi since I did have those attractions once I was in the relationship. But since I have only been in one relationship and it was years ago I didn’t know what to think. Even now when people flirt with me I get anxious because I know most people want sex, and that’s not what I want. I don’t feel sexual attraction to people and do get scared/anxious about being put in a sexual situation because it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy it.

 

so yeah. I feel like I’m broken. Anyone have any advice? Ideas? Help? 

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Strange-quark

Hello and welcome!

I'm sorry I don't have an answer to you, I'm new to this as well :o.

But best of luck figuring yourself out, and do have some cake :D:

 

nature-cake-6.jpg

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SydtheKid40
44 minutes ago, Strange-quark said:

Hello and welcome!

I'm sorry I don't have an answer to you, I'm new to this as well :o.

But best of luck figuring yourself out, and do have some cake :D:

 

nature-cake-6.jpg

I will! Thank you!

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AceMissBehaving

It sounds possible you could be ace or demi, unfortunately it’s hard for someone outside of you to say. 

 

If you are unsure and don’t feel like any label so far fits, but you want to offer full disclosure when attempting to date etc, you can tell people you are currently questioning that you might be ace/demi. That way you have space to figure yourself out, and can still set the expectation that sex may not be in the cards for a good long while, or at all.

 

Either way way it doesn’t make you broken, there are a whole lot of people who feel the same way you currently do.

 

 

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SydtheKid40
7 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

It sounds possible you could be ace or demi, unfortunately it’s hard for someone outside of you to say. 

 

If you are unsure and don’t feel like any label so far fits, but you want to offer full disclosure when attempting to date etc, you can tell people you are currently questioning that you might be ace/demi. That way you have space to figure yourself out, and can still set the expectation that sex may not be in the cards for a good long while, or at all.

 

Either way way it doesn’t make you broken, there are a whole lot of people who feel the same way you currently do.

 

 

Honestly, I feel like ace but Demi seems to fit my patterns more. I definitely feel like it fits I jut didn’t feel like I belonged or maybe I was making it up. Thank you ❤️

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Hello!

You can use whatever label you feel most comfortable with. You can try them on and see if they fit you, too. And you don't have an obligation to label yourself at all.

 

56 minutes ago, SydtheKid40 said:

I definitely feel like it fits I jut didn’t feel like I belonged or maybe I was making it up.

I can definitely relate to that 😅 . There is that voice in my head that keeps telling me that I probably missed something and how can I know I don't experience something at all if all I have to go on is 23 years and so on. I spoke to a few non-heterosexual friends about this and all of them seemed to go through a phase like this when first figuring out their respective orientations.

 

I am using the label that feels comfortable and right to me, I think that is the best way to determine these things. No one else has the right (and no one else has the insight) to tell you what you are or are not.

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SydtheKid40
35 minutes ago, Elonat said:

Hello!

You can use whatever label you feel most comfortable with. You can try them on and see if they fit you, too. And you don't have an obligation to label yourself at all.

 

I can definitely relate to that 😅 . There is that voice in my head that keeps telling me that I probably missed something and how can I know I don't experience something at all if all I have to go on is 23 years and so on. I spoke to a few non-heterosexual friends about this and all of them seemed to go through a phase like this when first figuring out their respective orientations.

 

I am using the label that feels comfortable and right to me, I think that is the best way to determine these things. No one else has the right (and no one else has the insight) to tell you what you are or are not.

Thank you so much! Right now ace feels good since it’s an umbrella term for it all. I kinda identify more with asexual even though I fit more into Demi since I don’t necessarily want or need to act on any sexual attractions I have if I have any at all.

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Hi, nice to meet you!

 

As @AceMissBehaving mentioned, it's often hard to look at things from an outside perspective. That being said, you're not the only one who had an inconsistent experiences with sexuality. When it comes to definitions, I think it boils down to whether you have ever wanted to have sex with a person on your own accord. People who aren't really interested in sex, or don't feel the need to have it, but still somwhat enjoy the experience, can still count as asexual. If you have developped a desire to have sex with a person over time, then demisexuality may be the best term to go with. If your desire to have sex with people fluctuates significantly, then greysexual would be the most fitting identity to adopt. Greysexuals can experience phases of asexuality. Demisexuals can be considered a subgroup of greysexuals, so greysexual is a safer term to identify with if you're unsure.

 

However, it's also okay to not bother with terminology for now. There is no need to rush things, really. Taking your time to figure out your feelings is more important than to get conufused about words.

 

Have some cake! 🍰

 

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SydtheKid40
40 minutes ago, CBC said:

What do you mean you felt sexual attraction towards him but never wanted to have sex? How are you defining sexual attraction? To me, sexual attraction is being drawn to someone (for any reason -- they're smart, funny, good-looking, kind, whatever) in a way that makes you desire them sexually. What's your definition? What makes what you felt sexual attraction in your mind?

I guess I don’t really know. Like I think that they are attractive physically but I don’t ever desire to do anything more than make out. I don’t crave to have sex with a person, but I’ve never had sex at the same time. 

 

Like I said, I’m really confused right now so I’m trying to talk to other people who know and clear my head 🙂 but I’ve never been driven to have sex. I’ll get aroused but mentally if I could go without being aroused I would be happy. It just annoys me

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Never driven to have sex = asexual

 

finding someone attractive doesn’t negate asexuallity. As well, having an orgasm or having a libido does not negate asexuality. If you do not have a desire to have sex with anyone, you are asexual

 

liking the way someone looks is aesthetic attraction. It is not the same as sexual attraction

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Welcome to the confused club. I totally sympathise as I've stopped dating completely thanks to the expectations and implications of it all. It does my head in so best of luck to you figuring it out :)

 

Life would be boring if we were all the same to there's that. :)

 

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NickyTannock

@SydtheKid40 A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Demiromantic Asexual, rather than Demisexual.

I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Penguin Cake,

vaqwpy0859kclug4gi0y.jpg

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SydtheKid40
1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said:

@SydtheKid40 A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Demiromantic Asexual, rather than Demisexual.

I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Penguin Cake,

vaqwpy0859kclug4gi0y.jpg

Oh my god. Yeah, no I have not said a sexual attraction ever then. I’ve never had the desire to have sex with someone. 

 

So holy shit I’m asexual 😂

 

thank you for the penguin cake! I love it 😭😭

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