DigitalPariah Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Hello everyone. I'm new and this is my first post. First, I just want to say I look forward to meeting the community and experiencing this newfound sense of identity! I want to share my experience because it seems welcoming here and I don't like talking about these things in person usually. I'm a cis male and almost all my life I was bisexual. My family assumed I was straight, and I acted like it. From early on I had sexual feelings and urges quite often. It dominated my teen years and lasted far into my twenties. I met a wonderful girl when I was 24 and we just fell in love instantly. We dated for a year and a half and then I proposed. She happily said yes. Things were good for a little while but then it all began to change. She started spending more time out with friends, not answering her phone when I'd call, and avoiding me at home. I thought something was wrong, but she assured me it was all fine. Well one day I decided to surprise her at work with sushi from her favorite place. When I got there, they said she left on break. I saw that her car was there, so I waited in mine. I saw them pull up together right next to her car. It was one of her male coworkers. I saw them kiss a few times before she got out. I watched her go back inside. I drove home, devastated. Anyway, we broke up and I experienced so much emotional trauma from that moment and that breakup that I had weekly nightmares about it for years afterwards. Another thing I noticed, was that my sexuality was gone. What used to permeate throughout me, defining many of my actions and decisions, was now completely silent. For 7 years I thought I was broken. Even though I had healed, I still didn't feel attraction to people like I did before. I even went to a strip club and bought a dance, but nothing. I just felt uncomfortable, and she was gorgeous too! I'm in my thirties now and recently a coworker began to flirt with me. She's pretty but as usual I didn't feel anything. We spent some more time together and she was laying it on thick. Eventually she kissed me. I felt a flutter of something familiar, but it didn't last long. After another, I just wanted to go back to our conversation. A beautiful young woman was kissing me and all I wanted to do was stop kissing. Maybe hug and watch TV but not kiss. Compared to how I felt most my life, this was insanely backwards. Sexuality had been my motivation for everything! But I had learned something. I still wanted to be with someone afterall, even though the sexual feelings were gone. A couple days ago I stumbled upon the term "demisexual" for the first time and after looking it up, it clicked. This is how I feel. This is what I am. I'm not broken, I've just changed. I'm looking at all my relationships in a new light. Friends, family, coworkers, even myself. I'm so happy with who I am now. I'm so happy that my decisions aren't controlled by those urges anymore. I feel a sense of calm clarity and it's amazing. Anyway sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading if you did and I look forward to the future Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Hello and welcome. I am glad you have found a label that works for you. I hope you will find support here and make lots of NEW friends. 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
LilacJay Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Hi, nice to meet you! I'm sorry for the tragic end of what seemed like a great relationship. But, it's great you found your way here. It's also great to see you embrace your change! A less sexual view on the world sure is awesome, too 😁 On that, some cake 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Hello and Welcome. Have some Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully you will enjoy the AVEN community. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Welcome! Congrats on finding yourself Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Welcome DigitalPariah, thanks for sharing. Sorry about your past relationship problems but and I hope you like Aven While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here). I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful: A brief guide to the forums Welcome Lounge mini-manual Asexuality FAQ Welcoming other members Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 A belated welcome to AVEN! I'm sorry about how that relationship ended. But I'm happy that your outlook has changed now that you've learned of Demisexuality, and you don't have to feel broken anymore. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Books Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
aquariusabandoned Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 Congrats on discovering yourself! Demisexual folks are valid no matter what gatekeeping folks say. You could use demi-bisexual as well. I’m sorry for what happened between you and my ex, I’ve been through trauma as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.