SLS Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I'm aro/ace for the most part with really vague feelings of non-sexual attraction, typically towards men, that usually dissipate quite rapidly. I've wanted to try dating for a while because 1) I want to see what I'm missing, 2) I want to better understand how/under what conditions I'm attracted to people, if at all, and 3) grabbing food and getting to know new people sounds nice, even (or especially) if it doesn't turn into anything. Dating is always something I pushed off and thought I'd do sometime in the future, but I came out to a friend yesterday who gave me the courage to create a dating app, although it's not currently set to "visible". I'm 23. I'm not sure I'll get much more ready. For the brief 30-second window when I had my profile visible, though, and I was glancing through other people's profiles, it just felt weird. I've almost never looked at a man and thought of him as a romantic prospect-- it's happened maybe twice before, and stopped happening shortly thereafter. On the app, that's the only sense I'm getting and it's super foreign to me, and feels kind of artificial. But it's a hurdle I want to get past, to at least give all of this a try. Does anyone have any thoughts or personal experience in this area? Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Yes, because I felt very similar the first time I got on a dating app. At that point I knew for certain that I was a romantically-oriented person, but I had never looked at anyone and thought, "Oh, you know, I think I would maybe like to get to know this person for dating." Before it had always been about friendship. And yeah, when I tried it it did feel artificial, and it did feel weird, and it did feel awkward, but I pushed through it and I definitely don't regret it. I'll probably do it again in the future. My best advice, at least at this time, is to just push through and experiment. Don't get discouraged even if you come across one or two boring or even rude people. Just keep going. Do be clear that you're just seeing how things go, and you're not necessarily looking for something long-term. And--maybe most importantly of all--be open to new feelings and new experiences. I'm not saying that you're going to suddenly wake up and not be aro. It's possible that you'll find that you aren't (just as it's possible that anyone could realize that the sexual and / or romantic orientations they went by are not quite right), but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the experience of maybe enjoying who you're talking to, maybe developing a relationship (doesn't have to be romantic), etc., etc., etc. Link to post Share on other sites
SLS Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 On 6/23/2019 at 3:54 PM, Starlit Sky said: Yes, because I felt very similar the first time I got on a dating app. At that point I knew for certain that I was a romantically-oriented person, but I had never looked at anyone and thought, "Oh, you know, I think I would maybe like to get to know this person for dating." Before it had always been about friendship. And yeah, when I tried it it did feel artificial, and it did feel weird, and it did feel awkward, but I pushed through it and I definitely don't regret it. I'll probably do it again in the future. My best advice, at least at this time, is to just push through and experiment. Don't get discouraged even if you come across one or two boring or even rude people. Just keep going. Do be clear that you're just seeing how things go, and you're not necessarily looking for something long-term. And--maybe most importantly of all--be open to new feelings and new experiences. I'm not saying that you're going to suddenly wake up and not be aro. It's possible that you'll find that you aren't (just as it's possible that anyone could realize that the sexual and / or romantic orientations they went by are not quite right), but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the experience of maybe enjoying who you're talking to, maybe developing a relationship (doesn't have to be romantic), etc., etc., etc. Thanks, what you said is really encouraging :) Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I hoped that it would be, and I hope that things have been going well for you so far. The longer you do it, the easier it gets Link to post Share on other sites
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