What to do? Status it's complicated... (From my Sister Shen)

[SaharaJadehart]

How do you shake off a gentleman? 

 

He is gentlemen because that is what most of us notice from him. He is respectful to children, females, and elders. He knows how to control his temper even if there were someone people who show provocative interest in him. I never cared about who he was until something happened. 

 

A mother decided to let her 1-year-old daughter travel with an old nanny. She was still a breastfeeding little girl. On the boat, she throws a tantrum as it sailed. One passenger, some I knew made a scene of her resentment and angry over the little girls' mother. Whom they found out that she was on another boat... (From the looks of it, irresponsible decision for the mother. But hey we don't know what is on her mind.) It caused more ruckus when some of the passengers found out about it. Many passengers have tried to help the nanny handle the little who was crying so hard for a long while. He was part of the crew. A father-like man approached him with concern and express his strong concern over the matter. Despite the pitch and temper showed by the man, he was respectful to explain that it was not under there control. I don't wish to interfere with what was happening my interest was to sleep. I looked at the person I knew and asked her if I can hold the child. And she gladly gave the little girl to me... Unexpectedly, the little girl calms down and when I returned her to the nanny she behaved and she slept. Then I face him, I apologized for what the father-like man the strong expression of concern. He was understanding. 

 

He searches for me on the net and finds ways to communicate... It took a while for me to reply because I don't entertain. I won't risk myself in a relationship judging from the work that I have. And I just got out from an arranged relationship that did not work because there was no lighting between us. And my ex refused to understand the weight of my work. He has NPD and OCD. He hates my guts. I lost some good friends which I cultured for years because of his principle. I rebelled to our elders to break off this hell on earth for me. 

 

This gentleman, whenever he gets the chance to talk to me. He tells me about his life. And some of the major mistakes he made in life. I like stories so I listened. He is 10 years younger than me and I thought of being an older sister to them. He thinks that I am only 3 years older than him. I did not correct it... I don't talk about myself much. I only listen and answer things if it's necessary... Of all the things he said he did and the mistakes he made in his past and struggle of being a working student and how he is now working as part of the ship's crew. I never sense any trace of deception. I wasn't prepared when he asked me if I can accept a person like him.

 

This gentleman is a reserved man. He isn't a social media type. He registered on Instagram to find me. He is considerate. He would message whenever he gets the chance. He is known hardworking and respectful in his workplace. Despite being a title holder of a pageant, he remains humble. (Some of my friends have a crush on him but they don't know about his interest. And my advisers would flip if they know about this.) I am not allowed or be involved in a relationship per deal with my grand elders in a span of 2 years. This is an exchange for cutting off a family linkage my family and my ex. I have to build myself and show them that I can build myself from scratch. And the freedom to choose a partner without them interfering. (As if it's easy!)

 

This gentleman is challenging. He would check on me whenever he can. And him being considerate and compassionate makes it harder to for me to run to another direction. Many have said, he has imperfections but he is a rare gem... I was thinking of endorsing him to another friend. (No boyfriend since birth friend! I know it's stupid.) What he is... And what he's doing is making it harder not to like him. The work that I do is already risky. And I am trying not to lose control. But who said I don't want love. I want it but the timing is bad but I like the feeling that someone is checking on me once in a while if I am okay or have I eaten or have a good day... These words may have been common to others but not to me with the line of work I have and the path I walk. It's nice to know someone out there is worries for you. 

 

To take the risk or not to take the risk?! When all the people kept on telling you that you're not allowed to have any weakness until your done with the task you have entrusted. His simple concern slowly affects the coldness within me... I don't want to expect. I don't wish to drag a gentleman into our World.

 

This is status complicated! 

 

Note: This is from my sister Shen... 

 

 

[Nima]

This is a beautiful story and I understand your sisters dilemma.

This is my personal opinion:

Listening to the stories of this gentleman is not being in a relationship and you have nothing to worry about if it doesn't go further than that. If he is such a rare gem and as much of a gentleman as you described here, and if he feels the same towards you, he will understand that you have a responsibility to honor the tradition of your family and he will wait until the proper time to make his advances. I would recommend that you are honest with him, tell him about your age (he shouldn't mind) and tell him what you have to prove. This also helps you become a more independent woman and get to know yourself better than before. Hold on to the friendship, and if it's meant to happen, the fairy tale will come true soon enough. Best wishes and good luck 🍀