Gay Panic

[BumbleBeee]

Today I had an intense panic, as my ass is so far in the closet I'm nearly in coralines world, and my LGBTQIA+Phobic family was asking why I don't have a boyfriend yet. My mother asked if I was a weirdo lesbian, which I vehemently denied because, you know, I want to live. And then came a question I NEVER expected to hear- my father said, "What are you, asexual?" In a joking tone.

 

This is it! I thought. Maybe I can come out!

 

Nope. My dumbass panicked and the first words out of my mouth were "Isn't that a plant thing?"

 

I have become that which I swore to destroy. H e  l p

[Ennis]

It's okay to say such things for the sake of your own safety.

Don't worry mate, it's completely normal to panic.

[BumbleBeee]

thanks. I'm just mildly pissed at myself for the plant thing at this point

[Ennis]

8 hours ago, BumbleBeee said:

thanks. I'm just mildly pissed at myself for the plant thing at this point

I think it's one of the best replies you could have given in this context. It implies that you neither know nor care about asexuality. It sounds casual, even a bit humorous, and defuses the situation.

[firebird8]

I'm sorry your family isn't safe. You deserve better. 

[Skycaptain]

@Bumblebee, you've done the right thing here. Better not to cause grief whilst still living at home. 🎂 

[LilacJay]

 

1 hour ago, Jona Rhys said:

I think it's one of the best replys you could have given in this context. It implies that you neither know nor care about asexuality. It sounds casual, even a bit humorous, and defuses the situation.

Yeah, that's a pretty sleek reply considering you were in a panic. Don't be too harsch to yourself. You don't need to champion your asexuality if that could potentially damage the relationship with your family.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Your safety comes first, I'm sorry it's not already safe for you.

[ben8884]

I've done that to. I was reading the Invisible Orientation at work and someone asked what I was reading. He started reading the cover and I put it down and said "just a book." 

As others have said, safety first, don't be mad at yourself. 

[Phalena]

I, too agree that this was a good answer. I'm not sure how conversation roles in your family are but if your mother asks again then you could answer that if she tries to force it then it'll be her fault if it doesn't work. Like, blame her that you don't have a boyfriend. However, if your mother can turn into a dragon easily, please forget what I just said!

 

Or you could say that you don't want to have just any boy by your side but someone who is not only "maybe good" but great for you. If she thinks that this attitude makes you arrogant then reply that you are not a sl*t.

 

Sometimes it's good to verbally slap your parents. Especially if it's out of character because she'll have to realise the seriousness of the situation.

 

Sorry, if I sound so aggressive. I feel alot with you. At a certain point I snapped though and told my dad into his face that I don't want a boyfriend because I don't want a f*ck-up like him, considering that women subconsciously end up with men that are like their fathers.

 

Let me hug you. You handled the situation very well.

Maybe you could tell her that it sets pressure on you if she asks regularly and that she will be the very first you tell once you are with someone. Even if the latter might never happen.

[Custard Cream]

You did the sensible thing. At least you know now that your father has heard of asexuality, which is useful knowledge for keeping yourself safe, or for coming out if the time is ever right. And if he catches you looking at anything related to asexuality on the immediate future, you can play the 'I was just researching that word you said the other day' card.

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

Probably not wise for you to come out yet but I think you should nudge your parents into the direction of respecting LGBTQ+. I would let them know whenever the topic comes up that it’s not okay for them to talk about people just because they’re different and have feelings that they really can’t control

[Homer]

6 hours ago, Jona Rhys said:

I think it's one of the best replys you could have given in this context. It implies that you neither know nor care about asexuality. It sounds casual, even a bit humorous, and defuses the situation.

I agree with all of this. Covered all the bases, got you out of the situation, should get people of your back for now.

 

27 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

I think you should nudge your parents into the direction of respecting LGBTQ+. I would let them know whenever the topic comes up that it’s not okay for them to talk about people just because they’re different and have feelings that they really can’t control

Wouldn't that come across as suspicious? Unless that's what OP always did...

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

3 minutes ago, Homer said:

Wouldn't that come across as suspicious? Unless that's what OP always did...

Not if you know how to carefully word your sentences. You just go into it with a similar sense to ‘I’m not mentally disabled myself but I’ll still stick up for the people that are’

(not at all to compare queerness to a mental condition) 

 

Maybe it’s just my personal talent, I don’t know

[Morgan123]

2 hours ago, Star Lion said:

Not if you know how to carefully word your sentences. You just go into it with a similar sense to ‘I’m not mentally disabled myself but I’ll still stick up for the people that are’

(not at all to compare queerness to a mental condition) 

 

Maybe it’s just my personal talent, I don’t know

This technique works for me, although it isn’t for everyone and I don’t know the context of the OP’s situation so it may not be suitable.

 

I have quite strong political views and I talk about all different types of social injustice a lot, so it doesn’t seem suspicious if I throw in a bit about gay or trans rights.

[BumbleBeee]

I do my best to defuse LGBTQ situations in the home, but generally it turns into a suspicious attack on me so I've kind of regressed into old habits of ignoring it

[Comrade F&F]

@BumbleBeee If you really need to dodge it next time, maybe you can just say, "I haven't found the right person yet." Which wouldn't be lying at all.

[gisiebob]

have you thought about dipping in to your school counselor's office just for someone to talk to?

[Salmiakki]

On 6/24/2019 at 8:45 AM, BumbleBeee said:

"Isn't that a plant thing?"

LOL 

[BumbleBeee]

On 6/25/2019 at 11:48 AM, gisiebob said:

have you thought about dipping in to your school counselor's office just for someone to talk to?

I havent, honestly.  I feel like I might be unnecessarily bothering them

[AceMissBehaving]

6 minutes ago, BumbleBeee said:

I havent, honestly.  I feel like I might be unnecessarily bothering them

That's what they are there for. I felt the same way when I was in school, but I think talking to someone back then would have made a big difference, and it never hurts to try.

[gisiebob]

42 minutes ago, BumbleBeee said:

I havent, honestly.  I feel like I might be unnecessarily bothering them

some kid in highschool had a friend, someone they looked up to. someone who did beautiful things. you should have seen the poetry this kid's friend kept hidden away in his binder, only to be shown to a select few who "got it". it would have moved you to tears too.

 

now this friend, the kid knew he didn't see life with a way out. there were many lunches spent together out back silently pleading him for just one more day. trying to tell him that he was the beautiful things he wanted so hard to find in the world. trying to say that the world gets better even though the kid didn't know of a better world himself.

 

the kid didn't go to his friends funeral, he didn't want to go to that church his friend didn't believe in. but there was a second gathering, the first day of a poetry club after school. everyone read their favorite poem he had written, the few who had seen them. and on that day this kid made a promise.

 

the kid promised to go out and find that world that gets better. and let me tell you now, it ain't easy. but the kid promised to find it, and to come back. he promised to take any kid who would listen and tell them that they can get there. that that better world really does exist.

 

now, I've been unkind. the truth to this story here isn't anything written, it's fiction. there is truth to it though, and I wrote it in hopes to get you to an individual perspective of why someone does what they do.

 

the truth of the story is that every highschool counselor has gone through highschool. they all grew up from a childhood. and they all decided that they need to go back and to help someone else through those things they went through, and saw their friends go through.

 

feeling like you have to hide who you are from your family for the sake of your safety is enough.

 

hell, freaking out that you accidentally wore the same color shirts and pants is enough.

 

OK?