Navigating conversations about the world's favourite topic

[Ace-actly]

How do you cope in social situations when conversation turns to the topic of people's sex lives? 

I've been catching up with close acquaintances who understood my view to keep that area of our lives personal but once the drink got flowing, it all just went out the window. I consider my sexuality to not be everyone's business so deflecting questions and trying to steer conversation in another direction can be difficult at times. I'd appreciate hearing how you respond or talk to friends when you feel uncomfortable in a conversation. 

[Ei_Armoa]

If they ever try to include me in conversations about sex I usually just hop on my phone, look disinterested, or just wave them off to let them know I don’t want to be apart of it. Majority of the time they’ll seem a tad bit disappointed or be like “are you sure” but in the end I’ll be left alone to my own devices until/if they finish. 

 

However with my (irl) friends, who I mainly talk with on chat servers, they know I don’t really like hearing about that kind of stuff so they made a blacklist channel separate from our own chat so they could take their nasty conversations over there. Which is pretty nice. 

 

But out yeah I usually just take the back seat while people talk about that? They’re often satisfied enough talking amongst themselves excitedly to notice that I hang back 

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, Ei_Armoa said:

But out yeah I usually just take the back seat while people talk about that? They’re often satisfied enough talking amongst themselves excitedly to notice that I hang back 

Yeah I think that people mostly want reciprocal stories solely to avoid feeling judged or oversharey, not because they actually care about your details. If you can make them not feel judged, no reason to discuss yourself. 

[Homer]

I quite like the back seat approach. All my folks know that I'm not interested in doing it myself, but I still tend to ask questions and listen to learn about other people's experiences. It helps me to relate to sexual folks on here and I get to learn something about my friends as well. (That may have sounded way more creepy than I'd have liked, but eff it.) I believe that my outspoken meh-ity on the subject makes it easier for people to open up, simply because they know that I'm not creating mental images to, er, use later in the evening or whatever. And yes, sometimes my questions are rather intrusive, but everyone is on the same page as to why I'm interested (and also, "not going to tell you" is always a valid answer.)

 

So for me it's kind of a "make the most of it" experience because the next event that leaves me scratching my head is just around the corner.

[LilacJay]

What you could try, as soon as undesired topics like these come up, is to say that you go to pee and disappear for a several minutes in the toilet. Won't work everytime, but chances are that they are drunk enough to just forget you or they wonder why you were so long on the toilet, which creates a chance to move the conversation to a different topic.

 

Edit: I don't recommend this strategy on parties with few people, because it could move the attention to you when you come back (the vision of drunk people is movement-based after all).

 

Edit II: I've never had sober people talk about their sex lives before, so I don't have a strategy for that case.

[- Saph -]

The eternal questions over my relationship status are annoying. I hate calculative glares (XX years and still not married). When I don't trust people, I just answer 'Nothing new' or 'Nothing at the time'. This is rhetorically true. I came out to most people that I trust. They know that there was never anything in the first place.

 

The sexual side is less painful for me. I usually deflect it with medical trivias that I think could be relevant with the requestor's situation. Sometimes I also change the topic toward respect (feminism in particular).

[AceMissBehaving]

I’m painfully aware of this weird default face I pull where I try to look supportive, but am zoning out and hoping I’m not going to be drawn into the conversation. 

 

If folks do direct something towards me I think I usually just make a way too loud cryptic joke followed overly enthusiastic laugh, then they pull the “oh I get it (I don’t get it face)” and move on. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Ace-actly said:

How do you cope in social situations when conversation turns to the topic of people's sex lives? 

I've been catching up with close acquaintances who understood my view to keep that area of our lives personal but once the drink got flowing, it all just went out the window. I consider my sexuality to not be everyone's business so deflecting questions and trying to steer conversation in another direction can be difficult at times. I'd appreciate hearing how you respond or talk to friends when you feel uncomfortable in a conversation. 

So that's why photos of grups at parties almost always show them holding drinks.

 

I don't deal with it because I don't get invited to parties, not that I'd want to go to parties like that anyway. I may go if I had the opportunity to steal a bunch of food and quickly slip out of there.

[firebird8]

I have a friend who signals she thinks it's time for a topic to end by saying, "The point is, puppies are cute!" She does this if the group has gotten into discussing really downer topics and it's time to change the subject, but I think it could be repurposed to good use for this type of problem. 

 

I also tend to find that people assume I'm a goody two shoes and they shouldn't even use profanity around me. My only guess is that it's because I don't tell this kind of joke/story and I generally don't use much profanity unless I've been drinking a lot. So I don't get much details about people's sex lives. And I find that after 35ish people stop asking about your life.

[uhtred]

Despite being sexual, I've very rarely been involved in conversations about peoples sex lives.   If people start talking about *relationships* which is different, keep in mind that people love to talk about themselves, so its easy to deflect conversations away from your own relationship status. 

[abandoned-account]

Sex life? I'd prefer talking about my eating life. That's going quite alright.

[Lichley]

1. What’s your body count?

2. For what?

1. Sex.

2. Oh... I thought you saw the basement 🤗

1. What?!?

2. What?

[Liana]

My friends that I’ve known for a while know me well enough that they don’t bother trying to bring that stuff up with me anymore. I luckily don’t have to hear much from them now about that stuff, though I also talk to them less because they love to talk about that a lot. Discord, I’ve been called “beyond prude” and stuff like that for the amount that I dislike talking about it and have a few people that try to bother me with discussing it.

[griffinej5]

Mostly, I stay out of it, except to interject when someone mentions a problem, and then I chime in to mention how that’s not a problem I ever have. 

[verymelancholic]

I actually don't mind listening, just don't expect me to have any input, but I'll ask questions and talk to you.

[Ace-actly]

On ‎6‎/‎28‎/‎2019 at 10:02 AM, verymelancholic said:

I actually don't mind listening, just don't expect me to have any input, but I'll ask questions and talk to you.

See this is me. Happy listening, don't mind discussing as a general conversation as I view it in the same realm as politics, history, art. Sometimes when the conversation turns to me I've responded with 'not something I have much interest in' or 'look guys I'm happy listening to you but my personal life is exactly that...personal'. I am finding the issue is cropping up when I meet new people because I'm rather a social body. How to move the conversation away from me without my lack of interest being a major point of interest and intensifying the focus on me, now that is tricky.